I Hope You're as Happy as You're Pretending

CHAPTER FOUR: This Evolution With You Comes Naturally
February 7, 2011 - Sioux City, IA
I picked up my head, reaching over toward my phone that was going off on the nightstand next to my head. I looked at it quickly, noticing that it was ten, and that Kristie was calling. I sighed, pulling the cord out of the side of it, and sat up on the bed, my legs hanging over the side of it. The room was dark, minus the streams of light that were coming in from around the shade that had been pulled closed.

I pushed myself off of the bed, and walked around the bed, and into the bathroom, near the exit door of the room. I closed the bathroom door behind myself, answering the phone and binging it to my ear. She was concerned with her band, I understood that. There were bands that I had toured with multiple times that I was concerned with.

“Hello?” I asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub. I was tired yet and wanted to go back to sleep. The hotel had graciously allowed us to stay past their regular check-out time, so I wasn’t worried about getting everyone up for the day just quite yet. I still had a few hours before that had to be done.

”Hey,” she answered, a little more cheery than I wanted to hear at this precise moment. I could feel a burning in my stomach; I didn’t feel good this morning. I hadn’t felt good at all since before I had locked lips with Jorel last night in the elevator. “How are things?”

“They’re going,” I answered.

“That doesn’t exactly sound good or settle me the right way.” I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to tell her too much. I didn’t want to tell her what Jorel and I had done, I didn’t want to tell her that George missed the fuck out of her, I didn’t want to tell her that I hadn’t seen Matt in about two days. Those were all things that would bring her back here, and she didn’t need to be here. She needed to be at home, and I was really hoping Matt would show up sooner rather than later.

“Everything is fine, Kristie. Got a hotel for the night, guys’ are all fed, I hope they’re all sleeping.”

“And?”

“And what? I don’t know what you want from me, Kristie. Its been two days since we left your ass in Detroit. I have this under control, alright? Let me do my job that you hired me for.”

“Knock it off. I am your puppet master,” she laughed and I rolled my eyes. She wasn’t funny; she had been around Hollywood Undead for way too long, and they laughed at all her ridiculous jokes. Wasn’t quite sure if it was because they were always drunk or because they actually thought she was funny. “How’s George doing?”

“He’s fine.”

“I miss him,” she sighed.

“I’ll bring him back at the end of next week, okay? Stop freaking out. Everything will be fine.”

“Don’t know if baby Jordan can wait that long.” I sighed. George wanted to be there as much as she wanted him to be there. If she were to go into labor before the shows were over, we would lose George, and everyone knew that. “Its been very temperamental lately.”

“Just like its parents,” I pointed out and she huffed.

“Shut the fuck up, you.”

“Kristie, I’m tired. I’ll call you later or something.”

“Matt is on a plane for Iowa,” she said quickly, before I could hang up the phone. I stomped one of my feet against the tile floor of the bathroom. I was hoping that’s the last place he would be. “I set up a car for him to take him to the venue. Make sure you do roll call next time.”

“How long have you had him?”

“Auburn Hills police department picked him up passed out in the bushes of the Palace around four in the morning yesterday,” she answered. “I had him sleep it off, and now he’s on his way.”

“Fuck me.”

“Yes, fuck you. Make sure they get to their sound check, okay? And do roll call tonight. Matt is a drunk wander.” I sighed.

“Alright, I’m sorry to disappoint you already.”

“Shut up. Go back to sleep.”

“I don’t think I can now. How are you?”

“Fucking perfect.”

“Shut up,” I laughed. “I’ll see you later. Few days. Don’t have that kid.”

“I’m trying not to. Bye!” The line went dead, and I pushed myself off of the side of the bathtub. I walked back out into the room, seeing that Danny was up, leaning back against the headboard of the bed we had shared. He had his phone in his hand, and got off the bed when he saw me. He slipped past me, and into the bathroom.

“Good morning to you too,” I said to him, taking a seat on the foot of the bed.

“How’s my girl?” I looked toward George. He was on his side, facing me, and his eyes were still closed.

“Just as unfunny as ever,” I answered, and he laughed rolled onto his back, setting his hands on his stomach.

“She’s funny,” he retorted, rolling onto his other side, and taking Jorel into his arms. Jorel returned the embrace, and threw up a leg over George. “Right, JDog?” He made a incomprehensible noise. “Must be a present for me in your pants, huh?” He mumbled something again, and George laughed. “So hit that, mother fucker. Don’t just talk about it.”

