One Wild Night

Time passed with a frightening rapidity. Marissa spent most of the time in an exhausted haze. True to Matt's word, Marissa and Brian were given breaks, but it never seemed long enough and Marissa's sleep schedule was completely out of whack, so she rarely slept during the breaks anyway.

Her parents had gone back to Alabama a week after Jacob had been born. Marissa was now counting down the days until she, too, could fly home. Being with Brian had become a daily torture. Marissa really liked him, and the attraction was totally one-sided. Unrequited feelings always hurt; however, this was worse than a simple crush. So much worse. There was nothing like wanting the father of your child and knowing that he feels absolutely nothing for you. Marissa somehow kept up a happy front. No one could see her pain. She even hid it from her girls. She wanted nothing to spoil their happiness.

Meanwhile, Jacob was the most spoiled baby in Huntington Beach, California. He had everything a baby could ever ask for--if babies were in the habit of making demands besides "feed me," "hold me," and "change my diaper." Papa Gates and Suzy doted on him, and Brent was always willing to watch his nephew. But it was the self-proclaimed "aunts" and "uncles" who were the worst, especially Jimmy.

Jimmy was incapable of going shopping without finding something that Jacob just had to have. Matt often joked that Brian and Marissa needed to be on their guard in case Jimmy decided he wanted Jacob for himself. Despite this fact, Matt shared an almost equal portion of the blame for Jacob being spoiled. Marissa thought it was adorable. Brian simply shook his head every time Matt or Jimmy showed up at the house with a gift.

One sunny morning in early August, Brian wandered into the bathroom while Marissa was bathing their son. "Hey, little guy."

Jacob smiled up at Brian, smacking the water with his tiny fists. Brian knelt beside Marissa on the floor next to the tiny tub Sabrina and Jason had given them. "I think maybe we should keep Jimmy away from him," Brian commented as Jacob seized a toy and banged it against the edge of the tub.

"Why?" Marissa questioned, trying not to react to Brian's nearness.

"Because he's going to influence Jacob to become a drummer," Brian said, gesturing. "I'm Synyster fucking Gates! My son is going to be a guitarist. It runs in the family."

"And if your son doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps?"

"That will not happen."

Marissa rolled her eyes, a slight smile tugging at her lips. "Whatever."

There was a short pause before Brian said "So...our next tour starts soon."

Marissa glanced at him. Johnny had mentioned this to her a couple of days ago, as had Cecelia, Jess, and Carmen. She'd been waiting on Brian to bring it up.

"You can stay here as long as you need to," Brian went on. He was messing with one of Jacob's toys and not looking at Marissa.

"I don't want to stay here," Marissa said. "I'm going home."

"You don't have to."

"I don't care."

Brian shifted to face her, and there was anger in his eyes. "So you're just going to take my son three thousand miles away from me?"

"You're going to be on the road. What difference does it make? I'll bring him to see his daddy as soon as the tour is over."

"Marissa--"

"What, Brian?" Marissa snapped. "You have a better plan? I'd love to hear it."

Brian sighed, raking a hand through his messy black hair. "No, I guess I don't. But I want to see him while I'm on the road, and I know the guys will, too. I can't go that long without seeing my son."

Marissa nodded. "Sure."

Brian hesitated. Marissa waited. She knew he had something else on his mind.

"You know," he said finally. "You could just stay in California. Not here, but--"

"No," she interrupted.

"All of your girls are here, and Jimmy, Matt, Johnny, and Zacky..."

Marissa noticed he didn't include himself in the list. "And? What would I do here, Bri? My life is in Alabama."

"You could get a job and--"

"And wait for you?" Marissa cut in. "I would always be waiting for you, Bri. Waiting for you to get off the road or done recording or home from a date or anything else you might be getting into. Waiting for you to have the time to spend with your son. Fuck that. I don't want that for me, and I don't want that for Jacob."

"You'd rather make sure he only sees me once or twice a month?"

"Will it be that different than what he'd get anyway?" Marissa asked coldly.

Brian glared. "Fine. Have it your way." He stood abruptly. "I'm going to Dad's."

Marissa listened to his retreating footsteps. The jingle of his keys preceded the opening and closing of the front door.

"Okay. You're so fresh and so clean." Marissa lifted Jacob from the warm water and wrapped him in a towel. Smiling, he reached up and touched her cheek. Marissa turned her face, planting a kiss on his tiny palm.

I'm making the right choice, she told herself, patting Jacob dry. I can't stay in California. The idea is ludicrous. I have an apartment and a job and my family in Alabama. What do I have here?

