Dare To Have A Doubt

Dean Winchester let out a tired sigh as he pushed himself up from the sofa, the wooden floor was cold against his feet making him swear quietly as he turned off the TV sending the room into darkness. He made his way out into the hall and made sure the front door was locked, he glanced at the staircase then crouched to check the spray painted devils trap he’d hidden beneath the door mat was still in one piece. When he was happy with what he’d found he slipped off the hall light and made his way upstairs, one slow step at a time.

It had been over a year since his brother Sam had thrown himself into Lucifer’s cage. A year since the last thing he’d heard Sam say ‘I’ve got him Dean, I’m so sorry’. A year since they had last shared a beer, a joke, a story, the impala. For a year the same thoughts had haunted him, played in his mind over and over and over again but he refused to let himself go back on his promise.

He was trying to live a normal life, he had a girlfriend that he loved who was also carrying his first child, they shared a good sized home in Fresno, California and he’d taken a job as a builder. It paid better than being hunter and he still got to play with dangerous tools but it wasn’t the same, he didn’t get the same thrills from hammering nails into wood that he got from hammering a stake into something’s heart.

As he made his way along the hallway he pushed open the first door past the bathroom, it was a baby nursery without a baby but he still liked to look in before he went to bed just so his mind could get onto the same level as his heart, he was excited but his brain couldn’t quite deal with the fact. He flicked the light on illuminating the box shaped room, he’d managed to finish the painting the weekend before despite his girlfriends attempts to distract him, he always thought that anyone could paint but she’d proven his theory wrong.

Against the wall sat a small wooden crib already filled with soft teddies and comfy looking blue blankets, after looking in the room for a few seconds everyone had to know he was going to have a son, a new Winchester to carry on the name. Dean wasn’t going to teach him how to be a hunter but he was going to teach him out to protect himself, he already had the lessons planned out in his head.

With a small smile across his lips he flipped the lights out again and closed the door over softly, he sighed contently before turning and opening the door across the hall. In the darkness he couldn’t see her but he could hear her shallow breathing from the bed, he didn’t know why he expected her to be awake when she’d left him downstairs nearly two hours beforehand. He crept into the room, tripping over his work jeans as he went, he felt his way around to his side of the bed then clambered under the sheets clumsily enough to wake the sleeping woman at his side.

“Dean?” she asked quietly, her words laced thickly with the sleep he’d just woken her from.

“Yeah it’s me Sunshine, just go back to sleep” she yawned and he felt her roll away from him so she was facing the window “I’m just going to switch the lamp on for a second, keep your eyes closed okay?” the woman muttered in response, he took it as an ‘okay’ and switched the lamp on. He sat still for a few seconds to see if Sunny would move, she rolled onto her back, scrunched up her face and rubbed her swollen belly but she didn’t wake up. Dean kept his eyes on her as he reached under the bed and pulled out a jar of water, he shook it slightly moving the rosary beads resting inside before he put it back and pulled out a sawn-off shot gun, he checked that both rock salt bullets were both inside then hid it again. He turned the lamp off sending the room into darkness then shuffled down until his head hit the comfortable pillow, he tossed a couple of times trying to get comfortable before tugging his t-shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor.

Sunny immediately rolled over again, her belly pressing against his side as she lifted her head to rest on his arm “are you tired baby?” Dean asked as he brushed her long hair away from her face, his hand dropped to her stomach where he rubbed circles into the exposed skin between her shorts and vest. Suddenly there was small thud at the end of the bed making Dean sit up quickly, ready to kill whatever was there but instead was met by George.

George was the bane of his existence. The fat, ginger, stupid looking cat had been in his home and part of Sunny’s life before he’d realised there was even a cat wandering around. The first time he’d even seen George he thought she was a stray and it was as he chased her to the back door that he noticed the small red cat dishes sat onto of a mat shaped like a fish.

She was a she but Sunny still called her George, sometimes Georgie when she was cuddling the stupid thing. Dean hated her, he really, really hated the cat but while he was at work he knew it kept Sunny company.

