Me.
Love, Hurt, Pain. Which Way?
June 12th, 2011
Time - 5:41pm
Location - Home (Summer =D)
Song - Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade
Feeling - Confused-ish and a little happy
With this break up, I thought that I was going to be torn for a long time. To be honest I was sad for about 2 or 3 days, I mean what does this mean? Did I ever like him? I thought those question to myself for along time. When I think of him, I don't smile or cry. I just sit there, with no expression on my face. I don't want to believe that just maybe I never did like him, but I'm starting to believe it.
On his facebook he is saying stuff like:
sadness....
Ugh it'd be okay if summer ended now
Tired,confused,hurt,betrayed, but that's life.
Ok I know that all of these are about me because when I told him that I was talking to one of my old friends again. This old friend ask me if I still liked him because he said he still likes me, I sat there with my mouth open for along time. I was speechless, I had no feeling of anything at the time. So the one about the tired and confused was saying that he was confused about the stuff I said, the hurt was about me still thinking about that old friend, and the betrayed was to that I said I still might like this old friend. I know this hurt him, but for some reason all I could think about was how much I wanna just yell at him.
The sadness one was about his cat, but when I ask him what was wrong he said a bunch of stuff. I asked what was this other stuff and he said oh nothing, I am like ok start lying to me see if I get hurt.
The one about summer was that he said to me when we were dating was that, we would hang a lot more in the summer. Just the two of us and a lot of dates. Also one of his close friends have gone away for a few days, so he is alone and such. Things have been just crazy and I don't know what to think.
To top this all off, I am in a love triangle. Yes I never ever thought this would happen to me, well I guess I was wrong. Never ever get in one!! Ok with my friend and my ex boyfriend they both told me that I need to pick one of them. My ex boyfriend words were, Well you need to make your mind. I was pissed with my ex said that, I was like wow way to be nice about it. So I told my friend, Hey can you give me until tomorrow (Mind you this was a long time ago) to make up my mind. What he said made me feel happy, No Jordan take as long as you need I am not pressuring you. I am thinking about it myself. Sure the I am thinking about part made me a little but there is just something about him that I love.
Everything that my friend says to me always makes me smile and laugh. When we were talking about how he still liked me, he said I want to go out with you but I know that it is not going to work. I asked why, he said that one we live sorta far away and I have no way of getting were you live, and two I know that you are scared of love. That made my heart stop, he remember that I was scared of love. I said that a long long time ago, and I thought that he would not remember. The reason that I am scared of love is because of my old relationships. I had to fake stuff I wasn't like, I had to act like a druggie, had to act like a weak person, and just had to act like someone I was not. I was also in a abusive relationship, and that fucked everything up for me.
I know that I am scared of love, but if this guy or any other guy gives me time then I know I would be scared to fall for you. Like with this guy, my friend, when I was with this abusive guy I wasn't talking to him(my friend). Also when I did finally break it off with him, I started to talk with my old friend again. I knew I could trust him, even when we had our fights. I could trust him with everything I said and done. I have liked this person for about 3 years, so those feelings are going to be hard to go away. Also I have liked him for so long that even that scaredness goes away.
I might be out of my mind to pick him, but I think that is the right way to go. It is my life right? So it is my choice. For some reason he just feels right.
Time - 5:41pm
Location - Home (Summer =D)
Song - Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade
Feeling - Confused-ish and a little happy
With this break up, I thought that I was going to be torn for a long time. To be honest I was sad for about 2 or 3 days, I mean what does this mean? Did I ever like him? I thought those question to myself for along time. When I think of him, I don't smile or cry. I just sit there, with no expression on my face. I don't want to believe that just maybe I never did like him, but I'm starting to believe it.
On his facebook he is saying stuff like:
sadness....
Ugh it'd be okay if summer ended now
Tired,confused,hurt,betrayed, but that's life.
Ok I know that all of these are about me because when I told him that I was talking to one of my old friends again. This old friend ask me if I still liked him because he said he still likes me, I sat there with my mouth open for along time. I was speechless, I had no feeling of anything at the time. So the one about the tired and confused was saying that he was confused about the stuff I said, the hurt was about me still thinking about that old friend, and the betrayed was to that I said I still might like this old friend. I know this hurt him, but for some reason all I could think about was how much I wanna just yell at him.
The sadness one was about his cat, but when I ask him what was wrong he said a bunch of stuff. I asked what was this other stuff and he said oh nothing, I am like ok start lying to me see if I get hurt.
The one about summer was that he said to me when we were dating was that, we would hang a lot more in the summer. Just the two of us and a lot of dates. Also one of his close friends have gone away for a few days, so he is alone and such. Things have been just crazy and I don't know what to think.
To top this all off, I am in a love triangle. Yes I never ever thought this would happen to me, well I guess I was wrong. Never ever get in one!! Ok with my friend and my ex boyfriend they both told me that I need to pick one of them. My ex boyfriend words were, Well you need to make your mind. I was pissed with my ex said that, I was like wow way to be nice about it. So I told my friend, Hey can you give me until tomorrow (Mind you this was a long time ago) to make up my mind. What he said made me feel happy, No Jordan take as long as you need I am not pressuring you. I am thinking about it myself. Sure the I am thinking about part made me a little but there is just something about him that I love.
Everything that my friend says to me always makes me smile and laugh. When we were talking about how he still liked me, he said I want to go out with you but I know that it is not going to work. I asked why, he said that one we live sorta far away and I have no way of getting were you live, and two I know that you are scared of love. That made my heart stop, he remember that I was scared of love. I said that a long long time ago, and I thought that he would not remember. The reason that I am scared of love is because of my old relationships. I had to fake stuff I wasn't like, I had to act like a druggie, had to act like a weak person, and just had to act like someone I was not. I was also in a abusive relationship, and that fucked everything up for me.
I know that I am scared of love, but if this guy or any other guy gives me time then I know I would be scared to fall for you. Like with this guy, my friend, when I was with this abusive guy I wasn't talking to him(my friend). Also when I did finally break it off with him, I started to talk with my old friend again. I knew I could trust him, even when we had our fights. I could trust him with everything I said and done. I have liked this person for about 3 years, so those feelings are going to be hard to go away. Also I have liked him for so long that even that scaredness goes away.
I might be out of my mind to pick him, but I think that is the right way to go. It is my life right? So it is my choice. For some reason he just feels right.