Your girls, a voice in the back of her mind answered. And a man who is breaking your heart.

****

Marissa was dozing fitfully for the first time in a four days. The bedroom was perfectly silent except for the sounds of the air conditioner and the soft whir of the ceiling fan. She'd had a shower and was clad in an oversized tee. Comfortable, clean, and relaxed, her exhaustion had finally triumphed. She had collapsed on the bed, unable to keep her eyes open, and no one had bothered her yet.

Jacob had been sick for the last four days. He hadn't been sleeping and therefore, neither had Marissa or Brian. The others had been staying over a lot, trying to help out. In fact, Matt and Cecelia were here now.

Marissa snuggled deeper under the covers. She could practically feel the deep sleep tugging her down into that place where she would lose all awareness. However, before she could happily descend into that place, the baby monitor gurgled.

Marissa opened her eyes. She listened while Jacob made sounds, getting himself riled up. She knew he would start screaming soon. She sighed, threw back her blankets, and sat up.

Suddenly, Jacob quieted. He cooed happily.

"Hey, little guy," came Brian's voice.

Marissa smiled.

"Hey. What's the problem, little guy? Can you quiet down for Daddy? I'd really appreciate it since Mommy is trying to sleep."

Marissa laid back down. She left the baby monitor on, listening to Brian's voice and Jacob's baby sounds. She didn't remember falling asleep, but the next thing she knew, her eyes opened and the bedroom was bathed in early morning sunlight. She lifted her head and squinted at the clock on her nightstand. It was six-fifteen a.m.

Marissa got up and went to the door, cracking it open and listening. Nothing. Everyone was still in bed.

Yawning, Marissa padded down the hallway, to the nursery. She opened the door noiselessly and peeked in. Brian was in the rocking chair, snoring softly. Jacob was in his crib, awake and waving his tiny fists in the air, giggling softly to himself.

Marissa tiptoed across the room and picked Jacob up. "Hey, buddy," she whispered. "You hungry?" She slipped out of the room, closing the door silently.

She walked to the kitchen and was surprised to find Matt there, making coffee.

"Breakfast time?" Matt asked, reaching out to take Jacob from her.

She nodded, handing over the baby. She retrieved a bottle from the fridge and put it on the stove to warm up.

"I didn't hear him at all last night," Matt commented, ruffling Jacob's tuft of black hair.

"Brian stayed in there with him so the rest of us could get some sleep," Marissa told him.

Matt looked up, his eyes meeting Marissa's. "Uh-oh."

Marissa smiled, but not like she was happy. "Complicates things, doesn't it? I mean, I know he's a good dad, but he seems to be going above and beyond the call of duty lately." She checked the milk and decided to give it a little longer.

"What are you going to do?"

Marissa shrugged. "We haven't talked about it."

"You know he wants you to stay."

"And I know that I want to go home."

Matt frowned. "None of us want you to leave."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean the other girls will. You're not gonna lose your piece of ass."

Matt glared. "You know that's not how I view Cece."

Marissa removed the bottle from the warm water. She dribbled a bit of milk on the underside of her wrist. "Breakfast is served."

"Let me." Matt took the bottle from her and offered it to Jacob. "Anyway, back to our talk. We don't want you to stay because we think it'll make the other girls stay. We want you to stay because we like you, and we like this little guy. We would miss both of you."

Marissa set about fixing herself a cup of coffee. "I can't stay, Shads. It's too weird living here with Brian and letting him support me and Jacob. It's basically doing what he accused me of when we first met."

"Marissa, he wants to do it. He wants to take care of his child."

"A child that he didn't even want," Marissa muttered.

"Who cares how he felt? What matters is how he feels now. He loves Jacob."

"But he doesn't love me!" Marissa's voice broke. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm not leaving Jacob here with him, and I will not relocate my entire life to California for a man who doesn't love me."

"You should've thought about that before you fucked him."

Marissa could tell from Matt's tone that he was beginning to get angry. She faced him. "Listen, no one wants to be in this situation. I know I sure as hell don't. So why don't y'all let me make it easier on everyone? I'll go home and Brian can pretend this never happened and go back to fucking a different groupie every night and having no responsibilities!"

"He can't now that he knows he has a child! You selfish fucking bitch! If you'd wanted his life to stay easy, you never should have come to Vegas and told him you were pregnant!"

Marissa slumped against the counter. "I know," she murmured.

Matt got to his feet and approached her, wrapping one arm around her. "We'll figure it out, sweetheart. I promise."