Skipping a Beat

It’s strange when you see a person interact with their friends for the first time. Maybe the strange thing lies in realizing that they have friends. Of course you can assume everyone in the world has a friend, at least one of them, but it’s strange when you actually see them with that one person for the first time when you’re so used to them just interacting with yourself. It’s like looking at pictures of your parents when they were younger, they obviously had to be young at one point, but you never think about it because it had nothing to do with the people you knew who more or less raised you.

I had never stopped to wonder about Reese that often, but it was strange to see him outside of the coffee shop that I had begun to associate with him. It was strange to see him in the open air in real life, where he probably used toothpaste and went out with girls where he ate and smoked and partied. It was almost wrong to put someone of his magnitude out in the world with the regular people, someone who shimmered and shined like he did should not be associated with people who had normal lives, even if in that moment there was no way I would have ever admitted that there was anything special about Reese Munn other than the guitar over his back.

He led the way through the crowded sidewalks that always smelt, with pavement that was always damp, filled with angry people who had to be somewhere ten minutes ago and blamed everyone else for their problems. Even in a crowd this large, there was no pretending that he didn’t stand out, the way he walked slower than most of them, his hips swinging from side to side the slightest bit and his dark hair falling over his sharp features.

Stranger still is that the entire time we were walking I never once imagined where he would be taking me. In any other circumstance my mind would have been whirling with horrible scenarios that could happen late at night in a city this big. It would take me all of five minutes to talk myself out of it and excuse myself so that I could run home to my drunken mother who was probably locked away in her room with another man, maybe even a married one this time.

I had thought of several different excuses in my mind that I could use to slip away from him, anything at all that would put more distance between where he was standing and where I was standing. I would have given almost anything to be able to say one of them and leave him standing there on the sidewalk where he obviously did not belong. Not one of them fell off my tongue that night though, no single excuse was strong enough to overcome Reese Munn in that moment, with his soft eyes and his low voice that he saved for when we were alone. There was nothing in that moment that would break through his lazy haze that he had cast over the world, and so I went on following him through the streets, and when were shoved closer together through the crowds, I could faintly make out his humming in the back of his throat, that same familiar song that I had long since memorized over and over again.

It was almost too much to just be this near him for this long. There was some sort of magnet built into his blood seemingly, that made you want to just stand near to him so that people might see you next to a boy like this. The kind that made girls pause mid-walk and stare as they passed by and wish longingly that he had maybe been blown away by them, too, even though he rarely ever was. There would be a lot more that I would learn about Reese that would make me want to be near him, too. And those would come later, after the motion had been set, after my world had been shifted sideways until it seemed that I had always been seeing it wrong, but not yet, not on this night.

We passed many loud and rowdy sports bars that blasted music and boasted scantily-clad waitresses, we passed many other coffee houses that were open late at night and their aroma wrapped around me and the smell of coffee filled the air and it felt like home for a split second. It was almost too late to be out, I knew that if my mother wasn’t locked away with some man she might be wondering where I was at this hour, or maybe she wouldn’t be wondering at all, that she would be far beyond caring about me and my well-being.

We were coming to the corner of a street that was crowded with old vintage record stores and funky shops that sold strange t-shirts when I heart it first, the shouting from the joint on the corner with no sign above it.

“Reese, what the hell man, is that you?” A voice yelled down the darkened street and suddenly Reese’s arm was lifting in a greeting and his pace picked up the slightest bit at the sight of a tall, lanky boy leaning out of the doorway of the corner shop.

“Who else could it fucking be?” Reese called back, just as he reached the man and they clasped their hands together.

Now that we were closer I could see the boy was my age, with long dark shaggy hair that refused to stay out of his eyes and baggy clothing that was almost falling off his skinny frame. He had an infectious smile though, wide across his full lips, flashing all of his pearly teeth at me, and later I would learn that his smile rarely ever left his face, and that his laugh was never far behind his smile. “Who do you have here?” He asked, looking at me with wide and curious eyes while smoke and the smell of beer came out of the doorway behind him, along with the laughter and conversation of others.

“This is Laura,” Reese said, nudging his arm in my direction and sparing me a glance for a second before turning back to the boy, “And this little fucker here is Tommy, his brother owns this place.”

“What even is this place?” I asked, finding my voice among the crowd passing us.

