You Drain The Life From Me.

"I need you to prove it to me, Leigh, because I can't deal with this anymore. Every day, I just get more and more lost knowing that there's a possibility that I'll lose what I had with you. You were my first love. I'm not going to fucking lose my first love to some guy."

"You haven't lost me!"

"I feel like I have!"

"Well, you haven't," I countered before turning away, trying to avoid any more of the conversation.

"The only reason you're still with him is that you think the baby might be his."

I turned around, ready to prove him wrong. "That's not true. I love Stephen."

He cringed at my words. "You don't. You love me."

"I do love you Garrett, but Stephen, he..." I trailed off, at a loss for words. What was Stephen?

"All he is for you is sex."

"That's not fucking true!"

"Then why are you still with him? If you still loved me, you would leave him. You wouldn't have listened to me that day at the dugout. I'm really starting to believe you don't love me anymore, Leigh."

"Garrett, I-"

He held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, I get it, you don't love me."

I swear I could feel my heart break from the expression he was giving me at that moment. It was like he was hurt and torn and...and empty. Like he couldn't function anymore. It was like I had ripped his heart out from his chest and that he felt like he couldn't do anything about it anymore. He was hopeless and broken.

In the ten or eleven years I had known this boy, I had never seen him like that. Never.

He turned around and started to walk away. My feet were planted to the ground. I couldn't move. I was still in shock. Pat stood up, but Garrett waved his hand at him. He sat back down as Garrett walked out the door.

"Leigh, is Gare okay?" Pat sounded scared.

I knew Pat wanted to hug him and make sure he was okay, but he must have seen something in Garrett's eyes that made him reconsider his decision. I myself couldn't get my feet to take the steps necessary to comfort my best friend. I slammed the rag down on the counter and took a deep breath and ran for it, ignoring Pat's question. Once I was outside, Garrett was nowhere to be found. I knew he was heading for his car.

I knew that Garrett thought that if I really did love him, I would have done something to prove it. I would have kissed him, or hugged him, or even jumped into bed with him. But I couldn't. Because I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to let go. I would forget about Stephen, and I would become careless and I would forget about the baby. I would go backwards instead of growing up and Garrett would have everything that was me. He would have my heart, because I would be loving him so much that my heart would explode. He would have my head, because I would think of him every minute of every day. He would have me. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that feeling again, that feeling I didn't quite feel with Stephen. The feeling I felt when I was together with Garrett. The feeling that I enjoyed. I was afraid to be dropped by Garrett again. I was afraid that he would grow tired of me and forget about me and I would be left alone once more. That was how Garrett was, and that was why we were even in this mess in the first place. Garrett stopped loving me.

But then my mind flashed back to the expression on Garrett's face when I didn't deny that I didn't love him.

I couldn't take it. And I ran faster. I ran until I saw him standing in the parking lot, struggling with the lock on his car door. I saw him rub the back of his hand across his eyes and that's when I knew he was crying.

When Garrett turned ten years old, he had tripped on Pat's skateboard and he had broken his arm. That was the last time I had seen him cry. I never saw him cry over anything else ever again. Not when he broke up with his first girlfriend (unlike I did when I broke up with my first boyfriend), not when he got into major fights with his parents, not when he and I or any of the guys fought. Never. But seeing him cry now over me made me hate myself.

And I needed to apologize. Because for the first time, I was the one breaking his heart. And some would think I would take comfort in it, knowing I had shown him all the pain he had caused me. But it didn't. It hurt me just as much as it seemed to be hurting him. I needed to make up for breaking his heart. I needed him to be okay. Because best friends don't let each other cry, no matter what.

And the truth was, I needed Garrett Daniel Nickelsen more than I needed anything and anyone else.

"Garrett."

He turned and he sniffled, wiping away the tears pooling at his eyes.

"What?"

His response wasn't bitter, like I was expecting. It was soft and innocent. It was the same voice I had heard all those years ago on the first day of kindergarten. Shy, hesitant, scared.

"I love you."

He looked away.

"And I want to prove it to you."

My feet finally took steps. One. Two. Three.

Three steps and I was face to face away from the boy who had broken my heart a hundred times, but always picked it back up. The boy who I had my first beer with. The boy who I went to the first time John yelled at me. The boy who introduced me to Ryan Adams and Wilco and Neil Young. The boy who watched Back To The Future with me when no one else would. The boy that I loved.

In a wave of hurt, panic, and discomfort, I smashed my lips against his and I felt like everything made sense once more. Here I was, kissing Garrett. My first kiss. My first love. My best friend. And everything was forgotten. I forgot that he had cheated on me. I forgot all those times in high school (and part of middle school) when he broke my heart. I forgot about every time we fought over the Gamecube controllers and the TV remote and t-shirts and shoes and books and hats. I forgot that I had a boyfriend on tour somewhere, waiting for me to call him tonight. I forgot that I was pregnant. I forgot everything, just like I thought I would. And I didn't care, just like I knew I would.

And really, this was such a childish game of one step forward, two steps back. We always did this. We found other people, and we were always on the brink of moving on, but something always happened and we ran back to each other. It was ridiculous. Sometimes, it sickened me, but right now, I was happy just to be with him again.

"I'm never letting you go again, Leigh. Never. Never again."

"Please don't."

Once again, our lips pressed together and I was turned around so that my back pressed against his car and his hands went to my waist while mine went around his neck. I had missed this. Garrett's lips were soft and gentle while Stephen's were rough. Garrett knew that I didn't like being squeezed. And I knew that pulling at the tips of Garrett's hair drove him crazy. Garrett and I knew each other like the backs of our hands. And we knew more things about each other than we were actually aware of. Kissing Garrett was like falling back into a routine that I didn't mind repeating over and over again. It was like coming home from vacation.