“You’re the mother fucker and a fucking faggot,” Jorel told him, but still continued to tightly embrace him. “But I love you.” George laughed, and released Jorel. Jorel did the same for him.

“I love the mother of my baby,” he pointed out, rolling onto is back.

“It ain’t here yet.”

“Gonna name it after you, my friend.” Jorel rolled his eyes.

“No, you’re naming it after Jordon, because you fucking love that asshole.”

“Oh, shut your face,” George told him, pushing at his chest.

“You two are fucking gayer than usual this morning.” I looked back toward Danny, who had a hat adorning the top of his head. He was still in the clothes he slept in: his Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop shirt and a pair of shorts. He picked up his hoodie from where it sat next to me.

“Fuck you, dude,” Jorel told him, reaching over George to grab his phone from where it sat on the nightstand.

“I’m sure you’d like to try,” Danny answered. “Let’s go to breakfast.” I looked back toward Danny, who had since slid his hoodie over his shoulders. “I’m fucking hungry.”

“Hi Fucking Hungry, I’m Jorel.” I shook my head a few times, and laid myself back against the bed. George was laughing.

“What are you guys? Like seven?”

“There’s days where I think so, yes,” Danny answered, standing before me. He grabbed my hands, and pulled me into a sitting position. “Breakfast, come with me. I don’t want to eat alone.”

“Sense his urgency.”

“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” Danny asked him, letting my arms go. I looked toward Jorel, who was shrugging his shoulders, keeping his eyes on his phone. His fingers were fast against the screen of his iPhone.

“I ain’t got one, bro,” he answered, and George pulled his phone out of his hands. “Dude!”

“Go away,” George told him, very seriously. “I am not dealing with anymore of your bullshit this morning.” Jorel sighed, quickly getting off of the bed and away from George’s short and and extremely volatile temper. George looked down at Jorel’s phone for a second, and then up toward Jorel, who was quickly walking toward Danny and myself. “You did not.” I felt left out.

“I did,” Jorel answered, as George threw down his phone on the bed.

“Don’t do it again.” His tone was extremely threatening. I did not want to get on his bad side.

“I will if I fucking want to.” George pointed at him, starting to get out of bed. I looked back toward Jorel, who was no longer there, but heading out the door.

“He’s a pussy,” Danny said, going toward George, who had since sat back on his bed. “What’d he do?” George shook his head a few times at Danny.

“I’ll tell you later.”

“He fucking around with your wife?” George shook his head.

“If he fucked around with Kristie, you think I’d let him live? You think I would let her live?” Danny laughed a little bit, as I sighed, sliding myself up the bed.

“Don’t be concerned if he’s keeping your dick out of your wife.” George sighed, picking up Jorel’s phone, and held it in Danny’s direction. “Well, that could definitely complicate things.” George nodded at him.

“What could?” I asked. I was tired of listening, and not getting any answers.

“Band stuff,” George answered, and then shoved Danny a little bit, in my direction. “Go out for breakfast with Murillo. I have to call Kristie.”

“About what? I’m here, I can handle it. There is no need to involve Kristie.” He was shaking his head.

“No,” he answered. “No you can’t.”



I stood between Matt Sanders and Brian Haner, standing in the brisk Iowa air, just outside the venue near the opened door. The guys of Hollywood Undead through the door, doing their pre-show rituals. To me, it just seemed like a big drinking and drug fest, but they swore there was some importance to it. I just turned my head and ignored most of it, being in the company of two of my best friends in the world that I hadn’t seen in almost a year and a half. Not since Jimmy’s funeral.

“How’d you get hooked up with those guys?” Matt asked me, referring to Hollywood Undead. He understood that people jumped around tours, but he probably just didn’t see the connection.

“Through Kristie,” I answered, and he grinned a little bit. We had all known each other for years. “She’s pregnant, dude.” He nodded his head.

“Shit, yeah,” Brian laughed. “She was large and in charge.” I nodded my head. “Which scumbag is the daddy?” I laughed.

“Oh, don’t say that, Brian,” I laughed, pushing at his shoulder. “George loves her, she loves George. Blah, bah, blah. The same old, same old. Give me a cigarette.” He sighed, pulling the pack from his back pocket, and handing it over to me. “Lighter too?”

