I Hope You're as Happy as You're Pretending

CHAPTER THREE: I Can’t Keep Going, Can’t Keep Going On This Way
February 6, 2011 - Sioux City, IA
“Alright, guys,” I said to them, looking them all over in the parking lot of the hotel we were going to be staying in. It was about three in the afternoon, and the guys’ didn’t play until tomorrow, so I figured it would be nice to let them stay in a place where they could roam that had things to do besides watch TV, constantly bitch, and drink. I had been over that bullshit even before we had left the state of Michigan. “We’re quadrupling up. I’ve got three rooms and twelve of us. Make your teams of four, let’s go!” They all grumbled a little bit, sulking into their own little groups of four. Jorel, George, and Danny had instantly come to claim me as a roommate.

I quickly handed out the card keys to everyone in their respective groups, as well as told them what floor we were all on, and they all went to grab the clothes that they might need for the night in the hotel. I already had everything I had needed, and headed up toward the entrance of the hotel. I wanted to lay in a real bed, not a bunk or a couch, for at least this one time, this tour, even though I had only been doing it for the last two days.
I walked into the room, and laid myself on the closest bed to the door, letting my bag fall on the floor, next to the wall. I rolled onto my side, looking across the room and to the other neatly made bed, no more than about ten feet away from where I was located. I began to instantly feel sorry for the maids that would have to come in here and clean up after us when we were gone. They had completely trashed their bus in one night without Kristie there constantly picking up after them. There was another thing I had to talk to them about: cleaning up after themselves.

I heard the door open from behind me, and I sat up, watching Danny walk into the room first, letting the door close behind him. He smiled at me, tossing his bag next to me on the bed. “I got here first,” he said, and I could hear in his voice, that he was out of breath. “I bunk with you.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Jorel and George are so grabby and cuddly at night. My wife gets jealous.”

“How do you know I’m not like that?” He grinned, and shrugged his shoulders, sliding himself onto the wide, short dresser behind him. “Because, you know, I could be and then your wife would get really jealous.” He laughed, uncapping the bottle of water he had brought with him, and brought it to his lips, chugging about half of the bottle down. “Probably more mad than jealous.”

“I think I’ll take my chances with you.” The door opened once more, and Danny looked away from me and down to the person who had opened. it.
“Goddamned you, Danny! I don’t want to sleep with Jorel! He’s too handsy at night.” Danny’s grin grew, and I could feel mine grow too, as George walked into sight. “Yeah, baby, we’re here,” he said into his phone, that he had held against his face with his shoulder, and I assumed he was talking to Kristie. He walked over toward the bed and set his stuff on the side he wanted it, the side toward the window. “Well, tell baby Jordan to hold off, because I’ll be there in a week and a half.” I looked toward Danny, who was messing with the cap of his water bottle.

“Baby watch, no fun,” I laughed and Danny grinned. “You’ve got a wife, so do you have any kids like Georgey over here, Daniel?” He looked up at me, and nodded his head.
“Yeah,” he answered. “I’ve got a little boy. I miss him half to death. I don’t know what I’ll do when we actually like, tour, tour. This shit is short, what happens when we’re on the road for fucking six months at a time? Its hard enough as it is, being away from him and my wife for like a month, it’ll be even harder when I’m gone for like six months.” I nodded. I had heard this spew a million times before from so many different band members. I didn’t have the same deal, I didn’t have any kids or a significant other to deal with or miss.

“Oh, you’ll be fine,” I promised. “They’ll all be fine, Danny. So many band members leave their wives and children. Just something that has to be dealt with, when being in a band.” He nodded his head a few times, pushing himself off of the dresser.

“I’m going to go smoke.” I nodded my head, as he walked across the room, and out onto the balcony. I looked over to George, who had fallen silent. He was looking down at his phone in his hands, obviously completely lost without his girlfriend.

