You Drain The Life From Me.

I had never felt so alone in my life.

I had never felt so much hate for myself.

I had never cried so much.

I had never talked so little.

Stephen assumed it had something to do with my pregnancy, and the weight I had gained, the mood swings, the exhaustion, and the overall crankiness from being pregnant.

And I truly was getting bigger. I was about six months in now. Three months ago, I had been so happy with Garrett. So, so happy. But then I fucked up.

I fucked up, bad. And reality hit. I couldn't have both Garrett and Stephen. It wasn't possible. So I settled.

Stephen was always there to comfort me, but each and every time, I pushed him away.

I didn't want Stephen, I wanted someone else, but I was afraid to talk to him because of what he had said to me the night Stephen and I got engaged, three months ago.

And it wasn't like he was trying to talk to me either, which I expected and accepted. I wouldn't talk to me if I was in his shoes. The guys weren't all that fond of me at the moment. They took Garrett's side, which I also expected and accepted. John was the only one that talked to me. But I think he only did that because I was his sister.

He kept me up to date on things with the band. They were going to start recording soon, which John was more than excited about. But then that meant they were going to be touring soon.

I didn't know how I was going to cope without my brother around. There was enough silence in my life as it was.

Stephen often talked about the wedding, as expected. I just smiled and nodded my head. My mother kept trying to get me to make plans for the wedding with her, but each time I politely declined. I told her I wanted to wait until after the baby was born to start planning.

I felt detached and empty. And it still hadn't fully hit me that I was actually going to marry Stephen.

The door swung open and Stephen came in with Jess and John. They had a band meeting and I guess the two decided they wanted to come over.

"Hi Leigh!" chirped John.

"Hi, John, how are you?"

"I'm doing awesome! How's the little one doing?"

"He's kicking. Nothing I can't handle, though," I replied with a smile. No matter who's baby it was, I always loved talking about my son. Whether he was a Gomez or a Nickelsen, he was still mine. And he still made me happy.

Jess plopped down on the couch beside me. I had come to really enjoy her company. Jess and Stephen were very close friends, so she was over a lot, and we had gotten close as well. She knew what it was like to be one of the only girls around. Lauren liked her too. We all planned to have plenty girl's nights after the baby was born.

"You alright? You seem a little down."

I nodded with a halfhearted smile. "I just miss the guys is all."

I had told her that the guys hadn't been talking to me. She suggested I try and make amends, but I told her that it wasn't all that easy. The reason behind their anger was pretty serious - marriage was a huge decision.

"Have you tried talking to them yet?"

"Nope."

"Stubborn, stubborn Leigh."

Stephen walked by and laughed. "Got that right." He pressed his lips to my cheek. "Do you need anything?"

I shook my head and shot him a grateful smile. "Thanks, babe."

"No problem. John and I are gonna be in the room, okay? You two have fun."

When I heard the bedroom door close, I turned back to Jess. "How's the band doing?"

"We're doing good. Brian's going through this rough patch in his relationship so he has a lot to write about. Stephen's been spewing out all this crazy shit about growing up and soul mates. I can't help but think it's because of -"

I groaned. "Don't say it!"

"I was going to say his newfound love for nachos but the word Leigh O'Callaghan works too," she smirked.

I pouted.

She just laughed, but then her smile faded. "Really though, he's dead serious about this relationship. Don't you guys think you're taking it too fast?"

"I mean, I guess we are. But I think the baby kind of fast forwarded all of that, you know? I think the baby's one of the bigger reasons that he proposed. If it wasn't for this little guy, I don't know where I'd be right now."

"With Garrett," she muttered.

I blinked, wondering if I actually heard what I did. I thought she was on Stephen's side, not Garrett's...

"What'd you say?" I asked, just to confirm.

"I said peas and carrots."

I raised my eyebrows. "Okay then..."


It was Sunday, which meant dinner with the family. It was strictly the family this time. No boyfriends or bandmates. Just family.

