I Hope You're as Happy as You're Pretending

CHAPTER TWO: Sense This Urgency, ‘Cause I Ain’t Trying to Get Drunk Alone
February 5, 2011 - Auburn Hills, MI
I slid my eyes open, becoming quite aware of the constant pounding in my head from the massive hangover I was experiencing from the partying I had done last night. I couldn’t remember much of last night, the night became very, very fuzzy after splitting a bottle of jack with Jorel and Jordon. I cursed them all for not making me stop; it wasn’t a good way for me, their new tour manager, to gain their respect. I didn’t even know if I deserved it anymore, I couldn’t remember what I had done, if anything. I was really hoping I hadn’t done anything stupid.

I took a deep breath, rolling onto my side from my back, trying to expel the queasiness I was feeling from all the movement I was making. My own vomit wasn’t something I wanted to clean up this morning, or ever, for that matter. I set my hand over my mouth, trying to get my bearings. Anything to attempt to hold it in; mind over matter.

I became aware that the bus was eerily silent, besides the hum of the generator and the faint sound of the morning news that was coming from the back lounge. This meant we were stopped, for one, and that for two, it was pretty obvious that no one was really up, with the most probable exception of Kristie. Most bands didn’t watch the news, let alone the morning news.I slowly rolled off of the couch, and onto the floor, in a crouching position. I pushed myself off of the floor, and began to head back toward the lounge. I braced myself with the wall, but I constantly felt like I was about to collapse at any moment. I hated feeling like this. I hated it even more that I couldn’t remember last night, too.

“Morning,” I mumbled and she peered up from me from the screen of her laptop, and her typing ceased.

“Good afternoon,” she returned, holding her iPhone in my direction, which read 12:15 on the screen. I took a deep breath, taking a seat on the couch, and setting my head in my hands. “Guys’ are going out for breakfast and then will be at their signing, so they’ll be back later.” I looked toward her for a moment. She was looking back at her laptop, scrolling through something or another. I couldn’t even understand how they had been able to get themselves up to go to something like that after all that drinking last night.

“Oh god, how?” I asked, and she smiled with a laugh.

“Last night wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Just maybe a little more amusing because of you and your table dancing.” My mouth dropped, and I set my hand on my head. “You drank a little bit too much last night, but don’t worry. It was amusing.” She laughed.

“Oh god, you’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” She shook her head. “Oh my god, why didn’t you stop me?”

“I tried! You wanted me to dance with you. Would have, if I had been drunk and not pregnant.” I kept my hand on my head, shaking it in horror. “Oh, stop it. Just don’t think about it. No one is going to recall it and say shit, but it was hilarious.” I groaned.

“They’re going to say shit, they’re not going to respect me.” She shook her head. “Yes, I need that respect, dude. No one is ever going to listen to me, now. They’re going to see me dancing on a table.”

“Oh no, you’ll be fine.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because you did a lot more embarrassing things last night, than just dancing on a table.”

“What the fuck did I do?” She shook her head once more, picking up her ringing phone from beside her. She sighed at the sight of the screen.

“Hold on a second,” she told me, answering her phone. “Hey George.” I pushed myself off of the couch, and headed back through the bunks and up front once more. I pulled open the door of the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. I reached up into one of the cabinets, and pulled out a bottle of Excedrin. I quickly took one with water. I headed back to the back lounge, taking a seat back where I had been originally. She was no longer on the phone.

“Quick conversation,” I pointed out, and she nodded her head a little bit, and then shrugged.

“Yeah, just wanted to know if I wanted anything to eat.”

“Aw, that’s cute.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Seriously, what else did I do?”

“Dude, nothing,” she answered, and I groaned, watching her slide her laptop off of her lap. She slow pushed herself off of the couch, gaining her balance slowly. “I’m going to go to my house. If you want to come, you can, or you can stick around here and I’ll pick you up around 1:30.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“I’ll go with you,” I answered. “Let me grab some clothes so I can shower.” She nodded her head, picking up her Mac, and carrying it with her out of the lounge. She stopped at her bunk that she shared with George. I followed after her, and pulled out a set of clothes that were scattered across my bunk that I had neglected to sleep in last night. I wished I had now; I wished I hadn’t had so much to drink last night.