“What’s wrong, dude?” He looked over at me for a brief moment, only to look back at the phone he had in his hands. I hadn’t ever seen him this down since I had met him, when Kristie had brought him over for the first time, almost two years ago.

“Just miss her. She’s been with us for three years, and then she let’s some asshole knock her up--”

“You.”

“Like I said, some asshole knock her up and I’m desperate and lonely and obviously can’t be without her. Its fucking pathetic. I’m fucking pathetic.” He sighed, pushing himself up off of the bed, and went out to join Danny on the balcony for a cigarette. I looked toward the door, as it opened one last time, and I knew it was Jorel.

“Where the hell have you been?” I asked him, watching him come into sight. He had a lit cigarette in his mouth already, ignoring the no smoking signs all over the room. “Jorel, you really can’t smoke in here.”

“So what?” He set his things down where George had just been sitting. “How come you didn’t want to sleep with me?” I shrugged my shoulders. “Gotta crush on ol’ Daniel Murillo?” I laughed.

“Really Jorel? You’re funny, boy.” He grinned at me, and came toward me. He grabbed my arms, and tugged me off of the bed. “What the heck, Jorel. I’m tired.” He shook his head, and I pulled his cigarette from his mouth, and placed it in my own.

“We’re going to go swimming.” I shook my head immediately, and pulled away from him. I didn’t like to go swimming at home, and I certainly didn’t want to go here with him and everyone else.

“No thanks, Jorel. You’re more than welcome to.” I headed out onto the balcony to join Danny and George, who both looked at me briefly and then went back to their conversation.

“Have you even talked to her?” Danny asked him, as I leaned up against the railing of the balcony. It overlooked the large parking lot of the hotel, and I could see our bus at the very back of it. “Obviously, moving to Michigan wouldn’t be a great move on your part.” I pulled the cigarette from my mouth, and tapped off the ashes over the side of the balcony. I didn’t want to get into their conversation. Kristie was stubborn and it was hard to say what she would or wouldn’t do when it came to George and their whole situation.

“I just don’t want to bring it up,” he answered, and I felt his hand on my shoulder. I could see the butterfly tattoos on his hand out of the corner of my eye. “You think she’d be open to moving to LA?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“No idea,” I answered truthfully. “But I wouldn’t worry about it too much right now. You’re on the road, and she’s content where she is. Just worry about what’s in front of you right now.” I turned back toward him. “Have some fun with your friends. Jorel mentioned swimming.” George sighed, and let his cigarette butt fall to the ground. He put it out with his heel, and Danny followed suit.

Danny went inside, and George closed the sliding door behind him, staying out with the balcony on me. “She loves me, right?” I nodded my head, giving into his vulnerability.
“She adores you, stop being so self conscious. Go have fun.” He sighed, heading back inside of the hotel room. I finished the cigarette and headed back inside the empty room. I laid down on the bed I was sharing with Danny and found myself quickly drifting off to sleep.



I found myself walking in the general direction of the pool room, where I knew the guys still were, trying to kill some time before they decided it was time to get out and grab dinner or go party. I could hear them screaming, even all the way down the hall, and I knew that they were probably the only people in there right now, probably scaring away all of the guests before they even got in the water with their antics and tattoo covered bodies.

When I walked into the pool area, everyone was pretty much scatted out between the pool or the three hot tubs that were sitting off toward the other far side of the room. A few of the crew members were lounging in some of the lounge chairs that were randomly placed around the pool, their faces covered by their hats, obviously asleep. I walked closer toward the pool, watching Jorel boost himself out of it, in front of me. I couldn’t help but noticed his toned body. I bit my lower lip, before looking up at his face, and releasing it immediately when our eyes met. He gave me a sheepish smile, as I noticed the rest of the lounge chairs at the bottom of the pool.

I sighed. “What in the hell were you guys thinking?”

