Holding Someone's Hair Back

I walked out of the restaurant dreading the walk home. Tony offered me a ride but I declined. I wasn't in the mood or set on taking the risk in getting into it again with Tony, although it probably wouldn't happen. It is Tony.

I managed to start a slow jog as I hurried back to my apartment. The rain was beginning to fall heavier as time passed. It felt like forever until I reached the front door of my apartment and let myself in. The apartment was silent. I walked into my bedroom as I removed my jacket and tossed it into the hamper. Like every other room, it was empty and I smiled. Things could be getting better. I threw all of the contents of my pocket on the bed and changed out of my wet pants. I tossed my beanie into the closet. My shoes were kicked next to the bed and I waltzed into the living room.

I looked at the sky through curtains, drawn to it by the sound of the rain that was hitting the roof and the window. Everything under the sky was cast beneath a gray hue, making everything look a bit sad but calmer.The streets were less busy and everything outside seemed to be quiet and still. I sighed and felt the need to smoke a cigarette and watch a movie. Just as I had gotten to lighting my cigarette, the sound of my phone going off stopped me and I hurried to it.

"Hello?" I said not bothering to look at the caller I.D. It seemed as if everyone ad something to say to me today, so what's the fucking point.

"Mi-"

"Yeah it's me," I interrupted. "Who's this?"

"Michael,"

I recognized the voice as my mother's and chuckled. "Sorry ma." I said changing my tone.

"You better be." she said. I chuckled and sat my cigarette aside. "How's your day?"

"It's alright. It could be better." I answered. She did a small, innocent "hmmph" and I responded with a deep breath.

"It's raining outside." she said softly. I smiled.

"Yeah I know. It's raining hard too."

"Yeah." she sighed. "Your brother loved this weather." she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Your brother. He loved this weather." I could hear the obvious sadness in her voice. She still loves my brother despite all the shit he's put us through. She was so scared of him. Yet she still loves and forgives him. It was unbelievable to me. But I'm not my mother. "He was so good Mikey. He used to be so good to us."

I sighed and rested my arm on the table. "I know Ma."

"I miss him so much."

"Yeah." was all I could say. She still doesn't know that her son is home. I don't want to be the one who has to tell her. I didn't fuck everything up with her. It's his problem. He can talk to her. I hope it's soon. I hate hearing mom like this when she talks about him. It makes me feel even worse when she's next to me. "Well, I'm sure he's fine."

"Oh I don't know. When do you think he'll come home?"

"Pretty soon."

"But do you think he'd want to see us? We should've helped him."

"We did the best we could. He screwed everything up. You did your best. Everything's fine." She sighed as a response and the uncertainty was obvious. But she gave in anyways and ended the conversation about Vic.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. I just wanted someone to talk to besides your father. I love you Michael."

"I love you t-"

Knock, knock.

"Someone's at the door. I have to go. I love you Ma."

"Mmkay. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and sighed. This needs to stop. I can't stand hearing her like this.