Status: complete.
Commitorum Metus
1/1.
Frank checks his phone every few minutes, knowing that it will vibrate with a new message sometime soon. Concentrating on ironing shirts for his mother, he thinks about how much he misses his friend. Friend? Okay, whatever they were. Lately, he’s been cold. He’s not stupid; he knows exactly how he’s coming across. He never says ‘I miss you’ back. An expression of affection? Almost non-existent.
The sound of the starch he’s spraying on the shirt almost masks the unmistakeable sound of his phone vibrating against his desk. He leans over the ironing board and picks up the phone, seeing the nickname of his friend displayed on the screen. GeeGee.
This day is going hella long! And I miss you like a fucking idiot! Frank smiles slightly and replies with a dodgy comment on how the day is half gone. He feels like the idiot, knowing full well how capable he is of just saying he misses Gerard back. But he doesn’t – lately he barely does. He’s doing it on purpose but for what reason, he’s unsure. Maybe he’s just so focused on the pain being caused by people he thought cared and loved that letting anyone else in is unthinkable. Why would he want to leave himself vulnerable? He just couldn’t. He was sick of being hurt.
That’s stupid, he knows. Gee’s been there for years and sure they fight, sure they say hurtful things. But it was always Frank calling the worst shots, the really bad ones. Gerard had had his fair share of stinging blows, but nothing compared to what Frank had said and done in the past. Frank was meant to be the nice one and he was, just not always to Gee. Something he never understood. He wanted to be though. Did that count?
Come online tonight? Another message. And another let down for Gee. Frank was working, which was not unusual at all. He wanted to talk to Gee, to go on msn and webcam with him until the early mornings. Those webcam nights always led to not-so-innocent conversations. They got quite naughty at times, articles of clothing inevitably coming off. Frank knew his effect on his friend and used it to his advantage a lot. He’d seductively look into the camera, eat anything that was able to be licked from a spoon, roll on his back with his hips thrust upwards and in view.
When they’d say goodnight and sign off, he could count on being able to jack off a good two to four times. Gee would do the same, he knew. An image he longed to see. The teasing never ended for Frank, he never let his guard down around Gerard, ever. He was always confident, teasing, seductive and implicating something.
He remembered his last visit, when Gee came out to dinner and met his Mom. His best friend, Toro and his aunt Monique were there too. The entire night consisted of Frank swaying his hips in a way that he hoped Gee would notice, making comments about showers or licking. He did all of these things, careful to ensure that Gee’s attention was solely on him. Sometimes, he didn’t understand how he could like Gerard so much, on levels that were definitely not platonic, yet he wouldn’t commit. The count of times Gee had asked him to was at about three or four and the amount of times where he’d asked what they were, were countless.
Frank glanced at the clock, it was early afternoon and he’d have to leave for work soon. He checked his phone again, no messages. But he knew that because he would have heard it.
Bob had asked him many times, “you obviously like the guy. You think about just saying yes to him every second time I see you. What’s the excuse?”
Frank could always find one. Many if he was having a particularly bad day. But that’s what the all were: excuses. He had many reasons, but the deciding reason he wouldn’t admit, ever. All his reasons varied in validity, some were pathetic and others weren’t. But the big one, the deciding reason was just it. It didn’t even make all too much sense.
The discussions of Frank taking Gee’s virginity were constantly playing on his mind. He would never admit how nervous he was to do that, nor how jealous and hurt he’d be if Gee let someone else do it like he’d been planning. Frank hated the thought of someone else touching Gee intimately, let alone taking his virginity. He wanted that to be him. God, I’m selfish. I’m not willing to have a relationship with him, but I’m willing to take his virginity.
Gerard had been in love with him for a couple of years now, maybe longer. Frank had known, probably before Gee had even known himself. He’d guessed and then prodded and wheedled it out of him. The timing sucked when Gee finally told him. Frank had had many crushes on the boy over the years but had never acted nor said anything. He was content being the friend because he thought Gee would freak out. Which was stupid, but that’s what he thought then.
Frank had a girlfriend when Gee admitted it, causing the unfortunate timing. But now, two years later, that was ended and it was Gee who was still there after all that time. Frank hates to think how he’d agree to a more-than-friends-but-not-together relationship. But that was the problem, the commitment. He wasn’t sure when it became a problem, but it was. Frank didn’t just have one person who liked him though, he had several. He humoured all of them, but not like he did with Gee.
Mostly, he was scared that he’d finally be ready to be with Gee and he wouldn’t want him anymore. He was scared that maybe Gee was his ‘true love’ or something. What if he was? And Frank had toyed with him for so long, been yes, no then maybe, too much? He didn’t know. So he avoided thinking about it when he could. He was worried that he would just think that it was all a game, which is what it looked like. Bob had accused him of playing games with the boy. But it wasn’t games.
Deep down, Frank knew exactly how he felt about his friend. Would he ever admit it? Maybe one day. He had a feeling that on that day, it would be too late.
Girls took his fancy all the time, mostly attracting him for a few weeks before he’d find an imperfection or get bored. But every now and then, he’d find a potential person. A now person. He knew that none of them would be long-term. And that’s just what he wanted right now, something that wasn’t real. He wasn’t ready, not after the last person that left him because he was too messed up. He wanted Gee to have a real relationship, with someone who wasn’t going to fuck him around. Frank was so fucking scared that that is exactly what he would do.
Because he was so undecided he just couldn’t. He cared, more than anything about what happened to Gee. And he refused to break the boy’s heart even more. He knew that committing would mean a serious, loving, more real than anything relationship. And he wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t want Gee to be the rebound. This was the biggest reason before the deciding one.