“We weren’t,” he answered truthfully, with a shrug of his shoulders. “What are you doing down here with us? Didn’t think you wanted to swim.” I looked down at myself for a minute. Yes, I was still in my t-shirt and jeans, I hadn’t magically changed before him into a swimming suit.
“Does it look like I’m here to swim, Jorel?” He gave me a shrug, and a small smile came to his face. His dark hair was dripping water down his face. Couldn’t help but to notice how cute it was.

“Well, I was hoping.” I shook my head, and he gave me a frown. “So, what are you here for?” I shrugged my shoulders. I hadn’t really come for a reason in particular, I had just wanted to check on them, and make sure that they hadn’t burned any of the hotel down yet. It had been a good three hours since I had last seen them. I didn’t realize that they could be so amused by a pool for this long.

“Just came to check that you were all still here. See if you guys’ wanted to get ready and go out for dinner.” I pulled out my phone, seeing that it was a little after five. They all wouldn’t be ready for at least another hour, if they were all to jump in the shower before we tried to go somewhere and sit down to eat.

“Could eat,” he nodded. “I’m sure they all could too.” I nodded my head.

“Well, get to it, Jorel. See if they want to go out and eat. And make sure those fucking chairs get pulled out of the pool.” He looked behind himself and down into the pool. There were four of them at the bottom of the ten foot deep end. He looked back toward me, grabbed my phone from my hand, and then proceeded to push me into the water. I vocalized a high pitched scream, as I hit the water, completely not expecting the shove.

I sank into the water, in pure terror, and began to grab for something around me. Nothing came into contact with my hands, and I attempted to push up on the water around me. When I surfaced, I took a deep breath. I floated in the direction of the side of the pool, and pulled myself out of it. Jorel stood there, laughing the whole time.

“Jorel, you’re an asshole,” I informed him, grabbing my phone from his hands. I shoved him in the direction of the pool, and headed for the door I had just came through.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” he called from behind me. I looked behind me, watching Jorel follow me through the hallway. He had put on a pair of flip-flops, I could hear them flopping with his walking, and he was practically running in my direction trying to catch up. “Will you stop?”

“I’m all wet!” I turned toward him, holding my arms out, and continuing to walk backwards. “I want to get out of these fucking wet clothes and into something dry so we can go eat.” I stopped, and took a quick look behind me, to figure out where I was. I was about ten feet away from the elevator. I turned toward it, and hit the ‘up’ button.

“Well, I’m sorry,” he offered. I turned back toward him, as I had to wait for the elevator. “I didn’t think you would get so mad.” I sighed.

“I don’t like being wet.” Jorel laughed a little bit as he stopped before me.

“Well, I’m sorry about making you wet.” I shrugged my shoulders, holding my breath. He grinned at me a little bit and leaned in, toward my ear. “How wet do I make you?” My hand came in contact with his naked shoulder, with the sound of the loud slap echoing throughout the hallway. “Ow!”

“Knock it off, Jorel.” I heard the elevator door slide open behind me. I began to step back into it, still facing Jorel. He walked in after me, still standing at the same distance he had been. He randomly reached out behind him, and hit a bunch of the on the touch pad behind him. None of them corresponded with our floor, but we would be on this elevator for a while, for how many floors he did hit.

“Don’t I fix your fancy?” He questioned, his bottom lip pouting out. I almost bit mine again; he was making this really difficult for me right now.

“Knock it off, Jorel. I’m serious.” He too a step closer to me, and I stepped back, not liking the fact that I was this close to him. I wanted nothing more than for him to throw me against the wall and fuck me senseless, but since I knew that wasn’t going to happen and that he was probably fucking with me, I just had to let it go. “I’m your boss.” He shook his head a few times.

“Not at all.” I felt my back hit the back of the elevator, and Jorel set his hands on either side of my shoulders. “I am your boss, you keep my schedules.”

“Are you going to just fucking stand there,” I started, knowing I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. I had to say it, “or are you going to fucking kiss me?” He set his hand against my lower neck, and his lips met mine.