When You Got a Good Thing

[Sadie's POV – December 28th, 2010 2:46 P.M.]
I knew Brian wasn't in the best of moods when we woke up. And I knew exactly what day it was.

Christmas had been wonderful. Of course, I had Brian's present at home, in Massachusetts. He'd gotten a beautiful bracelet for me, that had little heart shaped charms on it. We'd spent the day with his family and the night with the rest of the guys (the Berrys as well).

But today was different. Matt invited everyone over, and we've been quiet for a good half hour now, all of us sitting in the kitchen.

What broke the silence was my phone vibrating on the counter. I glanced around and everyone was staring. I hated that. I picked up the phone and couldn't believe my eyes.

"Matthew?" I asked as I picked it up. Matt Leone was my best friend in high school and we eventually dated, but it was short-lived. We just wanted to stay friends. After everything that happened with…him…though…it was hard to talk to Matt without getting emotional. They were in the same goddamn band now.

"Sadie. Hey. Um, what are you up to? I heard you were in California and well….we are too so…I wanted to see you." He sounded nervous. Brian was sitting next to me, his arm lazily draped around my waist. His gaze was concerned.

"Today's not really a good day."

"Oh…it's not? Um…well…when is a good day?" Everyone was trying to listen now.

"I don't know. There's never really a good day anymore."

"Oh…yeah…I'm…I'm sor-"

"Save the sympathy. I don't want it." I said rather harshly, without really meaning to.

"Why do you have to be like that? I tried to help you Sadie. I tried."

"I know you did. I'm not saying that you didn't. I just hate that everyone knows and everyone thinks that I need them to feel sorry for me." I glanced at Brian who's eyes showed concern. Valary leaned over the counter with Matt, right across from me. Zacky and Gena were now there too, Johnny and Lacey were off to the side, but could still hear. I didn't care if they heard the conversation. I needed to tell Brian…and everyone else…what happened.

"I hate that about you. Ugh…Nathan and Dan want to talk to you. Mateo too."

"I don't want to talk to Nathan. Nathan can text me. Dan too. And as for…him…he can die in a hole. I never want to see him. I never want to talk to him. You should know that."

"Fine Sadie. Fine. If you want to be that way then…"

"Oh don't act like this is anything new Matthew. If you hadn't brought him up, this conversation never would've gone south. And of all days to call me, and bring it up, and put this shit on me, you pick today."

"What the fuck is so special about today?" He spat, taking on a deeper tone.

"My boyfriend's best friend died a year ago, today. It's pretty fucking important, Matthew. But you wouldn't know that would you? Because you decided after we broke up that you'd never talk to me again, so you wouldn't know half of what's been going on in my life." My voice was harsh and completely unforgiving, but there was a crack in it, a lapse that everyone noticed. Matthew was silent on the other line and then he sighed. And I made a hard decision.

"Matthew…call me some other time. I don't want to talk right now. It'd be nice to spend one day with my boyfriend where I don't have to think about my past. Bye." I pressed the red 'End Call' on the screen and placed the phone on the counter. I turned to Brian.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. "I'm sorry about him. He never should've called me. I mean it's absolut-"

"Sadie-baby. Stop." His hands had drifted up to my shoulders and he pulled me in closer. He kissed my forehead. "Whatever it is that happened…it's obviously bothering you. I know this is supposed to be Jimmy's day, but at a point, we all have to stop mourning. We have to be happy. He wouldn't want us to be like this, all depressed and shit."

"Brian…" He rubbed my back gently.

"What I'm trying to say is…I want to make this work. Our relationship. And…if there's something that's really bothering you…I want to know. I want to help. You know I do. And while I know that you know that Jimmy was special to all of us, and you don't want to take this day away from him…I need to know what's going on. This is difficult for me…but I need to know, Sadie. So, you're going to tell me. Right now."

"No I'm n-"

"You are. Don't argue with me. You've helped me so much already with dealing with Jimmy's passing, so I want to help you now."

I don't want to tell you." I turned away from him but I obviously couldn't do much to get away, as he held a firm grip on my waist.

"Sadie…please." He begged. Brian was begging me. I wanted so bad to just tell him and tell everyone, but every time I thought even a tiny bit about it…it made me sick.

"No."

"Sadie." I whipped around to face him, a few tears finally falling.

"Fine! Fine. You really want to know? Telling you…or anyone else, is never going to make it better though. It's never going to make any of the memories go away. I'm never going to get rid of that pain. It's stuck there."

"Well, telling me will make me feel better."

"Way to sound selfish."

"Way to sound like a bitch." I glared at him for that.

"Way to be an asshole."

"If being an asshole is going to make you tell me, then I'm going to continue to be an asshole."

"I don't want you to be."

"Then tell me."

"Stop it!" I yelled. At this point, everyone else had backed up about five feet, just watching us fight.

