Beautiful Tragedy

You better not be fucking with me... you better not be fucking with me.... better not be fucking with me.... fucking with me....

The words kept circling around in my head, driving me crazy. I'd only known him for a day, but even then only a few hours. And really, I didn't even know him. Yet I feel like it's been weeks, months, even years. What was I doing? I didn't even know.

All I wanted was to know about his past, what gave him that fake hand, what ruined his beauty. All I wanted was to see past the sad eyes and the hard shell he'd wrapped around himself. All I wanted was to prove those rumors wrong and find Niko's true story. All I wanted was to know him.

And then he'd gone and asked the question. The one question I've been battling for years. Battled against myself, battled against my family, battled against my friends. I don't even know why I battled it, maybe it was because I denied the answer to that question. I don't want to be it, but I am it.

Gay. Homosexual. Faggot. Freak. Fuck up. Disappointment. Disgrace.

All these words to describe one thing. Yet when it was him saying it... I felt no heart clench or stomach twist. My mind didn't scream back at me in defiance. I was okay with it, I really was.

I didn't know how to respond to his last comment... I didn't want to fuck with him, that wasn't what I was doing. I most certainly wasn't under a bet or a dare. I didn't want to do the literal of that phrase either. Okay, maybe a little, but that part comes way later.

I wondered what had caused him to snap up like that, to say something like that when the conversation had been going so smoothly. Was it something I'd said? Or was it something he'd assumed? I didn't know... but I'm not going to let it stop me. Niko is too special, too... intriguing for me to let go of him now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

While I had much rather spent my night thinking and analyzing what I had observed about Niko already, I had baseball practice. It started right after school until seven o'clock, then I had to eat dinner and complete my chores and homework, hitting the sack round eleven that night. Which was okay, I guess. It wasn't like I had so many days to finish my goal with Niko. I had until Senior year was over and that was nine whole months. Today was only the first day and see how far I've gotten.... okay, so I haven't gotten that far, but at least he talked to me, right? That's something.

I turned over in my bed, lying on my back and looking up at the ceiling. I still had a few of those cheap, glow in the dark stars from when I was a kid. There used to be a whole universe up there, with the planets and everything, but over the years they fell off. The last few remaining stars I was too lazy to remove and besides, they were nice to look at when I had long nights like these. I knew I wasn't going to sleep much, because I'd be thinking about everything that had happened today.

I wondered if maybe the people I hung out with bothered Niko. I wasn't around the kindest of people at the moment. It wasn't that I chose to be with them either. It was more like the moment they realized I was on their baseball team, they sucked me into their group and immediately made me their best friend forever or something.

I bit my lip.That's probably it. It's the people I'm hanging around with. They probably caused a lot of problems for Niko, so he's wary of them, which also means he'd be wary of me. I didn't like that, but there wasn't much I could do about it, other than remove myself from their lunch table. I couldn't not be around them, I am a part of a team. But it doesn't mean they have to suffocate me.

My thoughts turned back to Niko's face, how beautiful it was. His skin was just so flawless and smooth, except of course for the scars all along the left side. They covered his cheek and jaw, running down his neck in a spiderweb-ish, kind of like broken glass way. And then there was his hand. He was wearing long sleeves, but I could tell that the metal stopped at his elbow. Yet really, his flaws weren't the thing that intrigued me the most. It was his eyes, that gorgeous, never could be copied, icy blue. They were my window to his mind, his soul, his everything and they were locked. How could something be so clear, yet so dark and out of reach?

I turned again, onto my side and running my fingers along my black sheets, thinking of caressing Niko's face, feeling his soft skin beneath my touch. I thought about running them along the ragged, ruined skin of his scars for as far as they go, touching the cool metal of his hand. I want to know what it's like to feel those flaws, those tragedies. I want to touch the beauty named Niko.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning I made sure to dress in the best outfit I had. Jeans that were tight and form fitting, but not too tight. A black tee shirt with a white button up over top. I left the first three undone and styled my hair so that it stuck up in spots and looked more unruly than it usually is. Checking the mirror one last time and fixing a strand of hair, I bolted down the steps and out to my car without eating breakfast. I was too eager to start the day, to see Niko and talk to him and... well, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, but I was excited. Almost giddy. Okay, totally giddy, but I didn't care.

When I was parked, I turned off my car and walked into the school, heading to my locker and straight to class. I hated Math, it sucked serious butt, but I was good at it. I usually get an A or B+ in the class, which is good considering I want to get the hell out of this town.

The class went quickly and so did the other three. I didn't have any of them with Niko, which was okay I guess. I had lunch and French, it was all I needed at the moment. At lunch, I originally sat with the guys from my baseball team, but I gave the excuse of tormenting Niko to go sit next to him. I dumped my tray on the way and slowly slid into the seat opposite him.

He looked up at me warily, glancing over my shoulder at the jocks table. He bit his lip and met my gaze again, folding his arms.

"Hey," I greeted in a quiet voice, hopefully sounding more confident than I actually felt. I was so nervous my stomach fluttered with butterflies, making me almost feel sick.

"Hi," he whispered, looking down at his tray. It had a salad and a banana, but none of it was eaten. It didn't even look touched.

"How are you?"

He raised his brow at this and lifted his head again, giving me a quizzical look. "I'm fine. How are you?" The way he said it sounded like he was testing me.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Good - Great, um...," I scratched the back of my head. "I -"

"You don't have to pretend," He muttered, cutting me off once again. "I know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" I asked, totally confused.

"You're here to mess with me, Echo. I know you are. So don't even bother with the nice guy act. Just get the fuck away from me."

"No, I'm not. I promise Niko, I'm not."

"I heard you talk to them!" He shouted at me in a hiss. It hadn't been loud enough for anyone else to hear, but me. Yet it made me jump. His eyes gleamed with rage and confusion.

"It was an excuse," I explained. "They're on my baseball team, I have to make peace with them. It's not that I want to be their friend, Niko."

He bit his lip as he contemplated this. "I still don't trust you."

"That's fine with me. I'll earn your trust eventually."

His eyes narrowed. "So, you think."

I smiled at him crookedly. "I will. I promise you."

He humphed at me and stabbed his salad viciously with his fork before stuffing it inside his mouth. I chuckled at his behavior, noticing the notebook beside his tray. I reached for it, but his metal hand slammed down. I yanked my hand back in shock.

"Don't," he growled, snatching the notebook away.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, looking down shamefully at my hands. I'm so screwing this up.

A sigh escaped his beautiful lips. "You shouldn't be. I'm being a jerk."

"You have a reason to be."

"But you haven't given me a reason to be rude to you."

I shrugged and looked up at him. "But how were you supposed to know I'd be any different from any other person?"

"I still don't."

"And again, that's okay, because I'll prove myself."

This time he met my eyes and smiled, genuinely smiled at me. His irises sparkled and I felt myself get lost in them, but really didn't care.