Fall Out Girl

The party was in full swing. I have never seen my house so packed in my life. Laughing at one of Kay’s jokes, I quickly excused myself to get some fresh air. I leaned against the rail of my back porch and looked up at the sky. The clouds were dark and dense with precipitation. It was going to snow soon, I could feel it.

“Aren’t you cold?” a body said next to me.

I looked at one of the guys before. “Not really. What was your name again?”

“Gerard. Mind if I smoke?”

“Not at all, mind if I bum?”

He shook his head before offering me a pack and a light. “So, you’re the infamous Emmy.”

I took a long drag and slowly blew it out. “Yea, I am.” I responded. I only smoke when I am stressed and tired.

“Pat can’t stop talking about you. He loves you to death.”

“I know, and I love him to death. I love all the guys, actually. They’re my brothers.”

“Even Pete?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s… complicated. I don’t even know. All I know is that he continually hurts me and that I’m sick of it.”

“He still loves you, you know. He’s told me that you’re all he thinks about.”

I threw my cigarette butt on the ground. “What are you doing, Gerard? Did he send you out to play messenger boy and to find out if I still care for him? Because if he did, tell him that I’m perfectly happy in my engagement to the one guy who has treated me with respect since the day I met him.”

“I’m sorry, Emmy, it’s just…like what he told me, you’re a fucking puzzle. Can you even figure yourself out? You slave away all day, and all night sometimes, at your job. Do you do anything else?”

“My job has nothing to do with him. In fact, he was the one encouraging me to fight and succeed.” I quickly shut my mouth- they didn’t know. They weren’t allowed to know. I couldn’t risk anyone finding out about my past- it was still too painful.

“Fight? Fight what?”

I ignored his question. “Just, stop. Please? It’s taken years of therapy for me to get over.”

He nodded in understandment and lit up another cigarette.

I looked back up at the sky to see a lone snowflake drift down. I smiled at the memories snow used to bring me.

“Well, I’m heading in. Chicago winters are a little too cold for me.”

I nodded my head. “Bye, Gerard.”

He nodded and walked toward the door. He grabbed the handle and turned back to look at me. “Just so you know, he never meant to hurt you. He’s really sorry for everything he has ever done.”

I shrugged. “It’s too little, too late and coming from the wrong mouth.”

“That’s what I told him.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly. “Why isn’t he here?”

“Because he didn’t want to cause a scene. You should call him. I know that you’re dying to talk to him. Bye, Emmy.”

I stood there in stunned silence as the snow fell on my bare skin and drizzled my hair.

“Emmy! Come in here! You have to hear this!” My twin yelled. I could hear the excitement in his voice. “The guys from MCR have just finished it! It’s amazing!”

I snapped out of my daze and walked into the house.

“…Would you stay right here?
When I tell you,
That someone out there loves you.
If you stay right here,
Keep attacking you,
That someone out there loves you.

Is there no one, no one out there?
Is there no one who, no one who cares?
And if no one. no one out there?
Is there no one who, no one who cares?

And would you decimate the stars then,
When you go?

And if you stay right here,
When I tell you,
That someone out there loves you.
Stay right here,
Keep attacking you,
That someone out there loves you.

No one, no one out there,
Is there no one who, no one who cares?
And if no one, no one out there,
Is there no one who, no one who cares?”

“There is.” A voice answered in my ear.

I turned to face the owner. “Peter, stop. Did you have anything to do with this?”

“The song?” He motioned. “No, not at all. They actually wrote that for their significant others. You know the type of songs I write.”

“Bashing me every moment in metaphors? Hell yes, I know. Can you just leave?”

He shrugged. “It’s your party, but, before I leave, can we just…. talk? I miss it.”

Grumbling, I pulled him into the kitchen. I tossed him into the counter and stood at the doorway. I crossed my arms. “Ok, spill.”

“You’re feistier than ever. I like it.”

“Pete,” I warned.

He held up his hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. So, I assume you and Gerard talked?”

I rolled my eyes, “you really need to stop making other people do your dirty work.”

“But it’s so fun.”

“If this conversation is going to keep spinning in circles, then I might as well leave.” I said firmly, turning on my heel. I had every intention of walking out the door, but his voice always stops me.

“Emmy, I’m sorry.”

I turned back to face him.

“It’s just, I don’t know why I keep pushing you away. I want to be able to talk to you regularly and I want your friendship… it’s just… hard.”

“It’s hard to be the sweet guy I met?”

“Well, yea. Everyone expects so much out of me.”

“No, they don’t,” I told him softly. I found the courage to walk up to him and wrap him in a hug. “They want you to be happy. They want their best friend back.”

He pushed me away violently. “Shut up!”

I looked back at him in pity.

“Don’t you dare-”

“Pete, you don’t scare me. Or did you forget that threats mean nothing to me? You know what, I’m through with this.” I said, throwing my hands up in the air. “Call me when you aren’t such a jack-ass.” I stormed back into the living room. I quickly found Brian with Gerard and two other guys from his band. “Hey, Honey, I’m going to turn in for the night. I’m really tired.”

He nodded and kissed my lips lovingly. “Sure, I’ll be up later. Goodnight.”

“Night. I’ll see you later, too, Gerard and co.”

Gerard laughed. “this is Frank and Ray. And we’ll see you around.”

I nodded and waved goodbye before trudging up the stairs. Sleep could not have come harder that night.