Fall Out Girl

My charade came crashing down as soon as the door closed. How could everything be so right and so wrong at the same time? I took a deep breath and threw my shit beside the door. I walked into the kitchen. Pat smiled. I flashed him a fake one.

“What’s wrong, Emz?”

I looked at him numbly. It took a few seconds, but I eventually ran into his arms without saying a word. Like any good brother, he didn’t say anything back, just held me tight. That’s all I wanted. That’s all I needed. Unconditional love from someone that I care about. He led me up to my room sometime later.

“Emmy, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m living a lie, Patrick. Everything’s going to shit. I’ve taken on way too much. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I love him. I think that the fire’s really dying out this time. I want to save our relationship, and I want to destroy it at the same time. I’m a fuck up.” I mumbled into his shoulder.

He rocked me back and forth. “No, you’re not a fuck up. You’re Emmy. You’re my sister. I love you too much to let you say all that shit. And, about everything you’ve taken on, well, me and the guys are here for that. We’ll take care of you. We love you too damn much.”

I nodded. “And Parker?”

He sighed. “I would wait a little while. If it only worsens, then tell him. He deserves to know the truth, Emmy. Tell him. It’s mean to lead him on.” I nodded.

“Stay the night with me?”

“Of course.”

Our mom was working late tonight. We were used to it. I lay on my bed for hours with Pat. I was always comforted by his presence. Maybe it was a twin-thing. We just got each other. We went up to my room and curled up on the bed. He laid behind me with a protective arm slung around my waist. His head was in the crook of my neck. His breath tickled my neck.

“Hey, Pat?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever wish that he wasn’t such an asshole?” Pat knew exactly who I was talking about.

“No. what happened then was supposed to happen.”

Tears leaked out of my eyes. “I-I think we would’ve been happier. Then mom wouldn’t have to always be gone…that I wouldn’t be like this…”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

‘Yes, there is.’ I thought to myself, but I wouldn’t voice it. I was too much of a coward to say things like that out loud.

“We’re playing a gig in two weeks. You should come.”

“I’ll think about it.”

I could feel him nod his head. “So, is popularity all it’s cracked up to be?”

“I don’t know. I like the attention, but I hate it. I hate everything that gets associated with it. I’m not the whore everyone believes me to be.”

“Not everyone thinks that. I don’t. Joe doesn’t. Chris doesn’t. Will doesn’t. Parker doesn’t. That’s everyone that matters.”

My heart sank with his name. “I should tell him, but I can’t. We had such a good thing going. I can’t kill him like that. He’s in over his head.”

“But, is it really fair to him that you’re leading him on? You know that I don’t particularly like him, but at least be gentle with him. He was gentle and honest with you all those times.”

“I’m going for a jog. I need to clear my head.” I knew he was about to protest, but I got up and was out the door before he could say anything.

I took my usual route. Down past the houses. Through the town. To the trees. Arriving at the back entrance of the park. I climbed the jungle-gym and lay down across the metal bars. I looked up at the sky. It was cloudy and dark. The air was damp, signaling that a storm was coming near. I closed my eyes and felt the wind swirl around me. I was calmed. It was the calm before the storm, and I loved it

“What are you doing here?” a voice asked from below.

I sat up, my body protesting, and looked at him. His black hair fell in his face. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his hoodie. I smiled down at him. “Nothing. Just…I don’t know…thinking.”

He climbed up and lay down next to me. “I’ve only been here for less than two weeks, and I can’t stand this town already.” He confessed.

“Hmf. Try living here your whole life.”

“I couldn’t do it.”

I chuckled. “Well, it’s not as bad as everyone makes it sound. There’s a few perks.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Friends. Family. A better life?”

“A better life compared to what?”

“My past.” I said dully with my eyes closed. This caused an awkward silence. Somehow, he managed to get on his side- a very uncomfortable position.

“You look beautiful bathed in the moonlight.” I opened my eyes and smiled. His smiled widened. “And when that moonlight hit your beautiful eyes, I go blind.”

I laughed and sat up. “Mr. Wentz, you’re going to break a lot of hearts by doing what you’re doing.” I smiled back down at him.

He sat up with me, hugging his knees to his chest. “Where’s your boy tonight?”

“With his friends.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were him. You’re much too special to leave alone. I hope he’s a gentleman.” He leaned in closer to me. I pushed him away lightly.

“What were you planning, Pete? I have a boyfriend.”

He sighed and lit up a cigarette. “Yea, I know, but you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

I pulled it out of his mouth and threw it on the ground before he could inhale. “Those things are evil. You can die, you know.”

He just shrugged. I looked away. I closed my eyes and propped myself on my arms behind me. The metal bit into my hand, but I didn’t care. I tilted my head up and waited for the rain. The atmospheric tension depleted as the rain came down in a steady downpour.
Smiling, I jumped off the jungle-gym and started spinning circles.

“You’re a nut.”

“And you have no fun.” I said, opening my eyes. “Well, I’m going home now. See ya later.” I waved and skipped home through the slick grass.