You Drain The Life From Me.

I don't want to know.

I don't need to know.

That's what I kept telling myself when Garrett kept disappearing.

Everything's fine.

He loves you.

No, nothing's wrong. Except my boyfriend is never around anymore.

I rolled over face down in bed, kicking away the thin sheets. Another sleepless night, waiting for Garrett to call. Another night of endless patience, another night of stinging eyes and millions of yawns, another night of 80's movie reruns. The last thing I remembered looking at was my phone, which was still clutched in my hand, and by the time I had knocked out, it was four in the morning.

Looking at my phone again, I found it to be about noon. My legs dropped to the ground and I stood, hoping in vain that he would be around.

I didn't know if he even knew what day it was today.

John was awake. I could hear him messing around on the guitar in his room. That boy was never an early riser, but lately, he had been waking up earlier than me. Or maybe I was just waking up later than him.

Passing by the hallway mirror made me cringe as I caught sight of the ugly bags under my eyes and the tangles of hair sticking up from my head.

"Sleeping beauty awakens!" said Ross, chuckling as I walked into the kitchen.

"Jeez, what happened to you?" asked Shane.

Ross nudged Shane in the arm, wordlessly telling him not to ask about why I looked the way I did. I looked like Effy fucking Stonem for crying out loud.

"Uhm, what are we having for break--I mean, lunch?"

"I dunno," replied Shane, "I'm going to the park and Ross is going over to the library to find books for this research paper he's doing. John's going over to Pat's to practice later."

"Don't they have a show today?"

"Yeah, actually. You going?" Ross asked, as if he didn't know the answer.

"Uhm, I'm probably gonna skip out on this one."

"Alright, well, just make sure you tell John. Bye, sis," Ross said before giving me a hug and making his way out the door.

"Listen, I gotta go. The guys are waiting. Bye Leigh, feel better!" Shane said, already halfway out the door.

I sighed. Alone once more.

Checking my phone not one, but two more times in five minutes, I decided to find something to eat. As I turned on the stove to make grilled cheese, John's footsteps came pounding down the stairs.

"Where'd everyone go?"

"Shane is at the park, Ross is at the library, and mom and dad are at some family party that they told us about last night."

"Kid, are you up for the show tonight?"

"I actually don't think that's a good idea, John."

He noted the frown on my face and took on one of his own, angry at Garrett for making me unhappy again.

"He still hasn't called you?" The frustration in his voice was palpable.

I didn't answer and just concentrated on making a warm, edible grilled cheese sandwich.

"Hey, Leigh, seriously. What's going on? Did anything happen?"

"Not that I know of."

"Don't tell me you're ignoring him because of that stupid comment."

"John, I'm over that. I'm telling you, I didn't do shit. I actually thought we were oh-fucking-kay. I thought we were over that whole issue. We worked it out."

I took the spatula and lifted the sandwich from the pan, setting it on a plate.

"Want a sandwich?"

"Sure."

There was silence until John finally started his questioning again.

His voice suddenly got softer. Not in a sympathetic tone, but in an older brother tone.

"Leigh, are you okay? That's the most important thing for me to know."

I looked at him like he was mental. "Do I look okay?"

"No, you look like Effy Stonem on a bad day."

I laughed. "That's what I thought when I saw myself in the mirror."

"I'm sure there's an explanation for this whole thing."

"If there was an explanation, I'm pretty sure he would've explained by now. It's been a week. It's been a week since I've heard his voice or seen his face or hugged him or kissed him."

"But--"

I cut him off. "Let's see," I carried on, grabbing my phone. "In the past week, I've sent him thirty texts messages. No shame. And in the past week, Garrett has texted me back twice. That's what I call commitment."

I wasn't going to cry in front of John, because everything was fine. Nothing was going wrong. Me and Garrett were still running smoothly as a couple.

"Everything's fine, John. I promise."

"Bullshit."

"So what if everything's not fine? There's nothing I can do about it," I shot back, sitting at the dining table with our sandwiches.

"Come with me to practice then," John pleaded.

"Stop talking with your mouth full."

