My Beautiful Mistake.

"Hey," I replied shakily.

I didnt have a clue as to what I was about to face. There was a part of me that was frightened, scared that he might yell, deny me more than I had denied him - irrationally enough - and every fear I had been consumed with when I first learnt of the existence of my child resurfaced, making my heart thud violently.

But then there was also a part of me that was stronger, ready to accept and shield myself from whatever accusations he might hurl. A part of me that refused to believe in the first place that he would ever intentionally hurt me. A part that hoped and expected that he might just say a few words of comfort and leave to live his own life. That was the best scenario I could think of.

"I think we should give the guys some privacy," my father sugessted mercifully. They quietly rose and left.

I tried sitting up again, this time he propped some pillows on my back, and took the seat Mary was previously in, right beside me.

"This is awkward," I said finally.

If his face werent as deathly serious as it was at the moment, I might have actually believed that the twist of his sensual lips was actually meant to be a smile.

"When did you find out?" he asked me, ignoring the first question. I really couldnt blame him.

"Two and a half months ago," I told him, staring at my palms.

"And the thought of letting me know never ocurred to you?" he enquired.

I bit my lip, unwilling to look into his hazel brown eyes. "You don't know what its like, what it felt like when I first found out. I wanted to keep the baby, but I was terrified. Terrified of my future, its future, and of what you'd say. I didnt want sympathy from you, or anyone else, I never kept any expectations from you. So I figured it was easier on both of us if you just didn't know."

"It wasn't your decision to make," he asked, shaking with anger again, but keeping his voice so cool and controlled that I almost was frightened of him.

"I'm the mother," I hissed, surprised by the fierce possesiveness in my own voice, "of course it was mine. And it was for the better. It would have kept you happier atleast." Softness dawned upon my towards the end, like moonlight calming the blazing effect of the sun.

"Now see that's why I fell for you in the first place," he said, smashing his fist on the headboard out of frustration, "you'll think of everyone, and forget about yourself. You just always know what's right, and your mind... the way it works stuns me sometimes. I wish I could be angry at it."

I was confused now. "What are you saying?" I asked, unsurely, "I dont understand..."

"This," he said, placing one hand of his on my stomach tenderly, "isn't just your child. Its mine too."

I had to swallow back my tears, for a wholly different reason than I had to last time.

"You're saying - " I started in a cracking voice.

"That we're going through this together," he said, his hand remaining where it was, now staring at it, "this..its a part of me, and you. And as much as I can try, I don't think I can not love any part of you."

I was speechless for a second as I stared at him. Honesty was transparent and undeniable. I felt overwhelmed. I'd never for a second expected this... What was happening? Happy endings didnt exist... of course this was nowhere near an ending... but I felt thrown off my balance. All my practicality, my confidence that he'd want nothing to do with this...

"You have to go to university," I reasoned in a hoarse voice, "You need to go get that football championship you've worked so hard for. You think I'm gonna let you throw your dream away?"

He sighed. "I really want it all... Your right, I have worked hard for it, as have you. But your choosing the baby."

"Thats because I have to, I want to. I'm the mother, its life is dependant on me, not you!"

"That's a pathetic reason," he scoffed, then placed his hand on my forehead, brushing the hair, "If you can do it, so can I. I'll get a job, we'll raise our child, and later on I'll get my degree. If you can't be part of my dream I'll find a new one. You're not the only one allowed to make sacrifices you know."

I tried swallowing that. "You can't go back from this, you can't have a child and then realise that you didn't want it. It's not something you can say you made a mistake and apologise for. This is like... life changing Jake."

"So be it," he said, sounding indomitably resolute, "I think I'm mature enough for this decision."

I started biting my nails now. I couldn't dissuade him anymore. I was feeling weak now, physically, and I knew this was a lost war.

Jake wasn't going anywhere.

I smiled now. He smiled too, then bent down to kiss me. I held on to his lips longer than I usually did, feeling at home again.

"Hm... I missed you, so much..." I trailed off, in tears again.

"You silly, beautiful girl," he chuckled, "You nearly broke us both up. I missed you too."

I smiled, my fingers still playing with his dark hair. "So you'll stay, with me and the baby?"

"Where else would I be?" he asked me.

"I dunno.. in April's dreams maybe," I laughed.

"April?" he asked, "dont tell me..."

"Yep, since a month. She was delighted when we both broke up you know. Have you even noticed her?"

"My eyes have a far more special, beautiful and amazing girlfriend to marvel at," he laughed.

"Uh-huh, I dont like the sound of that, who's this?" I asked.

"She's the most gorgeous, over sensitive girl who's completely out of the world," he said, "she's got this way of making sense out of twisted ways, and she sees a very different world through her eyes, and she's just the most special girl ever. And she was so incredible that she broke my heart."

"Sounds familiar," I murmured into his ears, "I'm so sorry Jake, it killed me to hurt you, but I thought it would keep you happier in the long run."

"Forgiven," he said quietly, "just don't ever do this to me again? Promise?"

"I'll think about it," I told him, smiling.

Playfully, he kissed me again, and this time I placed my own thin hand on his, over my womb.

"So six months to go huh?" he asked.

Six months. Sounded like a lifetime to me. Öf course I had Jake beside me now. I had my world. But...

"Don't worry," he said, "the baby will be here in no time."

"I'm going to Florida," I told him in a panicked voice, "two months from now."

He looked serious, but lightened up when I yawned involuntarily. "We'll think of that later, I'll let you get some rest now, you look weak." He got up from his place.

"Don't leave," I pleaded, "please?"

He sighed. "I can't say no to you anymore. You've made me powerless ma'am."

I smiled, stiffling another yawn.

"Oh, and the first night you get out, dinner at my place," he said, "we've got to tell my folks."

"Nice," I grimaced, "great way to get me to calm down my nerves and sleep."

"Sorry," he laughed, holding my hand now, "good night."