The Mix Tape

This is morning
That's when I spend the most time
Thinking 'bout what I've given up

Reno woke up to silence and the bittersweet light of day shining through the opening of her curtain.
Silent tears fell down her face while she was laying on her bed. She had given him up and for what?
Did she give him up because she was such a masochist that she had to cause herself this much pain over her own decision?
Was she that self-destructive?
Or was it because she had an irrational thought that it would be better for them?
Did she decide to give it up so he could go live his dream?
Did she give it up for that and the thought that he would forget her?
So she laid there wondering why she gave it up. For pain, for them, for her, or for him?

This is a warning
When you start the day just to close the curtains
You're thinking 'bout what I've given up

Phoenix woke to his curtains open and the sunlight shining through. He made a swift movement to close them. Trying to find sleep again he couldn’t. As he laid there thought of what Reno had given up filled his mind.
Why? That was the biggest question and thought.
Why did she give it all up?
Did she no longer love him?
Did she find someone else?
Was he not good enough for her?
Was his love not great enough for her?
Why had she given up on all the love, memories, and possibilities?
Soon tear welled up in his big soft green eyes.
Why did she give it all up and cause so much pain?

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound

It had been almost a year now since Reno gave up and left Phoenix.
To sum up that time, it had been miserable at best for him.
Phoenix and his band had finished their first album.
He was excited about that, but even though he was excited and happy for it he was still miserable.
Currently he was aimlessly driving and listening to his stereo.
Suddenly one of his band’s songs came on, it was the song he wrote about Reno.
Ironically and funny in a sick humorless way their biggest song was the song he wrote about terrible heartache and depression. As he listened to the song, his mind drifted and he wondered where was she now?

Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

It has been almost a year since Reno left Phoenix.
The pain and heart ache was still there.
Reno was sitting in her room listening to the stereo making mixed tapes.
She loved making mixed tapes instead of CDs or buying CDs.
Suddenly she heard Phoenix’s voice come from the stereo.
She added that song to her tape.
As she listened to the song, she wondered where he was now.
After her tape was made she realized that subconsciously she made the tape of songs her and Phoenix loved.
She couldn’t help it, she still loved him.

I read your letter
The one you left when you broke into my house
Retracing every step you made
And you said you meant it

Phoenix was looking through an old box in his closet when he came across a letter.
It was a letter from Reno when they dated.
She wanted to give him a surprise.
He found the letter on his coffee table, Reno broke into his house to put it there.
She said in the letter where to meet her, when, and what to wear.
When he followed the instructions he was lead to the park bench they first met at.
He found a letter on the bench, but no Reno.
He picked up the letter to find it was addressed to him.
He opened the letter to see that in big red letters it just said, “I love You”.
As he read the letter he heard someone come behind him.
He turned to see Reno, she looked at him and said,” I mean it.”
He smiled and said, ”Good, because I love you too.”
Then they kissed.
That was one of Phoenix’s favorite memories with Reno.

And there's a piece of me in every single
Second of every single day
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way

Reno was sitting in the silent darkness of the park.
Suddenly the memory of her and Phoenix telling each other I love you for the first time.
They told each other that they constantly thought of each other.
She wondered if it was still true.
She knew she still thought of him, but did he still think of her?
How did it end this way?
She knew the answer , it was her fault it got this way.

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I'm writing you a symphony of sound

It has been almost a year and a half since Phoenix saw Reno.
His band has become more successful.
Their songs were playing more on the radio.
They were starting a new record.
He had all the songs written and all the guitar pieces composed.
All the songs had one thing in common.
They were about Reno, but not all of them sad.
He was writing her a symphony of sound, and he hoped she would hear it.
Again he wondered where she was now?
He also wondered how she was.

Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again
This mix could burn a hole in anyone
But it was you I was thinking of

It’s been a year and a half since Reno has seen Phoenix.
She got a new job getting musical acts for a club called “Black Dahlia”.
Also she controls the music that plays in the club when there are no musical acts.
One day she made a mix of songs to be played at the club.
Again looking at the list , she thought of Phoenix.

And I can't get to you
I can't get to you
I can't get to you (you, you)

Phoenix’s band was playing a show at this club called “Black Dahlia”.
The band was now on stage about to play, when he saw her in the crowd.
There was Reno, she was actually here.
He wished he could just jump of stage and run to her.
Yet he couldn’t he had a show to play, and he couldn’t let his band mates down.

Where are you now?
As I'm swimming through the stereo
I conduct a symphony of sound

There he was on stage.
There was Phoenix right in front of her.
She listened to his music and heard the symphony of sound he was conducting.
He had accomplished his dream.
She caught his eyes and saw misery, nostalgia, and sadness in them.
She had caused that.
Guilt rushed through Reno harder than anything.

Where are you now?
As I'm cutting through you track by track
I swear to God this mix could sink the sun
But it was you I was thinking of

Here he was, singing this set for her.
It was so powerful.
All the raw emotions he felt and poured in every word.
He couldn’t stop thinking about her.
All through the set thoughts of her plagued his mind.

And where are you now?
And where are you now?

She had to leave.
She loved him, but she was too much of coward to confront him.
She wanted so much to run up to him and kiss him, but she couldn’t
She had caused him so much pain, she didn’t deserve to be near him.
So she left again.

And this is my mixed tape for her
It's like I wrote every note
With my own fingers

Phoenix looked for Reno after the show, but couldn’t find her.
She had left once again.
The cracks in his heart broke once again and a new pain rippled through his body.
After making her a mix tape of a symphony of sound through his music, she left.
He realized she was really gone.