Does Love Still Exist?

After coming home from the doctors, Katrina was surprised to see that the house was empty. Marc was out with Shannon watching the kids and Hank was no where to be found. It was the first time the large house seemed so empty. They had bought this house expecting it to never truly be this quiet. The dream was to fill it with memories and with love and children. There was never an agreement between them on how many kids they wanted or where they would go on vacation when the time permitted. Walking up the stairs, Katrina walked into her bedroom and went straight into the closet where most of Hank's clothes were still hanging and grabbed the suitcase. Making her way back into the room, she placed the suitcase on the bed.

With everything that has happened recently and Hank still too close, it was time for Katrina to take a break away from everything. Packing her clothes, she went into her own closet and grabbed the small suitcase for the boys before walking into Noah's room. Setting the suitcase down near the dresser she opened some of the drawers and started to pack the things that he would need. With half the suitcase filled she made her way back to her own bedroom to pack things for her youngest. Once all that was done, she heard the door open and loud voices of Noah and Marc.

Grabbing the baby bag, she made sure there were a few bottles of water, clean bottles, a change of clothes for both boys, and plenty of diapers and wipes for Kristopher. With a long sigh, she finished packing everything clothes wise. Grabbing the stuff she put it by the door, Katrina grabbed her laptop and looked at destinations of where she could take the boys with her. She needed some place where she could just get away, but at the same time have something for Noah to do. Kristopher was still young that she could hold him all day and he would be content. He was the one that reminded her more of his father than Noah did. Noah was more like her when she was younger, a bit of a trouble maker without crossing the line too much. Kristopher was just a calm baby and she wondered if that would change or would he be just like his father?

Looking at the background on her laptop, Katrina gave a small sigh. It was her and Hank at Shannon's wedding. When they were happy. That was when she knew where they were gonna go. Back to Los Angeles where her career began and to see some of the familiar faces that she had missed over the four years that she had been in New York for.

“Knock, knock.”

Looking up, she saw Marc with Kristopher in his arms. Walking over to the bed, he handed the sleeping baby to his mother who kissed his head before placing him on his back next to her. “What's with the bags?”

“I'm taking the boys on a small trip,” Katrina said. “I need some time alone to digest everything that's going on. I can't do that here. So the boys and I are gonna go on a trip so that I can clear my head a bit.”

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere with family and friends surrounding me.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Marc asked.

“This is something that I need to do.”

Nodding his head, Marc looked at the bags that were already packed. “When-”

“Mommy! Can we goes wif Auntie and-”

Grabbing the back of her son's shirt, she helped him onto the bed where he climbed into her lap. “You wanna go and see where Aunt Shannon lives? Where Mommy grew up?”

“Yeah!”

“Ssssh....your brother is sleeping,” Katrina said. “Did you ask Aunt Shannon about it?”

“He did,” Shannon said. “And I said that he can come, but he has to bring his mom and brother with him.”

“Well then, it's a good thing that Mommy just bought plane tickets for a little trip out to California. She just has to find a hotel and we are all set.”

“No need,” Shannon smiled. “You and the boys can stay with me and Sean.”

“I don't want to be an inconvenience to you two.”

“Come on Katrina,” Shannon laughed. “Sean hasn't seen Noah yet and Kristopher he hasn't even seen over the webcam. C'mon, we got you covered.”

“Hey,” Katrina said softly into her son's ear. “If you wanna go you better go give Uncle Marc a hug and a kiss so that we can catch our flight.”

After getting the luggage into her car, she was thankful for the pass that would allow her to park for as long as she needed at the airport. As Marc was putting Kristopher and Noah into her car, she grabbed a piece of paper out of the drawer that was used to leave notes. She hadn't actually left one since she found out Hank's secret.

The boys and I are going to California. I need some time without you everywhere I turn. Maybe when I get back we'll have that chance to talk.

Katrina

Signing her name, she grabbed a magnet off the fridge and left it there. Grabbing her purse and laptop bag, Katrina walked out of the house and locked it up before getting int her car.

This was just something she knew she had to do. It was for her sanity that she needed some actual space away from Hank. Although he did try to give her space, that was hard considering that they were living under the same roof raising the boys. For a week she had taken the boys and stayed in a hotel. But when she realized that the schedule she had worked hard to get Noah on, she went back. Things between the two of them had never been as bad as they were now. Throughout their relationship they had been able to over come lots of things, but this one was worse than anything, especially since kids were involved.

Placing her laptop bag in the back, she shut the door and opened the drivers door before looking at Marc. She gave him a small smile before wrapping her arms around him. “This isn't good-bye. They boys and I will be back in two weeks. Just keep an eye on Hank for me.”

