Me.
With a break up comes blood.
June 6th, 2011
Time - 6:15pm
Location - Home (Sitting in the kitchen)
Song - Just Another Love Story by Jeydon Wale (Love this song)
Feeling - Depressed, Dead, Broken, and Horriable.
Ok this week let me say went by so long, it almost felt like it was never going to end. Everyday in class I would always look at the time, it would feel like hours had passed, but no it was only a minute. Yeah this week wasn't the best, it was long, filled with so many emotions, and so much more. Ok lets start with the emotions shall we. If you talk to me like normaly you know I vent out a lot, and if I don't I sorta do bad stuff, and I mean bad stuff. It mostly started with my "ex" looking at me. The reason I don't really call him my ex is that we never really went out but we were together. Hmm, confusing? Yes. With my boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend. Yes the rumors are true, we broke up and I am heart broken about it. I thought that maybe we should end it, but know that I am not with him I feel so lost, confused, and dead. I have been thinking about leaving him befor, but I thought that maybe everything would be alright. I guess wrong, every tear brings a waterfall. The night we ended it, I was a mess and I mean a mess. I was up all night crying, had about 3 panic attacks, was so emotional draind that I got out of bed and just fell to the ground. While I was on the ground I started crying more and more, no matter what I did the crying would not stop. I crawled (I mean it I crawled) to my desk and found a pair of sissors on the ground. I know that it is bad, but when I am depressed that much I don't think I just do. I tied a sock around my wrist and I cut. Once that blad hit my skin those tears when away, and I felt a sense of relef. To be honest when I was hurting myself, I didn't feel a thing no pain no nothing. I know why I didn't feel anything, I was that depressed and that never comes ever.
That night I just sat up in bed hoping and wishing that this was all a dream, and that I could wake up any minute. Sadly, my wish didn't come true. When I finally fell asleep, I woke up with the feeling of emptyness. I laied there in bed for about 4 hours, waiting for someone or something to take me out of this life. Each day feels like it is dragging on, and I just want this pain to end. I want to wake up in the morning and see him, and he will say maybe we should be together. I would hug him and never let go, I want to talk to him but I am scared that the only thing that will come out is more tears.
Time - 6:15pm
Location - Home (Sitting in the kitchen)
Song - Just Another Love Story by Jeydon Wale (Love this song)
Feeling - Depressed, Dead, Broken, and Horriable.
Ok this week let me say went by so long, it almost felt like it was never going to end. Everyday in class I would always look at the time, it would feel like hours had passed, but no it was only a minute. Yeah this week wasn't the best, it was long, filled with so many emotions, and so much more. Ok lets start with the emotions shall we. If you talk to me like normaly you know I vent out a lot, and if I don't I sorta do bad stuff, and I mean bad stuff. It mostly started with my "ex" looking at me. The reason I don't really call him my ex is that we never really went out but we were together. Hmm, confusing? Yes. With my boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend. Yes the rumors are true, we broke up and I am heart broken about it. I thought that maybe we should end it, but know that I am not with him I feel so lost, confused, and dead. I have been thinking about leaving him befor, but I thought that maybe everything would be alright. I guess wrong, every tear brings a waterfall. The night we ended it, I was a mess and I mean a mess. I was up all night crying, had about 3 panic attacks, was so emotional draind that I got out of bed and just fell to the ground. While I was on the ground I started crying more and more, no matter what I did the crying would not stop. I crawled (I mean it I crawled) to my desk and found a pair of sissors on the ground. I know that it is bad, but when I am depressed that much I don't think I just do. I tied a sock around my wrist and I cut. Once that blad hit my skin those tears when away, and I felt a sense of relef. To be honest when I was hurting myself, I didn't feel a thing no pain no nothing. I know why I didn't feel anything, I was that depressed and that never comes ever.
That night I just sat up in bed hoping and wishing that this was all a dream, and that I could wake up any minute. Sadly, my wish didn't come true. When I finally fell asleep, I woke up with the feeling of emptyness. I laied there in bed for about 4 hours, waiting for someone or something to take me out of this life. Each day feels like it is dragging on, and I just want this pain to end. I want to wake up in the morning and see him, and he will say maybe we should be together. I would hug him and never let go, I want to talk to him but I am scared that the only thing that will come out is more tears.