Status: Getting started, yo.
Ezzy
A Theory.
I was one of those people who wanted to fight, but knew she would get K.O.'d within the first few minutes. If I had someone to encourage me, pump me up a little, my adrenalin could run, and maybe I'd have a slight chance. Not that I was planning to start a fight, but I always witnessed them. I was the reason they happened.
People say stuff. They tell people not to judge a book by it's cover. I didn't even know my cover anymore.
“Lover, Lover” played on low on my radio. I wanted to turn it off, but was too lazy to even move. Niemann continued to sing: “Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more,
Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more.” Everything made me think of Jack. Was it possible to be a lesbian, and still love a guy? It was, I felt it. I wasn't physically attracted to Jack, (I mean he wasn't ugly, but I didn't swing that way), but I still did love him. Without him I felt, well, empty. I guess I'd always felt pretty empty, but he was the one to beat up anyone who called me a homo, and now he wouldn't even associate with one.
It was baffling to me how Mr. Uden could just snap. He never used to resent me, why should he now?
“Hey, can I come in?” my mother's voice rung like an annoying grandfather clock. Without my consent, my mother barged in rudely and flopped down on my bed. I glared at her, giving her the strongest death glare I ever had. Why would she be here? Why would she think she was invited to come in my territory? The only thing I had left, my only sanctuary, and now it must be burned. “Jack's mother called today,” she said. For once, I actually wanted to hear what my mother had to say. She sounded almost... Shy. Or scared. “Jack has been acting weird lately, different...”
“What?” I asked sitting upright. I felt my oak headboard design jab into my back mercilessly. I squirmed around trying to get comfortable, but even if my body was relaxed, I don't think my mind could handle this moment.
“Did you turn Jack 'gay'?” my mom asked me, as though she was scripted to say those exact lines. My jaw didn't drop, but one of my brows raised. Amusing. His parents actually thought my gay was rubbing off on him.
“There are two problems wrong with that theory,” I said through gritted, grinding teeth. “1. I like chicks. Don't you think I'd be talking good about girls, influencing him to like them more?” I waited for her to think about it. “2. Gay isn't contagious. You're born with it,” I explained and got up to go to the bathroom.
*
I sat in that bathroom all damn night, on the floor and just so confused. No one understood. His parents didn't know. If Jack was gay, which he wasn't, it would have had nothing to do with me. Nothing. His dad didn't need to beat the homophobia out of him, even if he was. He didn't have any problem with my sexuality until he thought Jack had caught the 'disease.' Jack's dad even made a pass at me, once or twice. So it was okay for me to be gay, as long as his son didn't become it. What a one-sided, biased, terrible mind. I was glad Mr. Uden's mind, was not mine.
I was confused.
People say stuff. They tell people not to judge a book by it's cover. I didn't even know my cover anymore.
“Lover, Lover” played on low on my radio. I wanted to turn it off, but was too lazy to even move. Niemann continued to sing: “Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more,
Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more.” Everything made me think of Jack. Was it possible to be a lesbian, and still love a guy? It was, I felt it. I wasn't physically attracted to Jack, (I mean he wasn't ugly, but I didn't swing that way), but I still did love him. Without him I felt, well, empty. I guess I'd always felt pretty empty, but he was the one to beat up anyone who called me a homo, and now he wouldn't even associate with one.
It was baffling to me how Mr. Uden could just snap. He never used to resent me, why should he now?
“Hey, can I come in?” my mother's voice rung like an annoying grandfather clock. Without my consent, my mother barged in rudely and flopped down on my bed. I glared at her, giving her the strongest death glare I ever had. Why would she be here? Why would she think she was invited to come in my territory? The only thing I had left, my only sanctuary, and now it must be burned. “Jack's mother called today,” she said. For once, I actually wanted to hear what my mother had to say. She sounded almost... Shy. Or scared. “Jack has been acting weird lately, different...”
“What?” I asked sitting upright. I felt my oak headboard design jab into my back mercilessly. I squirmed around trying to get comfortable, but even if my body was relaxed, I don't think my mind could handle this moment.
“Did you turn Jack 'gay'?” my mom asked me, as though she was scripted to say those exact lines. My jaw didn't drop, but one of my brows raised. Amusing. His parents actually thought my gay was rubbing off on him.
“There are two problems wrong with that theory,” I said through gritted, grinding teeth. “1. I like chicks. Don't you think I'd be talking good about girls, influencing him to like them more?” I waited for her to think about it. “2. Gay isn't contagious. You're born with it,” I explained and got up to go to the bathroom.
*
I sat in that bathroom all damn night, on the floor and just so confused. No one understood. His parents didn't know. If Jack was gay, which he wasn't, it would have had nothing to do with me. Nothing. His dad didn't need to beat the homophobia out of him, even if he was. He didn't have any problem with my sexuality until he thought Jack had caught the 'disease.' Jack's dad even made a pass at me, once or twice. So it was okay for me to be gay, as long as his son didn't become it. What a one-sided, biased, terrible mind. I was glad Mr. Uden's mind, was not mine.
I was confused.
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