My Beautiful Mistake.

"You cut yourself," I accused quietly when Vicky's full sleeve slipped up as we were washing the beer bottles. We were nearly done for the day so we'd taken back most of the glasses to the tap to clean them up.

Cody and I had planned a double dinner date today after I got off, me and Jake and he was bringing Laura. I was excited to meet her, but I was feeling too exhausted now.

She pulled her sleeve back up protectively and snapped - "Mind your own business."

"Vicky wait," I said, holding her hand, "the wound is open.. it's bleeding."

She hesitantly slipped it back up to reveal the scarlet drops running down. I winced at the sight.

"I'll go wash it," she murmured, embarassed, "you just... please don't mention it to the old man."

I stared at her. Vicky using the word 'please' and blushing tomato red, and cutting herself. Something was up.

"I won't," I assured, "You have my word for it."

She nodded, and washed her wrist with the cool water as the crimson tides flowed down. I looked away, flinching. She didn't even wince at what I was sure had to be extremely hurtful - washing a deep wound - she'd obviously gone through it many times before.

"Damn.." she cursed, "it won't stop."

I bit my lip and turned back to face her. "Wait, I'll get a band-aid or something..."

"No," she said, "that's too noticeable. I won't be able to hide it."

I looked up at her pale face, she felt like a different person now that she was exposed to me.

"I'll give you some of my full sleeved shirts," I told her, "I've had to buy tons of them, none of the other smaller ones fit my anymore."

She half smiled. "Thanks," she mumbled, "so how many weeks are you now?"

"Twenty five," I told her, searching for the first aid section. When I found it I dug out a few band aids and pasted them all over her pink and red skin to try to control the bleeding.

"Anytime," I told her. It felt odd being so polite and civilised with Vicky.

"Its just.. you know my grandfather, he'll flip if he finds out," she said.

"Matt is your grandfather?" I asked, surprised, "he owns this place?"

"Yeah," she said, chuckling as she propped herself on the table beside the sink, "he's the one."

"I never knew.."

"Yeah," she nodded, "we don't really behave like granddad and grandkid. It's my fault, I've tried and tested his patience to the limit. Even when he worries about me and he's about the only person who loves me all I want to do is to push him away."

Push him away... I paused for a second. That's what I was too, I push away people who care for me.

"I understand that sentiment, somehow," I told her. She chuckled mirthlessly again.

"I don't think you can, Julia," she said, "nobody can. Atleast I hope you never have to."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't have a very happy childhood," she said, then closed her eyes, "actually a very nightmarish one to be honest."

I was curious now but I continued washing the glasses.

"Thank you," she said, again, "for not asking what happened."

I looked at her, and I could see she was being very sincere, no sarcasm.

I shrugged. "I want to know, actually," I admitted, "but you seem really troubled by it.."

"You think you can handle it if I tell you?" she enquired seriously.

"I..I'd like to give it a try," I said mildly.

She got down from the table and began helping me with the glasses again, using her unhurt hand. There was a long pause, through which I thought she wasn't going to say anything after all, and then she began -

"My parents died when I was very little," she started, in a matter of fact way, "Just six, I think. I used to be a happy kid until then, or so I've heard. Since then grandpa's been taking care of me, and this bar. It used to be a bright place until then you know.. happy people used to come here to be happier."

"How did it change?" I asked, not being able to imagine this place as anything but as murky as it is now. My cell vibrated.

1 New Msg: Jake.

I checked it hurriedly, wanting to give Vicky my full attention.

Where r u? I jst gt here and u cnt imagine how awkwrd it is here with Cody and his gf!

I told her to pause just a moment and texted back to him saying I wasn't going to be able to make it after all and that I'd see him at home.

"When I was eleven, one of our regulars, Paul began.. abusing me. He used to hit me, kiss me, feel me up... And scare me. He used to threaten me, that if I squealed he'd hurt me more or hurt my grandpa. So I kept quiet. Then he began bringing his friends too, and they were all like him. They all began taking advantage of me.. hurting me. They began raping me when I was fourteen."