“I’ll be in the car,” she informed me, slinging her laptop bag over her shoulder, followed by her purse.

“Alright,” I answered, quickly gathering up the rest of my clothing I needed to take a shower at her house. When I had everything gathered, I followed her path off of the bus, and made my way out to her car, which she was scraping clean from the snow that was heavily falling. “Here, let me.” She looked toward me, and tossed me the scraper for her windows.

“Thanks,” she nodded, and got into the front seat of her running car. I quickly set my clothes into the front seat of her black car, and started to brush the heavy snow from the windows. By the time I was finished, I was snow covered and cold.

“How far away do you live?” I asked, getting into the front seat and tossing the ice scraper into the backseat.

“Twenty minutes,” she answered, putting her car into drive. She rolled out of her parking spot, and out toward the little road that brought us into the entrance of the venue parking lot. The parking lot went completely around the venue, from what I could tell. “And you know, I have never been here,” she laughed.

“Odd.” She shrugged her shoulders, coming to a stop at the end of the driveway. She turned on her blinker, to go to the right.

“It really is. Whatever. You want any food or anything?” I shrugged my shoulders, feeling her take off.

“Not right now,” I answered. “Maybe in a little bit. I’ll raid your fridge.” She laughed.

“There’s nothing in there. I ate all my food before I left for tour.” I laughed. “I was hungry.”

“Well, you are pregnant.” She sighed. She had seemed really excited yesterday, and every other time I had talked to her, but now I couldn’t see that same reaction now. “What?”

“I don’t know,” she paused, and I could hear the hesitation in her voice. She didn’t want to tell me. “I’m just, I don’t know. George and I had a massive fight yesterday, so you know. He says he doesn’t want to see me anymore, and its stupid. I don’t care.”

“Oh, I’m sure he doesn’t mean that,” I comforted, knowing that what I said wouldn’t put her mind at ease. “Its just George being George.”

“I guess.” She sighed, as I turned on her car radio. “I don’t remember what’s in there,” she informed me. “Probably something embarrassing.” I laughed a little bit, as the sound of Avenged Sevenfold’s Nightmare album began to play.

“Not so embarrassing. You talk to them much this tour?” She nodded her head. I had met her on a tour five years ago, when she had been tour managing for Avenged Sevenfold and I had been tour managing for Eighteen Visions, while Biggie had been out for whatever reason. We had hit it off well, from the beginning, which brought us today. I was about to take over her job with Hollywood Undead, while they were touring as tour support for Avenged Sevenfold. It was like, a full circle thing.

“Oh yeah,” she grinned. “They’re supposed to take me out for dinner before the show to say farewell. We’ll see how that goes.”

“It sounds like chaos,” I laughed and she nodded, completely agreeing with me.

“Zacky still asks about you, you know.” She looked toward me for a moment, looking for some sort of reaction. When I gave her nothing, she rolled her eyes, and looked back toward the road. Zacky and I had messed around during that tour and for some time after. When he hadn’t wanted to commit to me, and started fishing for why, I had come to find out that he had a girlfriend. That had ended right there and then; I hadn’t wanted to be strung along, just like I hadn’t wanted her to be strung along.

“I don’t know what you want me to say to that,” I admitted. She knew what had happened, but still continued to insist that Zacky was a good person, no matter what had happened. I couldn’t believe that, not anymore. “We did shit, it didn’t work out, so now here I am.” She huffed. “Stop trying to set me up with ZV.”

“I’m not doing anything,” she retorted, throwing her hands up.

“Hands on the wheel!” She laughed, setting them back on the steering wheel. “I don’t need to die, and neither do you. And your cute little baby. Have names picked out?”

“I have to see if George wants apart of me anymore. If not, I’m naming it Sergei.”

“Don’t you dare name it Sergei! It’ll get made fun of.” She laughed.

