Fall Out Girl

We walked around the campus in silence for about five minutes. During that time, Pete kept trying to grab at my hands. If he was successful, I would yank my hands out of his and stuff them into my pockets or grip my seams. Then he would still persist until I folded my arms across my chest tightly and glared at him.

“Listen, I don’t want this to end in a fight.” I stated.

“Me neither.”

“Ok, so at least that’s clear. Tell me, why were you such a dick to me? What happened on tour?

He shrugged and looked away. “So, you and Mick dating?”

It’s Nick. And, yes, we are.”

He nodded and we kept walking. We made some small talk on our journey, but not much. On our way back to Dylan and Matt’s building, Pete stopped me and pointed to the sky. I looked up, not having noticed that the stars were out. I looked at him and smiled before pulling him over to the Quad. I sat down in the middle, bringing him down with me. He laughed as we laid down side by side.

“You know, every time I see one, I’m reminded of you.”

“How so?”

“Well, take that star, for instance,” he said, pointing to a lone star in the distance. “It’s so bright, that it washes out the other stars around it. I wonder if it’s happy being all alone in the sky. It’s mysterious that way.”

“Yes, I see your point but that star gains friends as the night wears on and all the lights on Earth dim, so…it’s not alone all night long.”

“But the star also loses its friends right before the sun comes up.”

“What does it matter? You can’t see stars during the day.”

I felt him shift and all of a sudden he was looking down on me. “Yes, you can. You just don’t know where to look.”

“And you do?” I wasn’t going to let him fool me this time.

“I’m looking right at one now. And I swear, she fell ever so gracefully from the heavens.”
“So now I’m a fallen star?” I asked, sitting up and pushing him away. “Geez, Pete, what a way to build a girl’s confidence up!”

“It’s true, Emmy. Loving you is like loving a star: sure, they’re beautiful from far away, but you can’t get too close to them or else you’ll burn up. You have to catch them as they’re falling down…but you have to do it at the right time- catch them too soon and they’ll burn your hand; reach our too late and they’ll slip right through your fingers and get broken.”

“I knew going for a lyricist was a bad decision on my part.” I stated bluntly before getting up and brushing myself off. He quickly got up and grabbed my wrist.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go back to him. I need you. I love you!” he said before closing the gap between us. I resisted for the first few moments, but then I relaxed and kissed back. What the fuck is going on with me? When I realized what was happening, I quickly shoved him away.

“No, Pete.”

“Why not?”

“Because, you’re just another star up in that mother fucking sky, taunting me every night with promises and dreams that you can’t fulfill.” I said before walking away.

“But he can?” Pete called out after me.

I stopped and turned. “Go back to the van. I’ll make sure the guys come down in a little bit.” I said emotionlessly.

Honestly, I never knew how to feel with him around. One minute I’m the happiest person alive, and the next I’m confused as hell and always second-guessing my choices. He made two things clear, though: my worst mistake was letting him in, my second worst was letting him go.

I walked into the building where my new and old friends were getting to know each other. I sighed heavily and ran a few fingers through my hair before squaring my shoulders and putting on my mask. I opened the door with a smile.

“Where’d Pete go?” Nick asked in a ‘what the fuck have you been doing’ tone.

I turned to my twin and oldest friends. “Peter Pan wishes to go back to Neverland. Second star to the right and keep on going until morning.” Luckily, they all knew what I was talking about and filed out of the room accordingly so that I could say goodbye to them in semi-private.

Andy screwed his face up in a smile and wrapped me in a big bear hug. He twirled me around for a bit then set me down. “You’re one crazy chick. I’ll send Kay your love.”

“Thanks, Andy.” I replied with my plastic smile.

Joe was the next to give me a goodbye hug. “You fought well, Vader. Next time, you will perish.”

I cracked a smile. “Keep telling yourself that, Han. I don’t play nice.”

He just grinned and ruffled my hair.

“Alright, Girlie. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” I snapped my head instantly to my twin and grinned.

“Aweh, but you already know how I like it.” I replied.

He screwed his face up in disgust before wrapping me in a tight hug. “Did you settle things with Pete?” He asked, not letting go.

“For the most part. We’re talking, so…I guess it’s good.”

“What happened?” he asked, instantly seeing through me.

I pulled back and shook my head. “Nothing. We just talked.”

He bit his bottom lip, clearly not believing me, before nodding his head as indication that he was letting it go. “Ok. I’ll see you in two weeks, right?”

“Yes. I will be there. You can thank Nick for that.”

“No, seeing you happy is enough. I’ll send mom your love and give her a gigantic hug just for you.”

“Thanks, Pat,” I said, pulling him into another hug. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, Emz. Ok, I better leave before I take you with me.”

I laughed. “Ok. See ya in two weeks, and be careful! I don’t think I could live without my twin!” I called out to him as he was leaving.

He turned back to me with a grin. “Same can be said to you! Don’t go breaking hearts now, you hear?”

I shook my head and walked back into the room. “Hey, Rox,” I addressed my short friend. She looked up at me with a questioning look. “Go sick ‘em!”

Beet red, she grabbed a pillow off of Matt’s bed and chased me around the tiny room with it. All the dissonance that I was feeling previously melted away. If only my problems could have gone with it.