Rabbit Hole

There is something to be said about the hearts of those who feel they have no way out. They have hardened over the years, made tough and strong by keeping their emotions in check. But I’ll tell you something: it doesn’t matter how protective they are of their feelings. In time, I’ll be able to see them. All their regrets accounted for. All their innermost thoughts laid bare. It’s like watching a film. They are the directors, the producers, the writers of their own lives, and I am there in the audience salting and buttering my popcorn, ready for the show.

But of course, there are previews before every show.

Sometimes the previews bore me. They all start to blend together and sound the same after awhile: this little boy was picked on for four years before committing suicide. This little girl hung herself after her father beat her for ten years. Tragedy after tragedy after tragedy.

And then. And then.

Every once in a while, one of the previews will make me sit up and take notice. It’s something new. Two students bringing guns to their school. An ostracized teen attacking his college. A mindless maniac setting a church ablaze. The tormented fighting back, taking whatever is left of their hardened hearts and doing away with them because really, who needs compassion in times like these? It’s all about a lack. A lack of acceptance, of love, of friendship, of strength. Find enough lacks and you can somehow make a whole.

Like this preview I’m watching now. There is a whole. There are ten of them this time. I’ve never seen such an entity of lacks.

This preview in particular is heavily edited. There are only three colors here: black, for their hearts; red, for the blood; white, for the innocent. I guess, with so many lacks in one place, they highlight the most important factors in this little tale.

No matter. It’s still watchable.

Won’t you sit and watch with me? I do get lonely sometimes, watching these by myself, every hour, every minute. But you’re here now.

Here. Have a seat.