"Should we really be doing this?" he whispered.

I smiled sadly. "It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Well yeah, but Ste-"

"Let's not talk about him, please?"

"Good idea."

"And we should probably take this inside."

"You mean-"

"Yeah."

"But what about Pat?"

"You know, I didn't think about that."

"Hey, let's um, let's go to my house. Trey's working today and my parents are on vacation."

I nodded and rushed to get into the car, lips still numb from kissing Garrett.

I pulled my phone out and made a call to the contact in my phone that said Phatty Patty.

"Leigh, are you okay? Y-you just ran out an-and I-"

"Pat, I'm fine. I just uh, I realized that I forgot the flour for the cookies and I had to run to the store to get them."

"Did you see Garrett? Is he okay? I heard you guys yelling at each other-"

"Yeah, Garrett's fine. I saw him. Um, I'll talk to you later, okay Patty?"

"Yeah. There's a Full House marathon on, so I'll be fine. Bye, Leigh!"

"Bye, Pattycakes."

Garrett chuckled nervously from the driver's seat. "Do you really think he bought that?"

"No, the kid's smart enough. Let's just hope he doesn't tell anyone."

He pulled up to a stoplight and I reached for the volume knob on his stereo, but instead, he grabbed my hand and pressed it to his lips.

"That has got to be the corniest thing I have ever seen you do, Nickelsen."

"But you like it."

"No..."

"Yes, you do."

"Shut up, the light's green."

A blush tinted my cheeks as he stepped on the pedal, but he never let go of my hand. And to be honest, I didn't want him to. Not at all.

"Imagine the day that people start calling you Mrs. Nickelsen," he mumbled, deep in thought.

"That's a long ways a way, Gare," I breathed.

"Well, maybe not. I mean, I could probably get down on one knee right now."

"But you're driving, asshat."

"Here I am, saying that I want to marry you, and you're calling me an asshat? Low blow, O'Callaghan, low blow."

"I wonder what color eyes our babies will have," I wondered aloud.

"I mean yeah, between your hazel eyes and my blue ones..."

"And what color hair..."

"What is up with you being so corny today, Garrett?"

"I just really love you. Is that bad?"

Yes. Yes, it was.

"I love you too."

At another stoplight, before I could say anything, he caught my lips in a kiss.

"Seriously, Garrett, stop. You're making my heart hurt."

"It's been about three months since I've been able to do that. I think I deserve it."

We pulled up to his house and practically ran through the door, up his stairs, into his room, and onto his bed. Immediately, our lips were molded.

"I missed you so much, Leigh."

It still amazed me how easily we could fall back into this routine.

And it never once crossed my mind that I was cheating on my boyfriend.

Soon enough, our clothes were off, and I giggled at how I sarcastically commented on his outfit earlier. "You really should dress better, Babynicko."

He groaned. "You sound like my mom! That is such a turn off."

"Oh hush."

"Next you're going to tell me to comb my hair and clean my room."

"Shut up."

"No."

I just rolled my eyes with a smile and kissed him. Then he definitely shut up.



"You know," he said after we were done, "Their van could crash."

"What are you talking about, baby?"

"Maybe the tour bus will get lost and they'll end up never coming home and living in a hippie community in Mexico."

I threw my head back and laughed, pressing my hands to his bare chest and shoving him lightly.

"You're hilarious," I shot back sarcastically.

"You love me."

"That is the most ridiculous-"

I started to giggle as I saw the glare he sent my way.

"Ridiculously truthful thing I've heard."

His glare turned into a grin as he pulled me into another kiss.

"We get to do this for a month."

"An entire month, Gare. Thank god."

"What happens when he gets back?"

I bit my lip, unsure. Once again, I pressed my hands onto his chest, but this time I didn't shove him. I just buried my head into the crook of his neck. "Let's just assume they end up in a hippie community, babe."

We heard the door slam downstairs and sat up immediately. "Garrett? Bro, you here?"

John.

"Pat said that you ran off for a little bit and he didn't know where you went, but we saw your car!" Jared.

"We gotta get to the party, dude!" Kennedy.

Were all three of them really here right now?

"Shit," he hissed. We jumped up and out of bed and I pulled on my clothes and he threw me a shirt from his dresser drawer. I used one of his combs to brush my hair and he did the same. I slipped my feet in the Vans I had on and Garrett chose to wear his black Converse.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of his room, making sure he grabbed his glasses as well. We ran down the stairs and got to the main hallway, out of breath.

All three of the boys' eyebrows shot up. John's shot up so high they disappeared behind his bangs. He really did need a haircut, that boy.

"Leigh, uh, what a surprise."

Then three pairs of eyes shot to mine and Garrett's hands clasped together. Garrett coughed loudly and we both let go. Already, my hand missed the feeling of his.

"Um, she was helping me with um, things."

"Y-yeah, he um, he, uh, I-I um," I couldn't think of an excuse. What kind of excuse would cover up the fact that Garrett and I had sex? Especially in front of my brother? "Hi," I finally said.

"Hello to you too," said Kennedy suspiciously.

"Let's just get going, guys. We still have to pick Pat up from your apartment, potato chip."

I slapped my hand to my forehead. "Fuck! I forgot to make the cookies! I, uh, got distracted. I'm sorry, guys."

"That's alright," shrugged Jared, "Tess made brownies."

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"You invited Tess? That's so awesome!"

"Yeah, let's go, you guys!" said John.