“We’re going to name it Jordan, whatever it is. George didn’t give a fuck.”

“If its a boy, you should name it George Junior.” She laughed.

“He would die, like legitly die.”

“I think it’d be funny.” She nodded her head.

“It is. Are you still fucking around with Bryan?” She gave me a quick side glance.

“Why do you always bring him up? It was like, a one night thing.” She gave me a very serious look and I gave her a weak smile. Bryan and I had been dating for the longest time, but I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It hadn’t ended well.

“It was not!”

“Just stop, please.” She huffed. “I just don’t feel like talking about it, okay? Just like you don’t want to talk about your fight with George.” She didn’t say anything more for the rest of the trip, obviously letting me know that I had hit an extremely touchy subject with her.

“Don’t mind my mess,” she told, as we pulled into the parking lot of a set of apartments. They looked overly nice. “Its a baby mess. I need to start putting its room together.”

“You haven’t opened all of your gifts yet, have you?” She pulled into a parking spot, and I noted the large smile on her face. It meant she hadn’t.

“Yeah, not so much.” She got out of the car first, and instantly went to the backseat to gather her things out of it. I got up, ad picked up my clothes I had been sitting on in the front seat. She led the way up to the door, and unlocked it. We went up a flight of stairs and to the first apartment on the left. She unlocked it, and pushed it open. I recognized her brother sitting on the couch, flipping through some channels on the TV. There were boxes of baby things pushed in every corner, and I didn’t see how he could stand living here with her with everything scattered around like it was.

“Back so soon?” He questioned, looking toward her for a moment. “Hi person I don’t know.” I waved toward him, heading back in the direction of the bathroom. I had been here a hundred times.

“You know where everything is.” I nodded giving her a quick thumbs up, as I walked into the bathroom.



Kristie and I stood to the back of the guys, our arms over our chests, watching the fans quickly make their way through the line, meeting each member for a moment. They all had large smiles on their faces by the time they got through the line, from the antics of the guys. I had seen many Hollywood Undead tattoos, and had taken pictures of each one, at the request of the band.

“How much time?” Kristie asked me, and I looked down at the phone I had in my hands. We had to get them out of here by 3:30 and back to the venue so they could do their soundcheck. It was getting pretty close to that time, and thankfully we would have to cut anyone from the line, it was starting to dwindle.

“Five minutes,” I answered, showing her my phone, and she nodded. She shifted her weight from one foot to another, trying to get some relief in her joints and legs. She had been constantly bitching about her legs and feet all day, but constantly turned down the chair that they had offered her a few times today. I couldn’t understand why, I had almost taken the chair. It was boring, just standing here.

“I need to go sit down. I’ll be in the car.” I watched her waddle toward the exit, and I sighed. She had stood here with me for the last two hours, almost, and had just decided now that she didn’t want to stand anymore. She just didn’t want to deal with George right now. I could tell by her attitude this whole time toward him. The rest of the line went through quickly, just in time for me to tell them that time was up.

“Hey,” Jorel said, laying his arm over my shoulders, as we began to walk toward the exit of the mall. It was actually right there, next to the Hot Topic, between that and the Rainforest Cafe. The mall, you could just tell by the people that were here, that it was for rich people. Even the children had designer bags on their arms. I had been informed that this was the richer area of south eastern Michigan by Kristie. She’d know, she lived here.

“Jay,” I answered back, as Dylan and Matt ran ahead of us and through the doors. I shook my head at them. “Knock it off,” I yelled after them, like their mother. Those two had been being acting ridiculously child-like since Kristie and I had met up with them here earlier to get ready for the signing. They just wanted to fuck around like children, rather than be civil adults.

“Have a nice hang over?” He laughed, removing his arm from my shoulders, and holding open the door for me. I walked out of it, and he followed me through it. I held open the second set for him, following him out toward the van. George and Kristie needed to ride together, no matter how much they didn’t want to. They were both starting to irritate me, the way they were constantly talking shit upon one another today.