"No."

"Don't be like-"

"Like you? Don't be stubborn, right? You're being stubborn. I'm a nice guy Sadie, you've seen that, but if you're going to start a fight, I'm going to finish it. And I won't be nice about it. I'm afraid of hurting you. That's why I want to know what this guy did that traumatized you so much. I don't want to repeat anything that he did, and hurt you. I'm not like that. I treat every woman with utmost respect."

"Bullshit! You do not, Brian." Zacky interjected, earning glares from both of us.

"You are not a part of this fight Zack. So stay the fuck out of it." Brian retorted angrily. He then turned back to me. The malice in his expression immediately dispersed. His gaze was soft again as it fell upon me.

"Please Sadie. Let me in there. Lemme know what's going on in that head of yours. You have me figured out, but I can't figure you for shit. You need to tell me. I'm a guy. I'm stupid."

"You are not. You're smart."

"I mean stupid about women. Not in the bedroom, but here…when you get all emotional…I don't know what to say. Guys don't talk about their feelings."

"Yeah and?"

"Well….I guess that's what I love about you. You're a mystery. And I like figuring you out. Or something like that. But there are just…some pieces of the puzzle that don't fit…and I need you to help me put them in place. So please…I…am begging you…"

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah…but…if you're all going to listen…you need to know…Mateo…he's…well…what he did…that was his decision. I don't want you guys to judge him because of that."

"Okay. Why don't we sit in the living room? I'm sick of standing." Matt said, leading us all to the living room to sit down. Brian pulled me into his lap and I tried to relax against him.

Once everyone was settled, Matt, Val on the opposite end of the couch, Johnny and Lacey on the smaller loveseat and Zacky and Gena sprawled out on the floor, I was given the go-ahead to begin.

"Are you gonna cry, Sadie?" Johnny asked, shifting a little to allow more room for Lacey.

"Yeah. Probably." I already was, and I wiped a tear quickly away.

"Oh, alright. Well…I'll give you a hug later if you want one." He said quietly and smiled.

"Thanks Johnny."

"Alright Sadie, so. Tell us. This guy. Who is he?" Valary questioned, basically on the edge of her seat. Matt almost had to hold her back.

"His name is Mateo. He's in a band. Madina Lake. You've probably never heard of them. He was my boyfriend for most of high school and for almost a year after that. So, about five years. You would've thought that by the way we acted in public, that we'd eventually get married or something. That definitely wasn't the case."

"Good because I wanna marry you." Brian said, inaudible, except for Val and Gena, who both smirked.

"So what'd he do?" Zacky asked, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Well..he…" I broke off and closed my eyes, my head falling back against Brian's chest. I pinched the bridge of my nose and then looked up.

"He used to yell at me. And he'd hit me. And at a point it got so bad that…his best friend had to take me to the hospital because he broke four of my ribs."

"Are you serious? He beat you? Like legit beat you?" Zacky asked, bolt upright.

"Yeah Zack. Stop saying it please. It makes me sick." I felt Brian's arms secure tight around me and began to feel light-headed. My stomach was churning more and more with every second

"So that's why you're kind of…well…you don't like other people touching you too much unless you let them. Or you tense up." Zacky said.

"I tense up. I tense up with Brian even though I know he's not going to hurt me. It became a natural reaction. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that it's okay, my body still reacts." Brian ran his fingers up and down my arm, creating goose bumps.

"This is good. You're doing good baby." He whispered in my ear. I shivered, as it tickled and I finally relaxed more into him. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself.

"So…that's it then?" Matt inquired and I glared at him.

"What do you mean 'that's it'? Do you know what it's like to be smacked around by someone that you love? Or you thought you love?"

"Well no but…"

"Then don't make comments like that. No one understands what I went through. And I don't want your sympathy on it either. I hate sympathy."

"Even though you sympathize with us, for Jimmy?"

"No I mean I hate sympathy directed at me. I get too much of it. I have no problem giving it."

"Oh…okay. Sorry Sadie."

"It's fine Matt." I was surprised. Usually just thinking about Mateo had me in a near breakdown but, maybe I was okay because I knew I was safe here. With my new family.

After a good bit more talking, not about Mateo thank god (I didn't know how much more I could take and I didn't want to have that eventual breakdown that always comes.), I'd noticed we'd all started to drift off. Matt and Val were snoozing quietly, Zack was out cold on the floor, Gena aside him and Johnny and Lacey were nearly there. Brian however, was wide awake.

"Sadie you did very good. I'm happy that you finally told me. Now I can go beat this asshole up." We laughed softly.

"No Bri, you don't need to. I know he'll never hurt me again."

"Why's that?"

"Silly, because I'm with you."

"Oh yeah that's right. I am pretty tough."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't flatter yourself, Gates." I turned and kissed him and placed my head on his chest and my journey to dream land begun.