"Please? The guys will be there too. I know for sure they'll make you laugh at least once."

"Yeah, they will, but one person won't."

"So ignore him. Give him a punch of pain in the ass karma, Leigh."

"That was a really cheesy motivational speech, John Ohh. Pain in the ass karma?"

"Shut up. See? You're already smiling."

I contemplated.

One. If I went, I would see Garrett. Bad.

Two. If I went, I would see the boys. Good.

Three. If I went, I would have to confront Garrett. Bad.

The cons outweighed the pros.

But I decided to go anyway.

Why?

Because I, Leigh O'Callaghan, am a dumbass.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Leigh!" yelled Pat.

"Hi Pattycakes, I missed you," I replied warmly.

"Where have you been?"

"You know, around."

"I haven't really seen Garrett either, not since our last practice," he wondered aloud.

This took me by surprise. "Really?"

He took on a look of surprise as well. "You haven't seen him?"

"No," I answered quietly.

Before he could comment, Jared walked in and smiled, "Leigh Leigh!"

"Jare Jare," I said in the happiest voice I could manage.

"I'm glad you could come today! We haven't seen you in a while."

Leave it to Jared to always be jolly.

"Yeah, well--"

"Leigh!" exclaimed Kennedy.

"Hey, buddy. No Camden today?" Camden was Kennedy's girlfriend. Quite frankly, she scared me a little, but I was sure that in time, we would be fine.

He shook his head right as John said, "How come I don't get any love?!"

The door opened and I braced myself for the final member of the band, but instead, I got Lauren.

"Leigh, I heard you were here and I really have to tell you that I'm angry at you. Where were you?"

"Uhm, you know, in my room. Doing stuff. Important stuff."

"If you call watching '80s movies and eating obsessively important stuff..." John muttered. I elbowed him in the gut and plastered a smile on my face, praying no one heard him.

Lauren raised an eyebrow and dragged me over to Pat's couch. "So, who are we missing?"

"Garrett."

The door burst open and a skinny body flew in, clad in Star Wars board shorts and a Wilco shirt.

"I'm here!" he yelled to no one in particular. Only when he landed safely did he look up.

"L-Leigh, h-hey," Garrett stuttered.

"Hi," I whispered so softly it felt as if I was mouthing the words.

One. I wanted him to say sorry for not calling back. I wanted him to explain himself.

Two. I wanted him to say he would never do it again. 

Three. I wanted him to open up his arms so I could crash into them and I wanted him to never let go.

Three seconds of avoiding eye contact got us nowhere, because he didn't say shit. He just turned around and set up his bass.

The awkwardness and tension was palpable. No one knew what was going on between us, especially me.

The boys showed me a new song called If I Only Had The Heart, and I loved it. They said they were getting ready to try and record an EP, and my eyes bulged out of my head with surprise.

"How are you gonna do it?!" Lauren and I asked at the same time.

"We heard there was gonna be some reps at some of the shows from all kinds of labels, so all we can do is hope," replied John.

I could hear how proud he was of this band. John, who didn't even know he could sing beforehand, was so passionate about what he had found. And I wanted to be there with him, supporting him every step of the way.

"I know you guys can do this," I replied, grinning.

"So is little Leigh coming to the show tonight?" questioned Kennedy.

"Uhm, I was actually gonna skip out on this one, I'm just really not up for it and I have so much to do and--"

I ignored the sigh of relief that came from Garrett and declared myself delusional for even thinking he would do something like that.

"Oh, please. It's Saturday! You have all of tomorrow to do whatever you have to do," Jared said somewhat convincingly.

"Guys, if she doesn't want to, then let her be," Garrett huffed.

Everyone looked at him incredulously, not believing what they had just heard. Usually, he would be the first one saying I should come. He would try his hardest to make me go.

But I just sat there, holding back tears, instead letting out a sigh. I wanted to run away. I knew when I wasn't wanted and this was obviously one of those times.

But now I wanted to get under his skin. If he didn't want me there, then I would be there.

"You know? You're right, Jared. All that crap can wait for tomorrow. I want to see you guys play. I'll be there for sure."

And I would bring a guy.