You Drain The Life From Me.

The four guys, my brothers, and my parents all stood in the living room, and not one eye in the room was dry. Not even Ross wasn't getting emotional, the same boy who claimed to be "macho" and "hard as a rock." But I knew that boy had some emotion in him. You couldn't be emotional and an O'Callaghan at the same time. It just wasn't possible. That fact was proven through how my mother was an frequent crier, my dad was a sincere hugger, John was an incredible songwriter, Ross was a closeted romantic, I was overdramatic, and Shane got easily attached. It was just how we were.

It was like I was going off to college. In a sense, I kind of was. I was leaving home to live with my boyfriend - fact I still hadn't gotten used to - and I was the first one in the family to leave home. "It's funny how I'm not the oldest, but I'm the first one to be let go," I chuckled. John shot me a playful glare. He didn't want to move out because he knew there would be no point in getting a house if he was going to tour all the time. And we all believed that he would be touring, and that he would be going on multiple tours, big and small. We all believed in him.

"Oh, hush, you're only going to be a couple blocks away," said my dad. Our apartment was awfully close. I didn't know if it was because it was a coincedence, or if Stephen knew that I didn't want to be too far from home. Garrett wasn't the only one who knew how nervous I was to be away from my family and friends.

"And," my mom added, "You'll be home every Sunday for dinner, correct?" I nodded with a smile.

"You'll be at every show, and every party at 8123, won't you?" Pat and Kennedy asked.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss those things for the world."

"And you'll come over to make me grilled cheese, right?" Shane asked hopefully. I stuck out my pinky and wrapped it around his.

"And you have to play cornhole with us. You're the master!" said Jared. We high fived.

"You'll be here for every holiday?" asked Ross.

"Well, Stephen and I are alternating. I'll be here for every other holiday. But for the ones I won't be here for, I'll make sure to be here for the days after."

John and Garrett were being much too quiet for my tastes. "John?"

It was going to be hard to seperate from John. I knew that from the moment I told him I was going to leave. Even though I was close to Ross and Shane, John and I had always been the closest to each other. Garrett was my best friend, but so was John. I told John everything. Every single thing that ran through my mind. Well, not every single thing, but most things. He was the first to know I was pregnant, he was one of the first to know I had lost my virginity. He was there for me through everything. He helped me when Garrett first broke my heart, and he helped me every time after that. He helped me when I found out I was carrying a baby. He helped me get over every fight that Garrett and I had. John was almost like my other, other half. My true other half was Garrett, but John was my saving grace. He was my backbone. It was going to be hard not waking up to his music playing extremely loud like when we were younger, or his hungover snores. It was going to be hard not to be able to walk right across the hall into his room and talk to him about my day. It was going to be hard not to have someone to hug me and kiss my forehead and call me baby sister.

So my tears came when it was John's turn to speak.

"I'll miss you, baby sister, I'll miss you like hell. And I know you'll be fine out there, because you're a fighter, but don't ever hesitate to come back and talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I'll always be here for you, Leigh. I need you to understand that. I love you. I don't say it enough. I love you, sis. One day, I'm gonna walk into your room, and I'm gonna see how empty it is, and I'm gonna realize that you're growing up. You're growing up so fast, Leigh. It's been fun. It's been fun watching you grow up. It's been fun knowing that there was always someone to trust, who would give me honest critisicm about anything I did. It's been fun protecting you from everything. It's been fun to always count on you to be at a show. You're my number one fan. And it's time to let you go."

I attacked him with a hug and soaked his shirt with my tears. And he thought I didn't see it because he wiped it away as quickly as he could, but I saw the tear roll down his cheek. "I'll see you around, sweetheart."



Even though all the guys had packed the stuff, they put Garrett up to the task of driving me to the apartment and unloading everything. It might not have been the wisest decision, as Garrett was probably the last person on Earth who wanted me to leave (other than Shane), but it was the most fair. They figured that if Garrett wasn't around to load up, he should be the one to take everything out. It made sense, so Garrett obliged.

Garrett was the one person I never had to fight over radio control with. Since we had such similar music taste, we never bickered about which CD to play or which radio station to switch to. It was awkward, but the music filled the silence as he made the short drive from my house to the apartment. I recognized the music on the CD that was playing, and I realized that this was one of the mixes I had made him a couple months ago.

"You still have this?" I asked in shock.

"Of course," he replied, "It's one of my favorite mixes. I think it's the one that's called, 'This is Good Music, I Swear.'"

We both chuckled. Despite his sudden outburst at me a few hours ago, he was calm, and so was I. It was all resolved with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. If only everything could be solved that way. We sang along to Island by The Starting Line, and I remembered how this used to be our favorite song to sing together. I guess he remembered the same thing, because he suddenly laughed and said, "I remember when we would stand in the community pool and sing this, and one time we actually drew a map of our island and planned how everything would go."

"Oh god, how do you remember all of that stuff, Gare?"

"I know you remember it too," he said with a warm smile.

"Of course I do, but I'm just wondering how you can remember something like that but you couldn't remember the Spanish vocabulary words in third period."

"I only remember the important stuff, Leigh. And I think memories like that are pretty damn important."

I nodded. "They're what my life is made up of. Without you, or the guys, I wouldn't be who I am right now."

