Gerard Way Is My Dad?

Helena’s POV

I woke up at noon the next morning, facing Frank who was sitting up watching me. It reminded me of what happened only two years ago when I woke up with him staring at me, holding his shirt. The one I had borrowed after the concert I performed in the night before that. It was when Gerard and everyone else learned about our feelings for each other. Well, we were both learning too. I almost laughed out loud at the memories. “Hi.” I said to Frank who leaned over to hug me oh so randomly.

“Hey baby.” He replied, now kissing me a little.

“Well, you’re being lovey.” I commented after our small kiss.

“When aren’t I?”

“I dunno.” I answered truthfully. We both giggled in spite of this. “Is my dad awake?” I asked suddenly. He shrugged. I got up, and opened the door. As I peaked out of it, Gerard walked out of his room causing me to jump back in the suddenness. “Oh My God.” I exclaimed and shut the door, quickly.

“What the hell was that for?” Frank raised his eyebrows.

“Dude…Gerard…oh dear.” I couldn’t bring words to it. “I’ll be back.” I decided it was time to talk to him. I swear I heard Frank mumble ‘be careful’ but I wasn’t sure. I made my way into the living room. Gerard was standing in the kitchen, alone, drinking a glass of water.

Water. Thank God, it’s only water.

I wondered if he knew what he did. If he even realized that he was a drunk failure who murdered precious babies and could of possibly ruined their career. “Where’s Ryanne?” His words were soft and confused, as he looked at me. I stood up and stared at him from the doorway. I was too afraid to get too close to him.

“G-Gerard…”

“Why aren’t you calling me dad? Why is everyone so mad at me?” Gerard sounded very hurt and almost like a lost puppy. I didn’t feel a bit bad though.

“You killed her.” I whispered, staring at my socks. Gerard set down the glass on the counter and watched me a minute. I could feel the heaviness of being stared at.

“I..killed her? What? When? How?” He was definitely full of questions.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about this now.” I decided, quickly. “You just fucking killed her, Gerard. You can’t possibly understand how much I…hate you right now. I don’t even care that you hit me or almost drowned. The point is you murdered my daughter and ruined the show.”

“What? I did a show?”

“No, I did the fucking show for you.” I slurred, ignoring the tears that dared to come out of my eyes. I heard Gerard swallow hard and I sighed, wiping at my eyes.

“I’m..so sorry…I’m a horrible person. Oh My God.” Gerard was unexpectedly crying. I peeped up at him and stared at his guilty face a moment. I tried to read his thoughts but stopped myself, abruptly. “I killed my grand-daughter…” Gerard took all of it in. I shook my head, trying to keep myself from feeling bad for him. “And I don’t even remember anything. I’m such a shithead.”

“Yeah, you are.” I agreed, as quietly as possible. There was a horrid silence between us.

“I can’t believe myself…it’s okay if you don’t forgive me.”

“Gerard, I don’t even know.” It seemed to pain him when I called him Gerard. His face stiffened and he patted his back pocket. I watched him take out a lighter and then a cigarette and light it. He inhaled and exhaled the smoke and coughed a bit. I shook my head again. It bothered me to watch people light cancer sticks. “Gerard, stop.” I insisted.

“What?” He asked, looking at me oddly.

“Stop smoking. It’s not good for you.” I urged. “Just drink some more water or something. Please…I don’t want you to hurt yourself, I don’t completely hate you.” I admitted, taking a deep breath. Gerard didn’t respond. He only smoked more of the tragic cigarette. I pushed myself to walk over to him and take it out of his mouth, taking a big risk. I flicked it out and threw it in the trashcan. Gerard watched me and fixed himself another glass of water. Wow, I didn’t know I could stop him from doing that so easily. I felt horribly guilty then. If I had just stole his alcohol from him then maybe my daughter wouldn’t be dead. I started to head back to the bedroom, slowly.

“Where are you going?” Gerard inquired as I left the room. I thought for a minute before turning around to reply, smart-assedly.

“I’m going to go fuck Frank so I gave have another kid. Are you okay with that?” I rolled my eyes and walked away before I could get an answer from him.