Fall Out Girl

Subject: Please Don’t Delete

Emmy-
I know you don’t want to read this, but it’s the only way I know how to get my point across since you won’t answer my calls and you ignore my text messages. I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore for what I’ve done, and I completely understand that. Hell, with everything that I’ve put you through, I’ll be amazed if you read this entire thing. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through- that was very inconsiderate of me. I’m sorry for what I’m doing to you right now (I’m a selfish bastard, I know). I actually heard a song on the radio today that reminded me of you. It’s called “Perfect” by a Canadian band named Simple Plan. When you can, give the song a listen and really focus on the chorus- I believe it will explain to you a lot of what I’m feeling right now. The first few lines pertain nothing to you, but from the last few lines of the first verse and on is completely my feelings toward you and this entire messy situation that I never meant to happen.

I’m not going to take back to what I said to you…that I love you, because I do. I am head over heels in love with you and I don’t want it any other way. I know you’re scared because of what happened with your dad. I also know that you’re feeling a little guilty because we started dating only two months after Parker died…but I swear to you, I am nothing like your dad. I won’t hurt you because I actually do love and care about you. I would never wish harm to you, no matter how mad we are at each other. And I know that you feel the same way about me, you’re just too scared to admit it because that would mean going against your better judgment and falling into the unknown…it’s scary, I know, but I’ll always be here to catch you- just, know that, okay? I’m also not sorry for what we did over Thanksgiving break. Honestly, that was the second best day of my life (the first being the day you said ‘yes’ to dating me). Again, I know I’m a selfish bastard that you want nothing to do with.

I just want you to know that nothing happened on tour. Yea, there were a lot of girls throwing themselves at me…one actually snuck on the bus…but I always shoved them off and called you as soon as I could every night. The reason I kept it a secret from you is because I didn’t want you to worry…and I wanted to see if you trusted me as much as I trusted you. And, Emmy, you succeeded with flying colors. I actually don’t remember why I was such a jackass to you when we got back. I remember wanting to feel you in my arms once again, but then something took over and made me act like that. I know no amount of apologizing will take back what I have done, but a guy can still dream, right?

If you’re still reading this, then you’re either laughing your ass off at my corniness, pissed off at my antics, or feeling touched at what I have to say. I really hope it’s the latter. It seems that we’re either the perfect couple, or we don’t want anything to do with each other…I blame that entirely on me and my insecurities. But, if it’s any consolation, being around you makes up most of my happy memories. I’m speaking of before and during the time that we were together. You always knew exactly what to say to put a smile on my face. I love you for that.

Emmy, you’re going to go to the stars if you really put your heart and mind into it. You are bound for far greater things than people (especially your father) give you credit for. For heaven’s sake, you’re in fucking DARTMOUTH…that should tell you everything! Who would have thought a girl with MPD and tons of baggage would get into an Ivey League school? Not me. You will excel in everything you do, I can guarantee that. By know, your brother, Kay, and everyone else has probably told you how much of a sad sap I am or that I’m a complete asshole that has ruined every chance of ever being with you again. No matter what happens, you will always be my star.

I remember when we first got together: everyone thought that we were perfect together. And we were. I swear you’ve made me the happiest guy ever. I never knew how to treat a girl right until you came into the picture. And I promise you, I’ll never find a love as good or as pure as you. Those nine months were Heaven to me, even through all the bumps and pot-holes that we had to go over.

As I write this, I’m thinking of all the ways I could potentially kill ourrelationship friendship…whatever you want to call it….and avoiding all of those word choices like the plague. And, to ensure that I don’t kill us, I’m going to let the ball rest in your court. If you don’t want to talk to me or acknowledge my presence, that’s perfectly fine. I’ll understand. I’d rather you be happy being mad at me than being depressed and tolerating me. I don’t want to be the cause of anymore of your problems. We have enough already.

So, if you don’t respond back, then I know you don’t ever want to see or hear from me again. When the guys come to visit you on our pit-stop in Connecticut, I promise that I won’t be there. But, if you are reading this heartfelt piece if crap and you do respond, then I hope that we can at least be friends…I sincerely wish that we could be more, but I’m willing for settling on being friends (as hard as it will be for me) because, as long as you’re around, I’ll be fine. I will give you exactly two weeks. On October 13, 2002 at 11:14 PM, I will know your decision. I know you’ll make the right one.

Sincerely,
Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III

P.S. I meant it every time I said “I love you” to you. If anything, you are too good for me, but I can’t imagine my life without you. I need you like a heart needs to beat (as cliché as it is). Without you here with me, I’m choking as if I’m a fish out of water. Please come back to me, it’s not as hard as you think.