“If you don’t know, you’re not cool enough to know,” Tommy said proudly laughingly slightly as he disappeared back into the room.

Reese smiled at me and followed him, motioning over his shoulder for me to do the same and I did slowly and somewhat cautiously, feeling out of place the second that Tommy had called Reese’s name down the street and it had struck me for the first time that Reese had an entire life outside of Luna’s, with a mother and father and maybe even siblings. Friends and ex-lovers and failures and successes, he had a favorite movie and favorite color and things I didn’t even know. It felt strange to be suddenly thrust into such a life that he had established, and partly against my will. The smart part of me was still thankfully screaming for me to leave this instant. He hadn’t put his guitar down the entire night, a nagging reminder that the guitar would always win over the love for others. The lull of music was too strong to overcome, and always would be.

Inside the room, there was awful green carpet and the air was foggy with smoke from cigarettes. The TV was showing a sports game that no one was watching and three pool tables sat in the middle of a sunken floor, each one crowded with people with other sprinkled around the outside around vintage arcade games that let out loud and obnoxious beeping noises frequently. It was nothing like I had ever seen before, with almost every person sucking on a smoke stick, each one had at least two piercings and ink over their skinny arms, but they all smiled at each other with friendly eyes and laughed loudly at stupid jokes, just like anyone else would.

“It’s called Camelot,” Reese said to me suddenly over the music and beeping, his body suddenly appearing next to mine through the light crowd and his head bending down to my ear.

“What?” I asked, furrowing my brow as I took in the scene before me and feeling out of place like at school lunches or parties that I hadn’t even really wanted to be at in the first place.

“This place, it’s called Camelot, Freddie came up with it one night when I’m sure he was high,” Reese said, nodding over at the bar at a man with scruff wiping down the surface in slow circular motions with a rag who I assumed was Freddie.

“Why isn’t there a sign?” I said again, turning slightly so that I could see Reese’s hazy face.

“There used to be one but three months ago Tommy’s friend stole it and on his way home he drove into the bay,” Reese shrugged and moved down a few steps to the sunken floor. “Are you coming?” He called back to me.

It was a question that would be present a lot during our relationship. That one sentence, almost taunting sometimes and worried other times, that one question that would reassure him of my devotion, and would reassure me that I always had a leader on this road that would sometimes take me places I hadn’t planned on being. This question kept us on track, it reminded us that there was still a hint of doubt in everything we did, the answer would break or make us, and eventually even though he would ask, there would be no answer needed, of course I was coming with him, wherever and whenever.

“Yeah, I’m right behind you,” I said, following him down, holding onto the rail with white knuckles as Reese was suddenly devoured by a large crowd who were all calling out and tugging on his shirt for a moment of his attention. This is the reaction Reese got everything he went everywhere, the people desperate for a turn on the spotlight he carried with him, for a moment of sharing it with someone as magnificent as him.

“Holy shit I swear every time you leave it feels like you’re never coming back,” A girl with unnatural blonde hair said, her lip ring glimmering against her dark lipstick as she tugged on his shirt collar and smirked at him like they shared a history and secrets that no one else could ever know.

“I always come back,” Reese said gently, smiling ever so slightly at the girl, turning his attention instead to the boy to this left with dark hair and a treacherous gleam in his eyes, “I swear you get worse every time that I see you Jamie.”

“You’re jealous fucktard,” the boy who must have been Jamie replied. Out of anyone that I have ever met in my life, this boy, this Jamie, was the only person in the world who could for a moment, steal the spotlight away from Reese Munn. He was just dark and dangerous enough to divert the attention to him, just mysterious enough to have you wondering for a second. He was all secrets that boy, none of them were ever answered and it was best left that way, a boy with a smile like that could be more dangerous than you want to imagine.

“Reese Motherfucking Munn!” The man behind the bar, Freddie yelled suddenly over the noise and Reese’s head automatically turned in that direction and he smiled widely before detaching himself from the crowd and making a beeline for the bar.

With Reese gone, the voices in the crowd died down, but then the eyes fell on me for a second and moved on, but immediately flicked back when the realized that I didn’t belong here. I was standing off at a small distance, my hand gripping onto the edge of the pool table so hard my knuckles were turning white. I hated that Reese had dragged me here of all places in the middle of the night. I hated that I went with him anyway, and I hated all the eyes on me.