"Shut up, JDog.” He grinned at me, as I stopped, and looked back toward the three stragglers: George, Jordon, and Danny. They each had lit cigarettes in their mouths already. “Come on,” I hurried them, “sound check, guys.” They shrugged, and George looked around a little bit, obviously for Kristie.
“Where’s that bitch?” George asked, and I rolled my eyes. It was just irritating anymore.

“You have to ride with her.” He shook his head, pulling his cigarette from his lips. “Yes,” I told him, looking to my side, as Kristie pulled up her car next to me, “there’s no room in the van.” He groaned, as she rolled her window down a little bit to talk to me.

“Let’s go, Jess.” I shook my head, grabbing George’s arm. I forced him into the passenger’s seat of her car, without any resistance from him. He tossed his cigarette on the ground, obviously concerned for his other half and child, as I shut the door of her car. I walked toward the bus, as they sped off. I crawled into the backseat, between Jorel and Jordon.

“What happened last night?” I asked them, in general, not directing the question at either of them. They both laughed, and I sighed. “Nothing good, I’d imagine now.” I looked toward Jordon, who wore a large smile on his face.
“Oh, you’re fun. Don’t worry,” he reassured me, but I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine what they meant by saying I was ‘fun.’ I would assume that nothing good was meant by that specific word in the phrase they used it in.
“Anyone dance with me on the table?” Both of them laughed again. I sighed, I hated not remembering what had happened last night. I had to remind myself to never drink that much again.

“Funny did,” Jorel answered. “Bitch likes to dance.” I laughed. “You didn’t make a fool of yourself, I promise.” I sighed, shaking my head, not believing Jorel.

“Kristie tells me that I did, but she won’t tell me what it is that I did.”

“Oh, don’t worry about what she says. We’re fun and there’s a lot of days where she doesn’t agree.” I set my hand over my face, shaking it a little bit. I really needed to know what I had done last night. It was going to eat away at me until I knew.

“Oh, speaking of fun things, you need to show us that card trick while you’re sober.” I looked toward Jordon, letting the shock fill the expression on my face. Card trick; what card trick?

“The what?” He laughed.

“The card trick. You couldn’t get it to work out last night. You kept dropping the deck all over the floor.” Jorel laughed from beside me, as Jordon continued. “Kristie probably picked up that deck of cards like six times last night. She finally took it away from you, but we need to see this card trick now.”

“I don’t have a card trick,” I informed them.

“Let down!”



“I’ll take good care of them,” I promised to Kristie, as she sat on the hood of her car, watching Danny get on the bus from around twenty yards away. He gave us a quick wave, and I held up my hand toward him, trying to tell him that I needed a little more time with Kristie, before we could take off. I needed to get on the bus now, so we could get out of here and head off to the next venue, which was around 15 hours away, as I recalled.

“I know you will,” she said quietly. “I trust you. Its why I called.” She nodded.
“Then what’s going on?” She pulled her eyes from the bus and put them on me. She shrugged her shoulders, and set her hands on her stomach. “Its about George, isn’t it?” She nodded her head. They still hadn’t made up, even with all my efforts, so I just wasn’t going to pressure them anymore. If they wanted to, they would work it out, just like always.

“Yeah, its whatever.” She pushed herself off of the car, and began to walk toward the bus. I began to follow her, ignoring the protests from the fans that were stuck on the other side of the road. She walked on the bus, and I watched her take Danny into her arms. He returned her hug graciously, placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

“I’ll miss you,” he admitted to her. “You’ll have to come to LA when you have baby Jordan.” She nodded, as they broke apart. “Go talk to George one more time. He’s in the back.” She sighed, but did as he said. I raised my eyebrows at him, moving closer to him.

“That was too easy for you.” He laughed, looking back toward Kristie for a moment.

“She’s easy to talk to. George is the difficult one to deal with. I’d much rather deal with Kristie than with George.” I nodded my head. “But you’ll find that out soon enough. This tour will be easy, since we’re not headlining.”

“Yeah, just have to look after the seven of you asses, plus crew. Don’t have to look after the whole tour.” He nodded, repositioning his hat on the top of his head.

