Each Vibrant Memory

This time when I woke up, it was with an instant awareness of what had happened. I sat up too quickly and my head spun. I clutched at it, squeezing my eyes shut. When the blood in my head finally stopped pounding and my dizziness faded, I cautiously opened one eye, then the other, and surveyed my surroundings.

Chris was lying next to me on an adjacent bed, fast asleep but obviously in a much better condition than before. Heck, he even had a little color in his cheeks. Compared to then, he was positively rosy. I laughed in relief and brushed my fingers against his cheek. It was warm- another confirmation of his continued life. "It worked!"

"Of course it did." I turned toward the sound of Warren's voice and winced when I saw him rolling his neck and stretching his long limbs. He looked like he'd just waken up. It couldn't have been comfortable for him, not at all, to sleep in that cramped position. I could tell from the shadows under his eyes that it hadn't been a restful sleep. "But that doesn't make you any less of a fool for trying it. You could have died. For one long day, I thought you would. I don't think you realize what that would have done to me." I felt my heart flip with simultaneous pleasure and guilt. It never ceased to amaze me that, after all these years, he could still love me like that.

"I'm sorry," I said. "But I don't regret it. I didn't want to hurt you, and I hate that I put you through that, but what else could I have done, watched him die? Warren, he's my oldest friend. Here, he's my brother. My twin brother. I can't bear the idea of being without him." Despite the fact that I knew I had done no wrong, I still couldn't quite look him in the eye.

"I know."

I nodded. "Has he woken up yet?"

"Yes, and he was just as mad at you as I was." I grinned. If he had been able to regain consciousness, it was a great sign. It meant that the threat was over. It meant that he would live. I looked at Chris again, taking in the slope of his nose, the long lashes I'd always secretly wanted to apply mascara to, just to see the effect… And I knew that the risk had been worth it.

"Hold on. I'm not done yelling at you yet," Warren said. "You could have died!" he repeated. "You couldn't even walk on your own, and you went and spent that much energy on him? Do you know what happens when you combine blood?"

"No. And neither do you, or you would have known about that solution without me having to come up with it."

Warren looked vaguely annoyed, but he pressed his point. "I spoke with the leader of another tribe in Maryland and learned that it's combining… energy. Or, not energy. Essence, I suppose you could call it. You gave so much of yourself to him, to save him, that you nearly didn't have enough left for yourself."

"But I did, so it's no big deal." Warren groaned in frustration. I was suddenly exhausted, like even this one measly argument had worn me down. I felt drained. I lay back down and, just before I drifted to sleep, felt Warren's touch on my cheek, the lightest caress, letting me know that he understood why I'd acted as I did and that he was glad I was doing better.

The next time I woke up, it was because Chris was urgently shaking my shoulders. "Lydia! Lydia, come on!"

"What?" I grumbled. "What could possibly be so important that you had to wake me up? I was cozy." I yawned and flexed a little. I was sore and stiff all over, like I hadn't moved in a very long time.

"You're a moron."

"Why is everyone attacking me today? And where are my thanks?"

Chris had the grace to look a little sheepish before a mask of anger came over him. "You could have died, Lydia! What were you thinking? Do you know what that would have done to Warren? Or what it would have done to me if I'd survived and you didn't?"

"Please. He and I already had this talk. Save yourself a lecture and just be happy, okay? Everything worked out."

"Well, not everything," Chris said quietly. "You know, I wasn't the only one hurt."

"Who?" I asked, clutching at my blankets. I might not be very close to these people in this lifetime yet, but they had been my friends for an extraordinarily long time. I cared about all of them.

"Dalton. He didn't make it. He dove in front of Hans, trying to save him. Hans was too busy protecting Penelope to be worried about his own skin. And Penelope was just trying to escape."

"So it's my fault then." A profound sadness settled over me, pressing down on my chest and filling my lungs. I pictured his laughing face, now and in other lifetimes. "But he'll be okay, right?"

"No, Lydia. He's gone. I just told you that." Chris' voice was rough with unshed tears. His hand blindly reached for mine and I clung.

"But he'll be reincarnated next time like nothing ever happened. Right?" I felt a foreboding tingling at the base of my spine that contradicted my hopeful words before Chris could.

"No, Lydia. He's gone and he's not coming back. Don't you remember? If one of us dies before he's found his talisman, he's done."

"No. What kind of talisman?" I sifted through my memories, looking desperately for something, anything, similar to this. "Is that why Penelope's alone? Because when Lance died last cycle, he didn't have one?"

Tears leaked out of Chris' eyes and he nodded. "Yeah. That's why."

"But what is it? Do we all have one?"

"Yes. It's not always an object, though. In fact, it nearly never is. Yours is Warren, and that's how it is for most people. Penelope was lucky- or unlucky. She has this amulet that she's picked up almost by accident every lifetime, and apparently that was enough to bring her back. She still hasn't found it yet, which is why Hans is so protective. He won't know what to do with himself if she dies. He's been too long consumed by guilt. It's all he lives for now."

"Living for guilt," I mused. That was an interesting concept. I shuddered. "Dalton…" Chris nodded. It was hard to believe, that I wouldn't be seeing him again. When you've known someone for so long, it begins to feel like a given, like something you can just count on.

But what can you count on, really? Nothing. Love?

My thoughts flashed back to Warren. I could count on him. And Chris, though that was a different kind of love. "Where is he? Where's Warren?" Chris grimaced.

"He went to get revenge, along with the rest of the pack." My heart sank. If there was one thing that remained very clear in my memory, it was that the pack was here only to protect the innocent, not to punish the guilty. And when they crossed that lines, things turned catastrophic.