“Who are you?” Jamie asked first, as he would always be the first to do something.

“You came with Reese didn’t you?” The blonde girl asked, smiling with half of her pretty mouth.

“Yeah,” I answered softly, and worried for a second that they couldn’t hear my voice over the crowd, but they all seemed to react to this, some nodding their heads others casting their eyes downward and some still resting in a slight glare on me suddenly, taking in every single detail of me.

“Why on earth would you do that?” She asked again, his voice slightly ragged from all the smoke, but her eyes were sharp and clear and even slightly friendly.

I smiled for a second at this girl who I knew nothing about, just because she was the only one who had showed me any kindness at all the entire evening, even if it was just an emotion behind her eyes, “I have no idea.” I answered truthfully, figuring that it would suffice for these people, who must surely understand if they knew Reese so well.

The girl nodded and jumped down from her perch on the table before extending her hand to me. Now that she was standing there I noticed how short she was, even more so than I was, but everything about her was almost larger than life, “Well in that case I’m Kelly, and trust me when I tell you that no one has any idea when it comes to Reese motherfucker.”

“Once again, who are you?” Jamie called over our conversation, appearing behind Kelly’s shoulders and his glinting eyes landing on me and making my heart jump in pure fright and excitement.

“Laura,” I said lowly finding it difficult to meet his gaze for more than a few seconds at a time.

“You really stand out here don’t you?” He asked with a laugh in his voice and I felt myself flush slightly under his scrutiny, the way he looked at you always made you feel like in his mind he was picturing you naked and that he liked what he saw.

“Jamie she’s fine, she’s with Reese which means we love her,” Kelly said sharply, almost like a mother, driving her elbow back into Jamie’s abdomen sharply and he winced slightly.

“Of course, everyone loves everything that has to do with Reese,” Jamie smiled ironically, leaning back against the pool table and scooping up a striped ball in his hand, throwing it up and catching it in his strong and steady hands.

“So how long have you known him?” Kelly asked, cocking her head to the side slightly.

“Not long,” I said, wishing that I could be anywhere but here, where people were paying attention to me and asking me questions, where their eyes would be on me because I was new and different. I wanted to mesh into the wall, disappear completely so that I wouldn’t have to think or deal with other people so that I could focus on one thing at a time in this miserably life I was forced to walk through. There was nothing in this world that I hated more than attention from people, the kind of attention where people would observe you as if you were on display somewhere, something to be wondered about, and I always felt the need to explain that there was absolutely nothing extraordinary about me. I was just as normal as anyone else in this city, I held no wonder or awe, and it was a waist to spend even a moment of your time thinking so.

“You heard him sing didn’t you?” Kelly asked, giving me a knowing look and there was no doubt in my mind that this girl used to hold a piece of Reese’s heart for her own. I wondered for a moment what had happened with him, if it was awful and explosive or if it was quieter and snuck up on the two of them.

“He sings where I work now,” I said, shrugging my shoulders as if this was no big deal, which I never really thought it was. But standing here now in this strange place with these strange people, I wondered if it was indeed, a big deal.

“She’s a goner,” Kelly declared suddenly, her voice rising a bit so that other people spared a glance in our direction.

I flushed again, looking down at the ground and fidgeting with my jacket, pulling it closer over my shoulders and fumbling with the buttons in my hands, “I’m not a goner, I’m here against my own will,” I managed after a short time, the words sort of stumbling out of my mouth.

“Really now?” Kelly asked, her eyes perked up and a grin fell on her mouth.

“My boss kind of answered for me when he asked me out and I didn’t have the heart to tell him no. I figured it wouldn’t do anyone any harm if I gave him one night,” I explained, keeping my head bowed but my eyes peaked up through my lashes at the people now gathered around me.

“Trust me sweetie, it’s going to do more harm than you can imagine,” Kelly said with a sad sort of look on her face that made me feel sad for her for a second.

“Jesus you guys you’re going to smother her,” Reese’s voice rang out suddenly across us and all the heads snapped to his direction. He was standing up by the bar, leaning over it slightly but turned towards us with his arms crossed and a grin on his face.

“Don’t worry we’re just getting to know you’re new play-thing,” Jamie said, grinning sharply and laughing once while Reese narrowed his eyes at him.

“You guys are fucking retarted, this is why I stop coming,” Reese said, rolling his eyes at his friends.