“He's not gonna do anything-”

“I mean,” Katrina said. “Keep an eye on him so that he doesn't leave. I need this time to really figure things out with him. My heart can only take so much.”

“I'll try.”

“See you later Marc.” Katrina told him as she slid into the seat and smiled.

Marc got into his car and left before Katrina backed out of the driveway and headed to the hotel that Shannon had been staying out so she could get checked out and fly with them. This wouldn't be the first time the boys were on a plane, but it would be the first time on a plane without Hank. She would have been worried if it were just her and her sons, but with Shannon there to distract Noah, there would be no worries from her.

The first day in California was a little emotional for her. It seemed as if things were just how she left, the only thing that had truly changed was her. She left California on a trade and she had a bumpy start in New York. When things finally calmed down, she found herself married to one of the most attractive men in the state of New York. At least that was how she saw it and there was no changing her mind about that. Married and now with two kids whose lives depended on her to keep them safe and healthy and to remind them that they are loved each and every day.

Sitting on the porch, Katrina smiled as she watched Noah laughing and screaming as Shannon's husband chased him in the yard. It was different to see Noah bond so quickly with someone he had just met. Sure he had seen Sean through the computer countless times, but it was still different. Noah's bond with Hank was strong, just like it was with Joel and Marc. Those were the only other two men besides his father that didn't make him nervous. Kristopher on the other hand wasn't sure what was going on so he stuck to his mother's side where he knew it was safe.

“What are you thinking about?”

Smiling at Shannon as she handed her a cup of lemonade. Katrina took a sip before putting it on the table next to her. Kristopher was sleeping under the New York Rangers fleece blanket that Marc had given to her when she was pregnant with Noah.

“Trying not to think too much to be honest.”

Katrina's eyes never strayed away from the boys as she rubbed circles on her youngest son's back.

“And how's that working out for you?”

Kissing Kristopher's head softly, she looked at Shannon before looking back to Noah and Sean. “It isn't. I'm trying, but every where I turn there is another reminder of what I had and what I no longer have.”

“Are you thinking about forgiving him?” Shannon asked. “After what he did?”

“No,” Katrina said. “But this time there is more than me I have to think about. Noah and Kristopher are so young. Kristopher probably wouldn't understand what was going on, but Noah is smart like his Uncle Joel. He's gonna start to wonder why his parents aren't living together anymore. Why daddy is kissing other girls.”

“That just proves how much of an amazing mother you really are,” Shannon said. “You don't just think about you anymore, the boys come first.”

“They are my life. I can't picture my life without them.”

“And what about Hank?” Shannon asked. “Where do you see him in your life?”

“I don't know. There are times that I just want to throw it all in and say forget it, I'm done,” Katrina said as she looked down at Kristopher as he let out a long sigh. “But the problem is that I'm still so in love with him and I don't know if I can trust him right now or ever again.”

“And you have to remember that this isn't the first time he's done this.”

“We weren't really together when he was sleeping around and I forgave him for that,” Katrina said. “I don't need to bring that up. It was more than four years ago, before Noah happened.”

“Do you think that you married him because of Noah?”

“I was in love with him,” Katrina said as she brushed the hair out of Kristopher's sleeping face. “And I still do. For him to do this with anyone it might have been easier to deal with, but it was Caitlin, the one woman I know I can't compete with. I don't know why he is so drawn to her.”

“One thing is true,” Shannon said as Katrina stood up. “He doesn't deserve you.”

With a half smile, she walked into the house. She didn't want to talk about this any longer, not with Shannon, not with Sean, not with anyone. This was supposed to be her time to not think about everything that was happening. All she wanted was to remember what it was like to be happy again. No worries about what she had to do to put a smile on her so that others believed that she was happy. She just wanted to worry about getting back onto the soccer field, but that wasn't going to happen. Katrina knew what it was that she needed to do, but it was a hard decision that she had to make.

Laying down on the bed, she felt her phone vibrating from her pocket. Carefully setting Kristopher in his own bed, she grabbed her phone and saw it was Hank calling her. She didn't want to do this over the phone, but that was the way it was going to be. Sitting in front of the window, she accepted the call.

“Hello.”

“Kitty....”

“Please don't,” Katrina said softly as she felt the tears coming on. “This is already hard enough without you trying to tell me that you'll never do it again.”

“I'm sorry, Kitty. I really am.”

“I don't have long to talk. I have to get Noah ready to go out to dinner, but there is something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“When the boys and I get back from California,” Katrina started as she took a deep breath. “I'm gonna file for separation.”

Before he could say anything she hung up the phone and let the tears that she had been holding back go.