My Beautiful Mistake.

*PLEASE READ - Last chapter I accidently wrote Jake instead of Cody and I've corrected it now so just to be clear its Cody who found her there and not Jake.*

*****

We just stared at each other, him accusing and a little disbelieving, me defiant and protective, till I finally dropped my gaze.

"I'll go change..." I muttered, walking past him, "then we'll talk."

I didn't look back to see what he said, and when I emerged from the changing room he was already outside, on the phone.

"Yeah.. I found her," he was saying, "she was... well, lost I think... sure, I'll bring her back right now..."

He turned when he sensed me, and cut the phone line.

"Who was it?" I asked as I got out the umbrella I had carried to shield both of us from the rain. Being the taller one, he held it as we began walking.

"Jake, he was worried," he accused, "very worried."

I looked at Cody's face, trying to form an explanation.

"Look I'm not going to say sorry because I really won't mean it if I do. I needed the money real bad," I sighed, "I can't depend on anyone else to bring the baby up. It has to be me so I started working here the week I arrived. Granted it's not the best job..."

"Job?" he cut in, incredulously, "that's not a job, Jules. You're a frickin waitress in a cheap third rated bar. You serve drinks to all those complete jerks who go there and I don't even want to imagine what you've been doing there."

"I've done nothing!" I protested, outraged, in a low and lethal voice, "what kind of girl do you think I am? I just serve drinks and I get paid for it so sue me if its such a mortal sin to be a mere waitress and not want to sit at home while my entire family is out working in a city that they moved in because of me being pregnant!"

"If it wasn't such a mortal sin why did you hide it? Why didn't you tell anybody you'd got a 'job' if there's nothing to be sorry about?" he demanded. People around us, few as they were, were starting to turn around and stare at us.

I faltered for a moment, then - "B-B-Because I knew you'd take it like this. You and Jake and everybody. Its not a big deal but you guys will make one of it. I was sure, and obviously right."

"That's not the whole truth is it Jules?" he asked.

"Of course it is, what else do you think there could be to it?" I enquired, my eyes boring into his.

"You dare accuse me of keeping secrets and then you do this," he mused, leaning in to intenstify the moment, "You know what I think Jules? You love keeping secrets from people, its become an absolute part of you. Hasn't it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, unfliching.

"Hasn't it Jules?" he pressed, "its who you are now. You have this world in your mind and you don't let anyone in do you? Not your sister or mother or me or Jake or anybody. You've never fully accepted anyone have you?"

"What the hell do you mean? That I don't love them?"

"That's not what I'm saying," he said, leaning back, "and you know that's not what I'm saying. You know it. You know what I mean. Loving somebody and... wanting somebody are two different things. And the difference here is you love a lot of people, but in reality you don't want any of them."

I frowned, "That doesn't even make sense."

"Yes it does," he said, "and you know why? Because I think exactly the same way too. I love you, and mum and dad and my brother and so many people but I dont feel the need for anybody. Because in the end I think I'm always alone. It's always been just me."

"Thats not true," I pointed.

"It's not," he agreed, "but its my physocology. And yours. We've those kind of people who are perfectly content with just ourselves, who feel the need to block everyone and everything out because deep down.. we're just too sensitive and we're really only trying to protect ourselves."

I breathed in deeply, suddenly not being able to argue with him now. "You're like that too?"

He smiled, victorious. "Yeah," he replied, "I am. But you... you didn't even know it all along did you? Why you keep building a wall around yourself? How could you not?"

"I - I still don't," I admitted, suddenly thinking of what Vicky had narrated to me today, "I mean, there's no reason for us to be like this. We've both have had perfectly normal childhoods, normal, loving family's, we've always been mentally stable... then why? It's not like we've been through some trauma or something..."

He stopped walking, making me look up at his face frowningly.

His eyes were wide, pensieve, trying to tell me something crucial that he didn't want words to do. I frowned, suddenly alarmed.

"Haven't we?" he asked quietly.