Status: done.
You Drain The Life From Me.
you're not alright, would you just stop faking it?
Two days passed and I didn't see Garrett at all. That was the longest we'd ever gone without seeing each other.
"I can't handle this anymore. So I won't," I told Lauren as we lay on the floor in my room while a mix of A Day To Remember songs played.
"He really doesn't know that you're in love with him?" Lauren questioned.
"I'm not in love with him. I just..."
"How does, well, how did he make you feel?"
I closed my eyes and thought.
Lauren got up to get more Otter Pops. Yeah, we had a thing for those. When I heard her sit back down, I continued, my eyes still closed.
"He made me feel like I could always have someone there to rely on. Someone that would rule the world with me. Someone that would fight zombies and ride dinosaurs with me. Someone that shared the same opinions with me and shared his comic books with me. We were equal. And there was always that connection you know? Like, he always knew what I was gonna say before I said it, he always somehow knew when I needed a hug. He was always just, mine. And I was always his. It just worked out that way."
"But?"
"But he was always telling me he loved me and stuff. Even when we were little. And everyone knew it wasn't the best friend kind of love. It was the love kind of love. But even though he said he loved me, he never seemed to care when I said it back. Because no matter how many times I said it, he always, always ended up with another girl. And I'm tired of feeling pathetic and stomped on. This should have stopped a long time ago. But for some reason, I just couldn't let go of him. Why? I don't know. Because..."
I scrambled for an answer as to why Garrett was such a big part of my life. Why I couldn't let him go. Why he was constantly on my mind. Why I fought so hard for the love I knew I would never get. Why I kept trying.
Turns out there was only one answer.
"Because you're in love with him," Lauren answered for me.
"Because I'm in love with him," I repeated.
Before, it was just a little crush. It was just me liking my best friend. How cliché. But now it was something bigger. More serious. Here goes admitting what I never could before.
One. I ran all the possibilities of what would happen if I really did admit what I had been pushing away for so many years.
Two. I was afraid, I concluded. I was afraid he wouldn't love me back and I would end up even more hurt than before. That no matter what I did, he always ended up leaving me heartbroken.
Three minutes passed. But I needed to get it out. It was waiting there, it climbed through my throat and the words sat on my tongue, getting ready to kick through my teeth and break through my lips and announce what I had to say.
"Goddammit, Garrett Nickelsen, I'm in love with you."
"I'm sorry."
My eyes flew open. I sat up immediately. The door was open and Garrett was standing there.
"I can't handle this anymore. So I won't," I told Lauren as we lay on the floor in my room while a mix of A Day To Remember songs played.
"He really doesn't know that you're in love with him?" Lauren questioned.
"I'm not in love with him. I just..."
"How does, well, how did he make you feel?"
I closed my eyes and thought.
Lauren got up to get more Otter Pops. Yeah, we had a thing for those. When I heard her sit back down, I continued, my eyes still closed.
"He made me feel like I could always have someone there to rely on. Someone that would rule the world with me. Someone that would fight zombies and ride dinosaurs with me. Someone that shared the same opinions with me and shared his comic books with me. We were equal. And there was always that connection you know? Like, he always knew what I was gonna say before I said it, he always somehow knew when I needed a hug. He was always just, mine. And I was always his. It just worked out that way."
"But?"
"But he was always telling me he loved me and stuff. Even when we were little. And everyone knew it wasn't the best friend kind of love. It was the love kind of love. But even though he said he loved me, he never seemed to care when I said it back. Because no matter how many times I said it, he always, always ended up with another girl. And I'm tired of feeling pathetic and stomped on. This should have stopped a long time ago. But for some reason, I just couldn't let go of him. Why? I don't know. Because..."
I scrambled for an answer as to why Garrett was such a big part of my life. Why I couldn't let him go. Why he was constantly on my mind. Why I fought so hard for the love I knew I would never get. Why I kept trying.
Turns out there was only one answer.
"Because you're in love with him," Lauren answered for me.
"Because I'm in love with him," I repeated.
Before, it was just a little crush. It was just me liking my best friend. How cliché. But now it was something bigger. More serious. Here goes admitting what I never could before.
One. I ran all the possibilities of what would happen if I really did admit what I had been pushing away for so many years.
Two. I was afraid, I concluded. I was afraid he wouldn't love me back and I would end up even more hurt than before. That no matter what I did, he always ended up leaving me heartbroken.
Three minutes passed. But I needed to get it out. It was waiting there, it climbed through my throat and the words sat on my tongue, getting ready to kick through my teeth and break through my lips and announce what I had to say.
"Goddammit, Garrett Nickelsen, I'm in love with you."
"I'm sorry."
My eyes flew open. I sat up immediately. The door was open and Garrett was standing there.
♠ ♠ ♠
.......sorry for the slight cliffhanger :/ BUT as I said on my profile, I would update if I got 3 comments on this chapter and I did! :D Thank you to those who commented (: Am I the only one who gets chills when they listen to Take It Slow by The Summer Set?