Fall Out Girl

“Uh-huh. Yea. Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye out for her and call you as soon as I know. M’kay. Hearts to you, too. Buh-bye.” Kay sighed and plopped down next to me on the couch. “Ok. So that was Andy. Apparently Patrick called everyone and Pete is worried sick about you. Don’t worry, I told him that I’m at my grandmother’s so no one would come by here. You can either tell me what’s going on, or I’ll forcefully pry it out of you in the weirdest ways imaginable. What’s your decision?”

I sighed and leaned back. Yea, Kay’s mostly hyper, but she has her moments where she’s the most mature person I know. Do Ireally wanther everyone to know just how messed up I am? What thatevil man Spawn of Satan did to me? How I still have nightmares? Why I can’t trust too easily and don’t know what I’m doing half the time? I looked back over to her. She was looking back at me with hopeful eyes.

“As much as I want to tell you, I can’t. I’m sorry. But you wouldn’t understand. This was a mistake. I am a mistake.” I got up and started to walk towards the door. She caught my wrist.

“No. I don’t believe it.”

I looked back at her and narrowed my eyes. I don’t know what exactly happened, but in the next moment I was throwing everything I could get my hands on. I literally just snapped. After a good few minutes, I finally calmed down. Kay was still sitting on the couch. It was as if she didn’t see my little outburst.

She sighed and patted the spot next to her. “What’s wrong, Emmy? I won’t tell anyone and I won’t judge. But, you need to get whatever this is off of your chest. It’s not healthy. If you continue on this way, you’re going to lose your sanity and end up in a crazy house.”

I backed into the front door. What she said really hit me. I didn’t want to end up in a sanitarium, I wanted to go to Dartmouth and become a neurosurgeon. I wanted to help people, not rely on them to feed me drugs.

“I’m just here to help. Hell, we all want to help, but you won’t let us in.”

“That’s because I am crazy,” I said in a broken voice. I buried my head in my hands as I slid down to the floor. She came over and wrapped her arms around me in a sisterly hug.

“Why do you say that, Hon?

“I have four different people in my head, not including me.”

“Well, that sucks.”

“Yea, and now my psychiatrist wants me to move in with him. Mom’s already agreed. They say I’m getting worse, but they don’t understand how hard it is to deal.”

She shifted around. “Well, I know life is hard, but that’s why we have friends. They help us through everything.”

“Yea, that’s why I don’t want to go with him. Hell, I don’t even know if I want them gone. They take care of me when I can’t take care of myself. They deal when it’s too much to bear.”

“Emz, I’d hate to say this, but that’s not good. Everyone needs to deal with their own life. You can’t dump your problems on everyone else. You’re not being fair to yourself. You’ll never learn to deal if they always take over.”

I shook my head and looked at her. “No, what’s not fair is my so-called father sexually harassing, and nearly raping me! You don’t get it, Kay. You don’t get it because you’ve never been this messed up. You’ve never had to keep your mouth shut because no one would believe you or you were too scared that your own father would kill you. You’ve never been to afraid to get close and love someone. I didn’t tell Parker half the shit that was going on in my head because I knew he would either dump me and runaway, or he would want to protect me from every little thing. I just….I get into thinking that I can’t fucking do this shit anymore. I just want one of them to take the wheel. If they want out so much, then they can take my fucking life. Hell, they do a better job of running it than I do.”

“Don’t say that. Everything will work out in the end. You’ll beat them. Trust me; I have a good feeling about this.”

“You really think so?”

“No. I know so. C’mon, let’s at least call your house to tell them that you’re alive and well.”

I nodded my head as she helped me up into a standing position. I accepted the phone and punched in Pete’s number.

“Emmy? Where are you? What happened? Do you know how worried everyone is?”

“Hey, Pete. I’m safe at Kay’s house. Don’t worry about me. Can you come and get me? I really don’t want to encounter the wrath of Patrick…and I really don’t want to go home right now.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Ok. And, Pete, will you please just tell the others that I’m safe and not where I am? I just need to clear out my head for a bit.”

“Of course, Sweetie, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye-bye.”

I hung up the phone without replying. Kay gave me a small smile and grabbed my hands. “You’ll make it, Emmy. There’s no way we’re going to let you get away. You’re stuck with us.”

I gave a small smile back. “Thanks, you’re a great friend.”