You Drain The Life From Me.

Before anyone other than John knew, I had to tell Stephen and Garrett. As I far as I was concerned, they were the only people who needed to know.

I sat in my room while The Dangerous Summer played on my stereo. Looking For Alaska by John Green sat open, face down in front of me. Pulling out my phone, my thumb pressed the button that had an envelope on it. A new message opened and I typed his name in, asking him to meet me in ten.

I closed my book and turned off my stereo. I took my bike out of the backyard and pedaled off.



My butt was starting to burn as I sat on the hot bench. It was around 102 degrees. I really hated Arizona summers sometimes. I was starting to get impatient and pulled out my phone. It had been well past twenty minutes. He said he would be here in ten. Where was he?

Twenty-five minutes.

Thirty.

Thirty-five.

He was no where in sight. I stood up, brushing the dirt off my backside. I slid on my shades and got back on my bike. But then I saw him. He walked through the gate with two Slurpees in tow.

"I'm really sorry that I'm late."

I didn't ask why he was over twenty minutes late. I was just ecstatic that he came. Just like he promised.

"I got you your favorite."

"How did you even know that this flavor was my favorite? We've only been to Seven Eleven like three times together."

"You got the same flavor every time."

I chuckled and got off my bike, taking off my shades and walking back over to the bench on the dugout.

"It was funny because when you texted me, I didn't even have to ask where. I knew you meant that you would be here."

"That's how we were before all this happened," I commented after taking a long and refreshing sip of my Slurpee.

"Remember that one summer when we'd come here every day right after dinner and play baseball?"

"Like the fucking Sandlot," I added with a nod.

After a few minutes of nothing but the sounds of slurped and quiet breathing, I nudged his shoulder with mine.

"So, I'm Stephen's girlfriend now."

He flinched. "How's that going?"

I sighed. "Uncomfortable. I mean, because of what happened. I just...never mind. But I want to love him so bad. I can't."

He shook his head. "You should. I realized he would have way less of a chance of hurting you than me. It's like a never ending cycle with us."

"How are you and Rachael doing?"

"We uh, we're not. We're not doing. We...I um, ended it. After that one night. I couldn't be with her after that. I loved it, and you, way too much. Her? Not so much. It wasn't the same as being with you."

My heart ached to be with him even more. "I wish I could still be with you."

"I wish that I never did what I did. If I didn't, I would still have you. Things would be how they should be."

I cleared my throat and got ready to tell him what I came to tell him. "So, I...I um..." I choked on the words that wouldn't come out and it felt as if I couldn't function properly. It felt like I couldn't tell him."

"You what?" he asked patiently.

I could feel my hands shaking and my bottom lip trembling. I took a deep breath. What if he reacted negatively? What if he blamed me for not being safe? What if he got angry that I wasn't careful?

He would never do those things. I knew him inside and out. Garrett would be understanding and helpful. Maybe a bit angry, but hopefully not at me.

"I think I'm pregnant," I whispered.

"What?" he asked softly. He didn't hear me.

"I think I'm pregnant," I repeated a bit louder.

It was like he had stopped breathing and his eyes couldn't possibly get wider. Now his hands were shaking and his jaw had dropped to the floor.

I bit my lip nervously and took his hand in mine. "Gare?"

"Do you know if you are? I mean, have you gone to the doctor yet? Do your parents know? God, what if our parents find out I fucking got you pregnant? What if Stephen finds out? What if John finds out? What if fucking everyone found out? We are in such deep shit, Leigh, I swear I will get killed. If not by John, then someone in the band, or your dad, or mine, or Shane, or Ross, or--"

I tightened my grip around his hand and shook my head. I kept shaking my head until he stopped shaking and shut up. Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks and I bit my lip.

"Garrett. Please calm down, please, Garrett. John already knows."

"Oh God, I have to change my name and dye my hair and move to Greenland or something and become and get a job as an elephant babysitter or whatever those people are called."

Yes, Garrett was being 100% serious.

"It might not be yours," I whispered again.

"It what?"

"The baby might not be yours."

"What the fuck do you mean by that, Leigh? How could the baby not be mine? You haven't fucked anyone else. You haven't...right?"

I looked away and the tears came faster and harder. I kept shaking my head and he knew.

"You had sex with Stephen didn't you? That night you got drunk? You fucked Stephen Gomez?"

I shook his hand from mine and looked at me with disappointment and disgust. "Before or after me?"

"Before."

"How could you not tell me?"

"Well sorry that you had a girlfriend! Sorry that you avoided me and made me angry! Sorry that I got drunk because you upset me."

I started to get up and for a second, he didn't do anything to stop me.

Just as I was about to get on my bike, discarding my Slurpee cup, he stood and I stopped.

"I'm sorry. Come here."

I propped my bike up onto the side of the wall and walked towards Garrett. He wrapped his arms around me and mumbled, "It's just a lot to take in. I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm not mad at you."

We sat back down and he looked like he was making one of the biggest decisions of his life.

"When you find out whose it is, will you tell me?"

I nodded without hesitation or thought.

"And...even if it is..."

He cleared his throat and water pooled around his eyes, which were starting to get red.

"Just...just tell Stephen it's his. You're better off. But no matter what, I'll always be there for you."

"What?! I'm not going to lie to Stephen about a fucking baby, Garrett. I'm not going to do that."

"What you're going to do is tell him it's his. This is what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"It's what I thought was best. It's not what I want."

"It is what's best. And I love you, and I think you deserve the best. The best isn't me. Don't tell Stephen until after you know you're truly pregnant. Okay?"

I shook my head, and he gave me time to think it over. If I did what he said, I would be making an unspoken commitment to Stephen that I wouldn't be able to handle, but this was what I needed to be able to fall in love with Stephen. This was going to be the reason I would stay with Stephen. And if it was Stephen's, then I would need to do all those things anyway. So either way, it would end up with the same ending. At least, that's what I told myself.

"I'll do it."

"No matter whose baby it is, I'll always be here for you, okay?" He sealed his promise with a kiss and we both went our separate ways.