Before he could respond, I realized that we were at the apartment complex and he parked right by where my apartment was. Luckily, we didn't have to climb up any stairs to get there. But unfortunately, we didn't get there before Stephen did and he and his brother John were already unloading stuff from their trailer.

Garrett thought I didn't hear, but he mumbled, "Oh great. The fucking chipmunk."

I jogged over to Stephen before he grabbed one more box and I pressed my lips to his cheek. He turned around, surprised. "Hi, baby! I didn't know you were coming."

"Yup, Garrett and I just got here."

"G-Garrett?"

I nodded. Stephen was still trying to get used to the fact that Garrett and I decided to take one more try at our friendship. He didn't approve, but quite frankly, I didn't care. Garrett was good for me, whether he liked it or not.

"Alright then. Um, just dump all your stuff wherever. I don't have that many boxes, but knowing you, you might have more than a few."

I giggled at his correct assumption and said hi to John before walking back over to Garrett.

"I can help with the light boxes!" I told him.

He shook his head vigorously. "There's no way I'm letting you carry any of this. You might hurt yourself, which I know you probably will, and you're already carrying a baby. I think that's more than enough to handle."

"Thanks Gary."

He was one of the most thoughtful boys I had ever met in my life, and that hadn't changed at all in the ten years we had known each other. I walked inside the apartment and took it in. I had already seen it the week before while apartment hunting with Stephen, but now that I knew I was actually going to live here, I started to imagine what went where and how it was going to look when Stephen and I settled down. I squealed in delight just as Stephen set down a box.

"Excited?" he asked me with a grin.

"You know it, chipmunk."

He wrapped his arms around my middle and his lips met mine. I smiled into the kiss and deepened it, but we broke apart when the door opened and Garrett stepped in. His brows were furrowed and he looked awfully troubled, but not because he was lifting a heavy box. I knew it wasn't heavy because it was labeled 'Leigh's Stuffed Animals,' and none of my stuffed animals were heavy. He looked troubled because he had walked in on Stephen and I kissing, and that wasn't ever a pleasant thing to see for him. A blush immediately adorned my cheeks and Stephen let go of me, clearing his throat and walking out the door to grab another box.

"Garrett I-"

"Save it. You don't have to make any excuses. He's your boyfriend, I get it."

He left without letting me respond.



Stephen and John were inside, as I had asked them to let me have a moment alone with Garrett. He and I hadn't said goodbye at my house, knowing that we would get a chance to do so at the apartment anyway. And plus, I didn't want to say certain things around my friends and family, things that were meant for only Garrett and me.

"So," Garrett sputtered.

"This is the end," I sighed.

"Don't say that. It's not true. It's not like you're moving to another state."

"I might as well be, you know? Everything's gonna be so different from now on."

"But we'll still be friends, no matter what. And through everything, I'm going to be here for you."

All of a sudden, I was wrapped in his arms and I felt water roll down my cheeks.

"I never should have stopped being friends with you. You're the best friend I've ever had. And even though you've broken my heart - multiple times - it doesn't matter. You're my other half, you know? I don't think I would have survived school without you. I mean, John's just as big a part of me as you are, but he's always been older. He's always gone through things before me, and when it was my turn to go through them, he didn't really understand. You've been with me through everything, Garrett. I love you. It might not be the kind of love that I want it to be, but it's love nonetheless. Am I making sense? I don't even know anymore. I've already told you, it'll always be you. No matter who's baby it is, no matter who I'll end up marrying, you'll always be my first love. And I won't ever forget you. You were my first kiss, my first middle school dance date, my first boyfriend, my first best friend, my everything. You're my light. You're my wonderwall. You're my way home. You are home."

"I’m going to miss you so much and I was going to say you have no idea, but the truth is, you do have an idea, ‘cause we both love each other more than anything on this earth. I know it’s hard to say goodbye, but it’s not goodbye, it’s just see you later. I think everything is happening right now because we both have so much going on in our lives, that we can go a while without seeing each other, and the love we had when we left will be there still and even more. I can never see myself with anyone else, ever."

"I'm sorry it had to happen this way," I mumbled, before the tears came harder and soon, I found that I didn't want to let go, but there was a new life waiting for me and I had to. But I didn't. I didn't let go as the wind blew and I didn't let go as the birds chirped. I didn't let go as the cars passed and the trees' leaves rustled. He just held me tight and placed kisses on my forehead. We both cried, because we knew that as much as it wasn't goodbye, it was. Things were changing for us. Never in my life did I think I would see the day when I had to seperate from Garrett Daniel Nickelsen, my best friend, my Jedi master, my zombie king, my dinosaur tamer, my whole world. He and I would both be around, but never together as a whole. There would always be something stopping us.

I loved this boy man. He was growing up too. Pretty soon, he would be seeing the world and meeting new people and doing what he did best. He would be strumming that bass like his life depended on it, and it did. Without that bass, he wouldn't be Garrett. And I would make sure to always support him. I believed in him.

And he knew that pretty soon, I would be maturing and he would come visit me to see me with a baby in my arms and I would have a wonderful job, and a loving husband. I would have a lovely house and a nice life. And we would know that there would be things that we would regret, but who didn't have regrets? At the end of the day, everyone is disappointed in some way, but we all have to realize that everything works out in the end, and everything would be okay, as long as you took what life gave you and turned it into something great. Garrett and I were going to do that to the best of our abilities.

So like he said, this wasn't goodbye, it was see you later. I would most definitely be seeing him later.