“Lair!” Kelly called, “You don’t come here because you’ve realized that you’re just not cool enough to hang with us anymore.”

“Shuddup, I’m cooler than all of you put together,” Reese said lightly, his smile turning somewhat affectionate.

“Well you’re here now, and you’ve brought us a shiny new doll to play with,” Jamie said in a sultry voice, moving closer and his hand brushing against my arm and making my tense up suddenly.

“Calm down sweetheart, we don’t bite,” He said softly, his eyes glazing over slightly.

“God man, could you find it in yourself to not rape her in front of everyone,” Reese called out, moving away from the bar and back down the steps, closer to where we were.

“That’s nothing,” Jamie said, and I truly believed him, that it was nothing compared to what could have happened if there was no one around, with those dangerous eyes and smirking lips.

Reese moved even closer, and as he did so I noticed Jamie moving away from me slightly, Reese occupying the space that he was just a second ago, “Sorry about that, Jamie is fucked up in the head from one too many joints,” He said, smiling slightly and grabbing my arm with the lightest of touches and moving me away from the crowd slightly against their loud, drunken protests. “I wanted you to meet Freddie anyway.”

“You’ve got some interesting friends,” I said, grinning slightly even though my insides were still slightly reeling from the encounter.

Reese scoffed slightly, “Sometimes their complete idiots, I swear.”

“They seem alright to me,” I shrugged, hoping that he wouldn’t see how affected I was.

“Bullshit, you’re practically shaking,” Reese said low in my ear and my stomach dropped and I wanted to hide from embarrassment.

“Freddie,” Reese called out as we closed in on the bar, smiling at the dark man behind the counter.

“So this is the coffee bitch?” Freddie asked blankly, raising one eyebrow at me and I felt myself blush a deep red and my mouth went dry.

Reese laughed once and leaned over to punch Freddie in the arm, “She’s alright once you get past the bitch part,” he said simply, as if this were the complete and utter truth and it made me feel even more uncomfortable.

“Freddie,” he said, holding out his hand to me and I took it carefully, smiling up at him politely. “You don’t say much do you?” He asked me, his other eyebrow rising too.

“I think people make her nervous,” Reese answered for me, as if I wasn’t even there and I felt slightly stung.

“Maybe that’s why she’s a bitch,” Freddie offered and then he shot me the subtlest of smiles that seemed like it was meant to assure me that he didn’t really believe I was a horrible bitch.

“I’m not a bitch,” I said finally, trying to appear calm and confident instead of a nervous wreck.

“Of course,” Freddie said with a chuckle looking over at Reese, “At least not as much of a bitch as Reese over here, who goes weeks without showing up and then brings a girl with him the next time. Kelly just about had a fucking stroke man,” Freddie said, a seriousness showing through his tone suddenly that made me feel uncomfortable all over again. These people had no intention of filtering anything around me, even if I was new.

“Kelly and I were over a long time ago man, you know that,” Reese said earnestly, leaning the slightest bit closer to me, so that most people wouldn’t notice, but I who noticed everything about Reese Munn, did.

“Still, you know how you leave the girls,” Freddie said with a casual shrug of his shoulders, stating a simple way of life the way most people state the weather for the next week. “Where the hell have you even been?”

“Just around,” Reese shrugged stiffly, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

“You know it makes me feel better when you come and see me sometimes,” Freddie said, giving Reese a severe look.

“What are you, my dad?” Reese said, trying to appear light but his shoulders started to hunch and I felt so small and invisible next to him in that moment that it was almost overwhelming.

“I’m not saying it like that, but it’s just nice to know that you haven’t done anything stupid enough to kill yourself yet,” Freddie said, his tone laced with too many emotions to count and the way they were talking made me feel dizzy. No one I had ever met stated everything they were thinking the same way these people did. There were no boundaries here, nothing to stop you or hold you back and it was frightening and humorous all at the same time.

“Yet,” Reese repeated, smiling again to lift the mood and he turned his gaze back to me slightly, “I promised I’d buy you dinner didn’t I?” Reese said, not pausing long enough for me to reply, “Let’s get out of here, I know a good place around here that we can eat at and then I’ll take you home,” Reese said, slumping past me and already leading the way out. People were calling and jeering after him but he ignored them, instead waving a goodbye with one lazy hand lifted over his shoulder as he snuck out there the door and back out into the real world.