Dead City Lights

I slowly sipped at the water. My parched throat was burning to just drink away all the cool liquid that ran down it but I forced myself to take it slow, not wanting to seem desperate. That was a good move because Able brought the question why I had saved him yesterday back up. If I had been drinking quickly, I would've choked but I stopped myself on time. Glancing at him from under my hair shortly, I saw that he was looking straight at me intently. I quickly looked away, down at the ground.

"Uh…" I started dumbfounded as I searched the uneven floor for an answer. What could i answer?! I didn't know why I had even stopped to look at him at all! I shouldn't have even looked his way! I broke out into sweat as nervous as I was. I fight zombies daily and never get nervous around them. Then comes an innocent, good-looking boy and I get nervous? What the hell?!

"I… ummm… you- you seemed like you needed help," I ended up said and cursed myself mentally for acting so retarded. Typical. The first survivor I meet for almost a year and I make a fool of myself. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was wondering now how I had made it through this war for this long. I mean, he had this whole bunker and provisions and weapons and me, all I had was a pocket-knife in my pocket.

I avoided looking at him and checked out the place we were in, letting my gaze wander in every nook and crany just so I wouldn't have to look at Able. I saved him yeah. But why couldn't he just leave it at that?!

"That's not it," he accused, a vicious tone creeping into his voice and waited for me to respond. But I didn't know what to say! I didn't know the answer. I just did it under impulse. Just like sometimes when you're walking outside and you start feeling uneasy and take a look around just in time to see a zombie attacking you. You don't know why you turned around because you didn't hear anything, you didn't see anything, you just had a feeling.

Usually I hated that feeling. Sure, it saved my life a few times so I should be liking it but it works against your brain. It's like your heart takes over your thoughts for a second. It bring you into shitty situations like for example... well, this situation!

I didn't hear which words exaclty he had been shooting my way. It was someting about telling him why I had saved him. It doesn't matter. I just knew that it was hitting up my nerves until I just suddenly couldn't hold back anymore and just yelled out, "I don't know, alright! I was lonely! Fuck, I just felt like it! I wanted to do something human for once in this zombieworld!"

But as soon as I realized those words had actually come out of my mouth, I bit my tongue. Talking to oneself does have its bad sides. You forget to keep your mouth shut. Now I had told him I was lonely. Even though I wasn't. I was fine. I was used to this. I wasn't human anymore either. I didn't feel anything. I...

I was lonely, I realized defeated. I had just never wanted to admit it. Able was looking straight at me. I couldn't possibly tell what he was thinking. I could just... guess that he might be surprised by the look on his face. I turned away from him.

"Forget what I said," I told him icily. Looking around, I saw a bag of chips on a shelf. I hadn't eaten for two days. I was hungry as hell. So, I went over and took it, opening it greedily and immediately stuffing my mouth.

"Hey! You can't just take things like that!" Able finally spoke up after a while. I glanced at him, showing none of the earlier emotions. The situation earlier didn't exist. It was forgotten. It had never happened.

"So, what, you brought me here to starve me?" I asked back. He never answered as I walked away from him and sat down, leaning against the wall continuing to eat the chips. I never expected an answer.

We didn't talk anymore after that. I don't even know how much time past. All I knew was when I was starting to get tired. I stiffled a yawn while glancing over at Able. He had gotten some stuff done while I had eaten those chips and had just sat there, watching him at times because there was nothing better to do.

I wasn't staring at him, I just happened to be looking into space in his direction while losing myself in my thoughts. Thoughts about what the hell I was doing here. Why the hell I was with this guy. Why he didn't run away when he woke up and took me with him instead. Why the hell destiny had brought us, two survivors, together. And last but definitely not least, what was going to come in the future. Would he kick me out anway? Would he just abandon me the next time we went out of here? Would I get fed up and leave? Would he get infected and kill or infect me?
Or... would I get infected and be a threat to him?

The endless possibilities racked my brain and tired me further so that I once again got the urge to yawn. It came too sudden this time though so that I straight out yawned. Able took that second to glance at me and lifted an eyebrow before a smirk crossed his smooth features, seeming to make fun of me. I glared back. If he thought I would be falling asleep before him then he thought wrong. I didn't trust that guy to spare my ass! Only the spirits know what he could do to me if I didn't watch out. No time for faling asleep here.

He held the the eye contact for a bit before turning away again, the smirk still glued to is face. I felt almost... hurt in a way...or embarassed. Why did I feel that way? I couldn't let feelings get to me. They weren't allowed in this zombie war. I thought I had abandoned them forever... why were they coming back? It made me angry.

"Jerk!" I hissed at my myself under my breath. It must've been louder than I thought because I thought I saw Able react when I said it. If my tired brain wasn't playing a trick on me then he had winced slightly.

Time passed slowly as I waited. This time I did stare at him. I was just waiting for the moment for him to go sleep. He glanced over a few times as I watched him closely for any sign of weariness. I think he also had to fight back yawns but he had his back turned to me so I couldn't see much. And I and no idea what he was doing. He could be doing anything really. He could be working on something to kill me. My eyes narrowed warily. I really had to watch my back now. How could I have been so stupid to get in here? I didn't even know the exact way out. I stood no chance against him.

If I wanted to fight, this was my last chance. I could still get out alive... somehow... I stood up and he visibly tensed, though he tried to give me the least attention poissble. He had been pretty much ignoring me the whole time we had been sitting around, waiting for the other to give in to the taunting sleep. I was usually never one to give up in a contest if I entered. But as I stood there, I realized it was too late.

Even if did get out of here, which was very unlikely, I would be too weak to fight any zombies out there tonight. I was a goner. I had let my feelings lead me into this mess that one split second where I hadn't been aware what I was doing. I was weakening, I realized with a silent sigh. I sat down again before curling up against the wall after a second. My end would be coming soon anyway. I wasn't made to fight the world alone. My feelings had showed me. I wasn't strong enough. I was alone in this dying world and as much as I hated it, I felt lonely. Closing my eyes, I gave in to the land of dreams.