"Leigh, my darling!" trilled my mother. I kissed her on the cheek and smiled.

"How are you, mom?"

"I'm doing alright. Shane's going through that moody phase all the rest of you went through, so we're dealing with that. Speaking of my baby, go find him and talk to him. Maybe you can figure out what's going on."

I laughed at how my mom called Shane her baby and did as told. I climbed up the stairs and knocked on his door. Hearing a grumble that I took as an invitation to enter, I twisted the doorknob open and stepped inside.

"Hey buddy," I said cautiously.

His computer chair spun around and when he saw me, he smiled. "Leigh, you're here!"

I didn't quite know how to go about it. Should I ask him straight out? I thought. Or maybe I should build up to it...

"How are you doing, Shane?"

He shrugged. I sat down on the bed. "Alright, I guess."

"Just alright?"

"I mean, I don't know."

I looked at him with a questioning look. "What's going on, dude?"

Shane got up from his chair and sat down next to me, slumped over, elbows on his thighs and face in his hands. "Everything's going wrong, Leigh. I don't know what to do."

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. "Tell me what's up."

He lifted his head up. "You know my friend Michael?"

"Yeah, Ross' friend's brother, right? You're pretty good friends with him."

"Yeah, I trust him a lot. He's one of my best friends."

"What about him?"

"Well, yesterday, I asked him how he was since I hadn't seen him in a while, which was weird because we used to hang out almost every day. But lately, he's been distant. He told me that he made some new friends that give him weed and cigarettes and stuff, and that he really liked hanging out with them. Then he said that I should try it sometime."

I leaned back, eyes slightly wide with surprise. "Michael's smoking cancer sticks and weed?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you think he's a bit young?"

"Yeah," Shane repeated, "So I just quickly said that mom was asking me to do something and hung up because I didn't want to embarrass myself by saying no, but I don't want to do weed either."

"You did the right thing, by hanging up. But I would maybe call him back and tell him that you'd rather not get involved with that stuff. And maybe try to talk him out of it."

"That's not all."

"Oh?"

"No. I just...I'm really nervous for high school, Leigh. Like, really nervous."

"Why would you be nervous? You're an O'Callaghan! O'Callaghans can do anything!"

Once again, his head was in his hands, but then he lifted it up. "I'm just afraid. The high school is so much bigger than the middle school and there's lockers and seniors and juniors and sophomores and the teachers are meaner and there's more work and I don't want to lose any more of my friends because what if they end up like Michael, you know? And-"

"Shane, shh." I presses a finger to his lips. "Calm down, buddy. Calm down."

"It just seems like all the people I know are peeing their pants with excitement and I'm here all alone, worrying myself to death. Like everyone else can handle it, but I can't and it's all crashing down over my head and I don't know how to lift it back up. John can't help cause he's gone all the time, and Ross won't help cause he'll think I'm a baby."

It shocked me that my brother seemed to be feeling the same things I was. We were a good four or five years apart, but we were both emotional wrecks. Our stress was derived from different things, but it was stress nonetheless. And I realized my brother really did need me. He was much too young to be thinking like that. I was eighteen and I couldn't handle thinking like that. He was only thirteen.

Shane giving me this speech was just another reason I needed to move back home.

"Shane, listen to me. Do not worry, and take it easy. That's some of the best advice I've ever gotten. I hear it all the time. I hear it at the gas station, at the grocery store, the doctor's office, anywhere. 'Take it easy.' Just do it, Shane. And take life one day at a time. If you keep thinking ahead at the wrong times, this will happen a lot more than it should. Grow some balls, babe. I know you. You're a fighter. And to be honest, I'm feeling the same things as you. I'm in the process of losing my best friend, I have a baby at eighteen years old, I might not love my fiancée, and I miss my old room. But sometimes we have to roll with the punches and do the best we can under the circumstances."

He looked up at me and blinked.
"Thank you, Leigh."

I held him tighter. "We're going to be okay, Shane. I promise. We're going to be okay."

I wondered to myself if I could take my own advice.