“Yeah, but I’d like to think that we’re easy to deal with.” I laughed, but nodded my head. They hadn’t needed me too much, not yet. Hopefully they wouldn’t need me too much; hopefully the rest of this tour would run relatively smooth for everyone.

“Oh yeah, you guys are fine. I’ve been with some extremely large divas.” He laughed.

“Hey, Dan!” Danny looked back toward the back of the bus, at the sound of Jorel’s voice. “Come back here.” He gave me a small smile, as he headed back toward the back of the bus and I sighed, taking a seat at the table.

“What do you want, Jay?” His voice was muffled, meaning he was back to where Jorel had wanted him to be. Laughter came soon after and I sighed, feeling slightly left out. I was new, and I understood the connection that they had. I was new, I was different, they didn’t know what I would put up with until I started biting off their heads. I had been put in that situation many times, so I just understood.

I sat by myself for a few minutes, until I saw a pair of Converse step up before me. “You look bored.” I looked up at who they belonged to. They were Jorel’s.

“Little bit. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you fucks for the next ten days.” He laughed, taking a seat across from me, on the sofa.
“Drink and do magic tricks, I hope.”

“I don’t do magic tricks, I guess I was just drunk enough to think I did.” Jorel smiled largely at me, and I looked toward the bunks, hearing some commotion. Kristie came out first, followed by George. She was quick on her feet, and George was glaring at the back of her head.

“We’re not doing this anymore!” She yelled at him, stopping between Jorel and myself, turning back toward George, who was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m leaving. Don’t count on me coming back, you fucking prick.”

“So be it, bitch,” he spat, and she dropped her arm to her sides, obviously emotionally destroyed from their little lover’s quarrel. “I love you.”

“I love you too, you fucking asshole.” She turned around, and made her way off of the bus, quickly followed by George. The bus door slammed, and I looked back toward Jorel.

“What the fucking shit?” I found myself questioning, and Jorel laughed. I hadn’t ever seen anything like that. Those two were completely insane.

“Yeah, that’s normal,” Jorel nodded. “Its whatever, anymore.” He pushed himself off of the couch, and took a few steps over toward the kitchenette. He pulled open the door of the small refrigerator and looked toward me. “You want anything? Beer, vodka, Jack?”

“Water?” I questioned back, and he shook his head a little bit.

“Not a chance. We party now. Day off tomorrow, nothing to do but get wasted.” I sighed, watching him grab a bottle of vodka off of one of the shelfs. I wasn’t sure if I was up for another round of partying with these guys. I was already stressed out enough with not being exactly sure what I had to do yet, and being abandoned by Kristie who hadn’t taught me anything today, but had rather just raged on and on about George and what a jerk he was.

“Just give me a Jack and Coke or something,” I answered back to him, knowing it would be something I could control better than the shots of vodka he wanted to put into me again, like he had last night. The thought of that stuff straight once more, just made my stomach turn.

“What a weak drink.” I looked back toward the door, watching George walk back on, with Kristie following him for a final time. She looked and pointed at me.

“Make sure you do roll call every single night, and that any bitches that come on the bus with any of these guys’ get ID’d by you, not them. Uhhh,” she paused, and looked down, and away from me for a moment, only to remember what she had to say and look back over to me, “don’t hesitate to call me with any questions.”

“I’ve got this,” I told her and she smiled.

"I know, but everyone has a question every once in a while.” I sighed, and she grinned at me.

“You be good with that baby.” She nodded her head. “I’ll be back with your asshole before you know it.” George huffed and she laughed.

“I know. I’ll be back in April, bitches!”

“Bye! We’ll miss you!” I heard them all call a variation of, and George gave her one last final kiss, before she disappeared off the bus for good. I stood up, and began to look around the bus a little bit.

“Who isn’t here?” I waited for an answer, pretty sure I had seen everyone get on the bus. I looked over toward the bus driver, who was patiently waiting for me to tell him it was alright to go. “Alright, let’s get our asses to Iowa.” He nodded at me, and I felt the bus begin to move. Only fifteen more hours until we get there.