“So needy, bitch.” I grinned at him, as he reached back into his pocket and handed me a purple Bic lighter. I set one of the cigarettes between my lips, and lit it with his lighter, before pocketing both items. He didn’t notice. “So, you liking tour so far?” I shrugged, pulling the cigarette from my lips, and holding it between my fingers, while I talked.

“Its okay. Its hard coming in half way through.” Brian nodded. “And then they’re so used to the same old, same old with Kristie, and they don’t like anything new. They still call Kristie, they won’t tell me shit, and I just feel so left out.” Brian slid his arm around me, holding me against his body for a moment.

“Can always come hang with us when you feel that way.” He released me, and Matt nodded in agreement.

“Well, thanks guys.” They both nodded toward me, as I looked back inside the venue, watching the crew under me and the crew under New Medicine, the opening band, begin to clear the stage of their things. I should have been over there, overlooking everything, but I was sure they had everything under control by now. “How’s Zack?” Matt sighed and Brian shrugged his shoulders.

“Go see him,” Brian answered, and slid between Matt and I and went into the venue.

“He’s fine,” Matt answered. “Dating. You know, usual things. Things he should be doing.” I nodded my head. “You know, I still can’t believe you’re here, hanging out with us,” he laughed, taking me into his arms. “Go take good care of your band. Kristie likes to throw bitch fits when things don’t go right.” I nodded at him. He knew it all too well. When they had her as a tour manager for their first arena tour and things went wrong, you just wanted to stay out of her way when she was in her mood.

“I know. We’ll hang out later, get something to eat or something. We need to catch up. I haven’t seen you in forever.” Matt gave me a smile, and nodded his head.

“Yeah, definitely. Come find me later.” I nodded at him, and he began to head back toward the bus, and I walked into the venue, toward my band.

“Hey!” Jorel exclaimed, throwing an arm around me. “You have our masks?” I held up the case they kept them in, and set it on a cab that sat next to us.

“Last thing I would forget, as being the sole keeper of the masks.” Jorel laughed, and I noticed that the rest of them had began to alienate us from their circle. I didn’t say anything, but pulled myself out from under Jorel’s grasp. “What is their issue?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, readjusting his ball cap on the top of his head.

“No, Jorel. What the fuck did you do? Why are they alienating me all of a sudden? What did I do?!” What I said to him was mostly hushed so only he could hear it, but I as so angry, just in general. I was supposed to be ruling them and making sure they were doing what they were supposed to be, not being ignored.

“I don’t know,” he answered, his tone heavy with irritation. “They’re just being dicks.” I sighed. It was never that easy, not with bands this tight-knit. I had done something wrong to make them alienate he and I. I could only think of the kiss, but I hadn’t told anyone and I was really hoping that Jorel hadn’t told anyone either. I didn’t want anyone to know. It had been one moment of weakness.

I drug him further away from the band, so they were out of even the slightest ear shot, though it seemed like none of them were listening. “Did you tell anyone about what happened between us?” He grinned at me a little bit, but shook his head. I was going to try to believe him if he said no, but with that grin, I wasn’t sure.

“Not a word left my mouth about it.” I took a deep breath, feeling relieved, but still unsatisfied about the whole situation. Why were they alienating me like this right now?

“Okay, good,” I answered, pulling my phone from my pocket. I looked at the time on it, seeing how close they were to needing to go on stage. They still had a few minutes left, and they were checking the microphones right now. “Why are they mad at you, though?” He shrugged.

“When aren’t they?” I rolled my eyes, beginning to get irritated with him now.

“I don’t know, Jorel! I’m new here! Fucking help me out a tiny fucking bit from time to time, will you?” I shook my head a few times at him, fed up, and headed back toward where the rest of the guys were standing. I grabbed George’s arm, and drug him in the opposite direction of where I had left Jorel standing.

“What?” He questioned. I could hear the irritation in his voice, and it made me sigh.

“What did I do? What am I doing wrong, George? I don’t understand.” He set his hands on his hips. “Kristie put me in charge. The least you all could do is follow her wishes and help me out here.”

“We’re cranky,” he answered simply. “Stop messing around with Jorel, he’s engaged, alright?” He stepped past me and went back toward his band. “There are just some things that are off limits, okay?” I turned myself around, and watched him meet back up with the guys, setting my hand over my mouth, and immediately cursed myself.