“Frank, honey, you need to go to work soon.”
“Yeah, I know Mom,” he replied, switching off the iron.
His phone vibrated with another message. know when you’re coming down yet?
Frank wished it was right now.
The sound of the starch he’s spraying on the shirt almost masks the unmistakeable sound of his phone vibrating against his desk. He leans over the ironing board and picks up the phone, seeing the nickname of his friend displayed on the screen. GeeGee.
This day is going hella long! And I miss you like a fucking idiot! Frank smiles slightly and replies with a dodgy comment on how the day is half gone. He feels like the idiot, knowing full well how capable he is of just saying he misses Gerard back. But he doesn’t – lately he barely does. He’s doing it on purpose but for what reason, he’s unsure. Maybe he’s just so focused on the pain being caused by people he thought cared and loved that letting anyone else in is unthinkable. Why would he want to leave himself vulnerable? He just couldn’t. He was sick of being hurt.
That’s stupid, he knows. Gee’s been there for years and sure they fight, sure they say hurtful things. But it was always Frank calling the worst shots, the really bad ones. Gerard had had his fair share of stinging blows, but nothing compared to what Frank had said and done in the past. Frank was meant to be the nice one and he was, just not always to Gee. Something he never understood. He wanted to be though. Did that count?
Come online tonight? Another message. And another let down for Gee. Frank was working, which was not unusual at all. He wanted to talk to Gee, to go on msn and webcam with him until the early mornings. Those webcam nights always led to not-so-innocent conversations. They got quite naughty at times, articles of clothing inevitably coming off. Frank knew his effect on his friend and used it to his advantage a lot. He’d seductively look into the camera, eat anything that was able to be licked from a spoon, roll on his back with his hips thrust upwards and in view.
When they’d say goodnight and sign off, he could count on being able to jack off a good two to four times. Gee would do the same, he knew. An image he longed to see. The teasing never ended for Frank, he never let his guard down around Gerard, ever. He was always confident, teasing, seductive and implicating something.
He remembered his last visit, when Gee came out to dinner and met his Mom. His best friend, Toro and his aunt Monique were there too. The entire night consisted of Frank swaying his hips in a way that he hoped Gee would notice, making comments about showers or licking. He did all of these things, careful to ensure that Gee’s attention was solely on him. Sometimes, he didn’t understand how he could like Gerard so much, on levels that were definitely not platonic, yet he wouldn’t commit. The count of times Gee had asked him to was at about three or four and the amount of times where he’d asked what they were, were countless.
Frank glanced at the clock, it was early afternoon and he’d have to leave for work soon. He checked his phone again, no messages. But he knew that because he would have heard it.
Bob had asked him many times, “you obviously like the guy. You think about just saying yes to him every second time I see you. What’s the excuse?”
Frank could always find one. Many if he was having a particularly bad day. But that’s what the all were: excuses. He had many reasons, but the deciding reason he wouldn’t admit, ever. All his reasons varied in validity, some were pathetic and others weren’t. But the big one, the deciding reason was just it. It didn’t even make all too much sense.
The discussions of Frank taking Gee’s virginity were constantly playing on his mind. He would never admit how nervous he was to do that, nor how jealous and hurt he’d be if Gee let someone else do it like he’d been planning. Frank hated the thought of someone else touching Gee intimately, let alone taking his virginity. He wanted that to be him. God, I’m selfish. I’m not willing to have a relationship with him, but I’m willing to take his virginity.
Gerard had been in love with him for a couple of years now, maybe longer. Frank had known, probably before Gee had even known himself. He’d guessed and then prodded and wheedled it out of him. The timing sucked when Gee finally told him. Frank had had many crushes on the boy over the years but had never acted nor said anything. He was content being the friend because he thought Gee would freak out. Which was stupid, but that’s what he thought then.
Frank had a girlfriend when Gee admitted it, causing the unfortunate timing. But now, two years later, that was ended and it was Gee who was still there after all that time. Frank hates to think how he’d agree to a more-than-friends-but-not-together relationship. But that was the problem, the commitment. He wasn’t sure when it became a problem, but it was. Frank didn’t just have one person who liked him though, he had several. He humoured all of them, but not like he did with Gee.
Mostly, he was scared that he’d finally be ready to be with Gee and he wouldn’t want him anymore. He was scared that maybe Gee was his ‘true love’ or something. What if he was? And Frank had toyed with him for so long, been yes, no then maybe, too much? He didn’t know. So he avoided thinking about it when he could. He was worried that he would just think that it was all a game, which is what it looked like. Bob had accused him of playing games with the boy. But it wasn’t games.
Deep down, Frank knew exactly how he felt about his friend. Would he ever admit it? Maybe one day. He had a feeling that on that day, it would be too late.
Girls took his fancy all the time, mostly attracting him for a few weeks before he’d find an imperfection or get bored. But every now and then, he’d find a potential person. A now person. He knew that none of them would be long-term. And that’s just what he wanted right now, something that wasn’t real. He wasn’t ready, not after the last person that left him because he was too messed up. He wanted Gee to have a real relationship, with someone who wasn’t going to fuck him around. Frank was so fucking scared that that is exactly what he would do.
Because he was so undecided he just couldn’t. He cared, more than anything about what happened to Gee. And he refused to break the boy’s heart even more. He knew that committing would mean a serious, loving, more real than anything relationship. And he wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t want Gee to be the rebound. This was the biggest reason before the deciding one.
“Frank, honey, you need to go to work soon.”
“Yeah, I know Mom,” he replied, switching off the iron.
His phone vibrated with another message. know when you’re coming down yet?
Frank wished it was right now.