“It’s just George” Sunny’s voice was airy as she pushed herself into a seated position, her eyes were half lidded as she lifted the small cat towards her “move over Dean, make some room” she pushed at his arm lazily with one hand before she sank down into the covers again taking George with her

“Cats don’t sleep under the covers” they had the same argument every night and every night he lost “just let her sleep on your stomach, she likes it there”

“There’s already a baby there remember? Just give her some room” at his side he could feel the brushing of the cats fur against his arm as she spun in a little circle trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. It still felt surreal to him, he wondered how Sunny could slip so easily into this life and seem like nothing had happened, he didn’t know how she could pretend that Sam dying and Castiel hating her were nothing.

Falling back against the pillow with a quiet thud Dean tried to force his eyes closed, he felt Sunny’s hand rest against his chest, her fingers running lightly across the skin. This was his life now. Wake up, go to work, return to dinner with Sunny, watch some TV or maybe spend sometime with the neighbours that had become good friends, then Sunny would go to bed complaining of sickness or a sore back and he would be left to his own devices for a few hours before he forced himself into bed.

&&

“Remember I have a doctors appointment this afternoon” Sunny reminded him as he rushed behind her one hand grabbing a slice of toast from her plate the other struggling to fasten his tool belt, she’d let him sleep in ten minutes later than usual but it had proven to be a terrible idea as he rushed to shower and get his work clothes on “you did ask for the afternoon off right?” she questioned as he stared back at her with a blank face

“What doctors appointment?” he questioned through a mouth of toast “we already know it’s a healthy baby boy” he swallowed his food and grinned happily before swooping down and pressing a kiss against her lips as he stole her second piece of toast “there’s no reason for us to go back right?”

“Come on Dean” she frowned as he stood back to his full height “two o’clock, if you aren’t there I’m going to be pissed” she turned back to her plate and sighed finding it empty, she turned on her seat ready to yell at Dean but he was already vanishing through the back door “I’M EATING FOR TWO! STOP EATING MY FOOD!” she called after him angrily as she got up to close the door over.

The house was silent then, without Dean rushing around and George sleeping on the grass outside she was alone.

Slowly she got to her feet, holding her bump with one hand, the other holding her empty plate, she wasn't going to cook again; she couldn't be bothered. After dumping the plate in the sink she moved into the family room where she would sit and watch Oprah until half an hour before Dean got home when she would go and start dinner before watching TV until she had to sleep just to get away from how boring and mundane her life had become.

Dean wasn't the only one who's life had become routine, at least he got to go to work everyday while she was stuck at home pregnant and uncomfortable. He seemed to have it in his head that he was the only one suffering, the only one who still hurt after what had happened. Everytime she saw him thinking all Sunny could think of was the difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. That was how she could discribe her life these days.

She lowered herself onto the sofa cautiously, she always sank into it if she moved faster than was needed. For a minute she was comfortable, the television was on, George had come back into the house to join her and she had tea but her peace was short lived when there was a loud knocking against the door. Sunny figured Dean had made it half way to work before realising he'd forgotten a certain tool that he needed. She was half way to the door when he knocked again

"Alright, I'm coming! You know how slowly I'm moving these days, calm your ass" she let out a heavy sigh before unlocking the door and tugging it open "what did you forg-" she cut herself off as she took in the figure stood in front of her, she could feel her face twisting in horror as she slammed the door closed in his face and raced to fasten all of the locks running up the wooden door.

"Sunny come on" he sighed loudly "open up" she jumped as he wrapped his fist against the wood again "I'll just take the door down, it's no big" slowly she backed her way towards the phone and grabbed it with both hands "I'll count to three okay?" pressing speed dial the phone began ringing "ONE" the phone was still ringing "TWO" the other end clicked signalling that Dean had answered "THREE" there was a seconds silence where Sunny managed to beg him to come home before there was a loud crack as the door came off it's hinges and slammed against the floor

"YOU NEED TO COME HOME NOW!" Sunny screached before dropping the phone and backing away.