I was shocked, shaking. "And you didn't tell anyone?"

"No," she said quietly, "I had begun to understand that they really were dangerous people. I'd seen guns in their coats too. So I kept quiet. That's when I began getting all odd. I used to put on tons of makeup for school because I didn't want anyone to see the scars. I became very quiet, timid, shaken and nervous. I was known as that 'weird emo kid'. And grandpa couldn't understand why I'd changed, though he tried."

"How long did it go on?" I asked, horrified.

"When I was sixteen," she said, smiling evilly almost, "One of them got me pregnant. I didn't tell anyone for two months I think... then Paul found out, got scared, hit me again, and I lost the baby. Then they all left when I was eighteen. But not after permanently damaging me. When they were gone, suddenly there was nothing I had to fight against every day, and I was just so... empty, hollow. That's when I began cutting. It was the only thing that gave me release from the pain. Only thing that gave me peace. Then when I was nineteen I ran away. Travelled the country, but all those inner scars still haunted me, so I came back. This place had gone to the pits by then and I did what I could with an aging grandpa to run it. I try to be tough, on the outside. I am, in a sense I guess. Nobody would dare mess with me now... I'm sorry, I think I've really scared you."

"No," I lied, "its fine.. I mean not for you. You just let those men go?"

My cell beeped again.

1 New Msg: Jake

Why nt? Is somthng wrong? Wer r u?

I couldn't do anything but ignore it, so I then switched it off.

"I wasn't very strong at the time, what they'd done to be had completely broken me Julia. I didn't have any nerve to stand up. Thats what I am, spineless.. and then you came, sixteen as I was, and pregnant. And I guess I was just jealous of you. You have this boyfriend who loves you, wants to keep your baby and you, a family who dotes on you.. and I have only my grandpa, someone who might not even believe I loved him even if I told him."

"He does," I told her, "very much. I've seen it in the way he worries about you.. He loves you very much, Vicky. You're not alone. Really."

She laughed humourlessly. "You're being kind on me now," she said, "we should get back to work. And I mean it seriously when I say that if you repeat this to anybody else I will happily kill you."

I shuddered, "You're secret is safe. I'll carry it to my grave."

"That I'll make sure of," she said, her voice arrogant again, "go check if any last customer is here.. those drunkards just don't stop coming..'

I nodded, partly relieved to see her back to normal, and went back to the bar. Only two men were lingering, so I took their orders. I switched my cell on again.

1 New Msg: Cody

Wer r u? Rosa or mum dn't kno, Jake's gettn worried, Laura had 2 go home and v'v split up 2 find u..

I called him to tell him I was fine and something just held me up, and that I was on my way back home. I looked out of the dark window. From inside you couldn't see out but from outside you could peep in. I could just about make out a rainy scene outside as I contemplated what I was doing. I didn't like lying like this, but I didn't think I had a choice unless I wanted to face an unpleasant conversation.

"Julia?" Matt called when Vicky came, "Someone's here to see you."

I frowned, and exchanged glances with Vicky. I'd told her about why I was lying once some days ago and she looked nonplussed too.

"Send them in will you please?" I asked him, "I'm a little busy."

With the beer in my hands I went over to table 2 to serve the 24 year old Ian who came here everyday, according to Vicky, to ogle at us.

"I want another round," he said after he finished what I gave him in a gulp.

"I'm sorry, we're closing down now," I told him firmly.

"I said I want a another round," he argued, obviously not in his senses.

"Well I'm asking you to get the hell out," I told him. Vicky came over, sensing the disturbance.

He held my hand roughly, and repeated his want. Aggravated, I held his from below and twisted it rashly to hear him wince.

"Now what did you say?" I asked him.

"Nuthin," he said, in slurred speech, "i'm goin... I'm goin.."

I winked at Vicky and she smiled back, then she looked over my shoulder and her smile faltered. I looked back too to see Cody standing there, looking furious.

I gulped.

Hello unpleasant coversation..