What A Jackass!

Chapter 8

I walked in the door not sure what to expect. Everything had gone so damn well up until that moment. Well at least I thought so....

“How was the date?!” Ben came running into the foyer from the living room. There was so much excitement in his voice that it made me feel even mroe crappy. He was in his pyjamas and looked like he had just been sleeping. Poor boy, he had probably been trying to stay away for me but fallen asleep.

I kicked off my shoes and walked pasted him to the stair case and started up them. He must have known something was wrong right away cause he caught my arm before I could barely get to the third step.

“Crissy, whats wrong?” Ben looked at me with a strange look on his face as he tried to read the look that was probably radiating off of mine.

“Nothing,” I spoke quietly and tried to shake off his hand. He may have been gay, but that didn't mean that he wasn't manly at moments.

“Bull shit,” He jumped up the steps and came face to face to me to see my eyes. He knew that I couldn't lie through them. There, was where he saw the facade that I was trying to keep up fade just a little.

“I just want to go to bed Ben,” I sighed, glancing at the ground. “Can we please not talk about this now,” When I met his face again he had a softer look this time. Ben nodded and dropped his hand from my arm. I gave him the best smile that I could, even though I knew it was pretty pathetic. I'd do my best later to explain.

I walked up the stairs to my room, and as soon as I was alone I let the miserable night be forgotten.

--A Few Days Later--

My mood hadn't gotten any better. I was still just as sad. Ben was practically tip toeing around me. He didn't say much to me other then things he had to say. Telling me about meetings, set calls and when and where I had to be. There was still no for sure thing I would show up half the time.

The truth was something in Johnny's reaction to me made me feel... feel... well I still didn't even know what it was that it made me feel but I didn't like what it made me feel like. It wasn't a good feeling. It was a bad one that made me want to stay at home at all times. I had no idea what were the thoughts that were running through Johnny's head when our kiss went astray. A feeling inside me was telling me it wasn't a great one.

Like usual, the knock on my trailer door shook me out of my haze.

“Yah,” I stood walking over to the door and pushing it open slightly. My eyes were on the ground still but when I looked up, I wanted to slam it back shut. Johnny stood there looking back at me.
“Hi,”

His voice was just as weak and pathetic as mine. Well at least I wasn't the only one who was miserable. That was nice to know.

“Hi, can I help you?” I leaned on the door frame and looked at him.

“Can I come in and talk to you?” Johnny looked just as uncomfortable as I was, but I wasn't going to let mine show threw.

“I suppose so,” After stepping back, Johnny came in and cautiously took a few steps around after he took a seat on the couch. I sat down across from him and tried not just start rambling.

“Well what do you want to talk about?”

Johnny's eyes were on the ground, he looked back and forth as if he was debating something. Whatever he was debating I wanted to know, and know soon. Waiting killed me and patience was not one of my best assets.

Finally, Johnny looked up at me and reached out taking my hand in his.

“Look, the other night with you – I had one of the best night's I've had in a long time. My life has been so upside down lately and when I started working with you and getting to know you, you seemed so great,” I tugged my hand back, this didn't sound good at all.

“Then whats your problem, huh? Everything seemed to be perfectly fine and all,” I bit my lip lightly. I was starting to cave and the last thing I wanted to do was to show emotion to him. In the back of my mind I was going over all the acting I knew – how to hid emotion. This was the moment that I needed to remember that.

His eyes scanned the room, he was nervous – hell who wouldn't be. But that didn't matter. I wanted him to cut to the chase.

“Cause this isn't easy for me ok Crissy – I can't just run away from my problems! I tried to and well the seemed to follow me!” Johnny jumped up, making me jump back in my seat. He out burst stunned me, but I stayed quiet to see what he had to say.

Johnny took a few more steps towards the door before he stopped and looked back at me.

“I didn't want to have to tell you like this, but I'm married Crissy. I have kids. My wife had followed us to the peer. She saw me kissing you and when I got home she wasn't pleased to say the least,”

My heart beat slowed down so low that I could hear each low thump. It was like a low drum that played in the back of my mind as he told me all of this. Consciously, I could barely understand this. My mind was barely able to grasp this, but on the out side I just nodded. After all what did it matter to him, he had his wife and kids to go home to now.

“I'm sorry Crissy,” With one last nod, Johnny gave me a weak smile and left shutting the door quietly behind him. My vision was already starting to blur just a little by the time the door shut. This was exactly what I needed. Thanks Johnny....