Like Walking Into a Dream

*Zacky*

There were so many thoughts jumbling in my mind, I didn’t even know how I was walking or thinking straight. Most days as we traveled further to the isolated place that Andri was leading us to, I was quiet and reserved. I knew I was starting to worry Tuck and Andri but at that moment I wasn’t really caring. I wanted to get Brian back and that was all I wanted to think about, but that didn’t stop the worrying and every other thought to come back and loomed over my head like a dark cloud.

Every moment of every day, I worried about Brian—how was he doing? Was he making it through? Was he still alive? Along with worrying about Brian came the thoughts and doubts of our future—would we be able to exist as carefree as we once had? Would be able to put this behind us? Would we be able to get away from this? It was a constant battle in my head—one I didn’t know if I was winning or losing.

Truth was, I could die saving the one I loved and I would die proudly but that didn’t mean I actually wanted to die. I had no plan, no clue as to how to take down Shadows and I didn’t know what abilities he had or what he was capable of doing to keep Brian to himself. The future at the moment was a blank chalk board in front of me.

Every day it got harder and I took it a little bit worse. I stopped feeding as much as I used to. While Andri and Tuck fed, I would just stay back and wait until we were able to move again. I wasn’t sleeping—too preoccupied to get to Brian and make sure he was safe in my arms again. I was too angry—I wanted to rip Shadows’ head off with my bare hands and make him wish he was never born or messed with me by taking Brian.

I wanted to beat Brian senseless for being so damn appealing which caused Shadows to take him in the first place. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and make sure he was real—I wanted to take him far away from here and away from Shadows and get passed this nightmare. I mostly wanted Brian to want me as he always had because I had no idea what Shadows was doing to him.

The way I was acting was a bit psychotic but I didn’t care, I wanted Brian back, period. Traveling seemed to take longer, bringing endless nightmares every night which also kept me from sleeping. I hated seeing that little boy standing there, a perfect mixture of Brian and Shadows when it should be Brian and me in the little kid, if we ever had one. And every moment that I woke up the face of the kid fresh in my mind, I wanted to pull my own hair out. I was slowly losing it, I was sure of it.

I wanted my old life back, before Brian and I got kidnapped, when we only worried about feeding and what to do to pass the time. I knew that would never happen though, even if we got out of this safely, with Shadows dead, things would never be the same.