Four Years

Rachel's POV

I wandered down the hallways of the venue alone, desperately looking for someone to latch onto - anyone! I had to find someone so I wasn't alone. I was never alone once so far on this tour. I wasn't gonna start being alone today.

I heard whistling and cursed under my breath. I knew it was him. He'd always whistle when he was walking. It's just what he did. Two days ago, I literally crawled out of the dressing room window because Jess came in running, flailing around, screaming that he was coming. Jess and I had a system. It wasn't a good system - but it was a system. Scream and flail. It always worked.

"Shit, shit, shit," I panicked, debating whether I should turn to run or just walk right by him, not saying anything. Too late.

He stared me down as I walked by. I felt my cheeks grow hot, my palms grow sweaty, and my heart pound against my chest, like it was gonna pop out any minute. Why was I so nervous? It's not like he was gonna stop me and -

"Rae..." I heard him whisper. Fuck! Should I turn around or just keep walking ahead? I couldn't go on like this. I had to face him sooner or later. I had to. The truth would spill out soon enough. I had a feeling it would.

I shut my eyes tight and sighed, turning on my heels to face him. I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing only a few feet away, staring at me. "Can I help you?" I asked, feeling my voice tremble. I hadn't spoken to him in ages. I was so nervous. I wanted Pete here with me.

"Rach...is that...is that you...?" He asked softly, his voice trembling just a bit. It was like he was gonna cry. A small smile grew on his face. It was weird seeing him again. He honestly hadn't changed a bit. He still looked the same way he did when I left him. Same, messy brown hair, same deep chocolate eyes, same crooked grin. Same old Alex.

I sighed and kicked at the concrete floor, "Hi, Alex."

"Rachel!" He screamed, quickly embracing me in a tight bear hug. He was squeezing so hard I thought I was gonna die. I could barely breathe. He rested his head on mine, kissing the top of it so gently. I wrapped my arms awkwardly around his torso and cuddled into his
chest. "I missed you so much, Rae."

I didn't.

"Me too, Alex," I sighed, patting his back softly. I wanted him to let go of me. I wanted to run away from him and run into Pete's arms. I was not looking forward to explaining why I ran, why I didn't have a toddler with me, and all of those stupid details about my life.

"God, you're beautiful," He said as we pulled apart. He looked me up and down, examining my every little detail. "Why'd you run?"

And there it was. The question from the boy I had avoided like the plague. I wish I could've hit a rewind button and just dart away from him when he said my name. I never wanted this to happen. Fuck Pete for inviting them on this tour! Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him!

"No hello? No how are you? None of that?" I laughed, avoiding the question. God, I wish Gabe would appear magically. He could swoop me away from here. Just like the first day of tour with the security guard.

He chuckled and wrapped me in another hug. Ugh, when was this gonna end. He was so annoying. I rolled my eyes and sighed, causing him to pull apart.

"Wanna go somewhere we can talk?" He asked.

Nope. I wanna go on my bus with my boyfriend and sleep forever.

"We can talk here," I said, sliding down against the wall to the floor. I crossed my legs and patted the floor next to me. He laughed and slid down next to me.

He tucked his knees up to his chest and sighed, "How've you been, Rae?"

Fantastic until you showed up back in my life.

"Awesome," I smiled. "My life has been nothing but awesome. How's life been treatin' ya, Lex?"

"Life's been...I love it. I'm living my dream," He chuckled, looking straight ahead. He seemed really happy.

Fuck. I didn't want to crush his little heart.

"I'm living my dream too," I giggled, watching as a roadie rolled an equipment bin by us. "Suarez" was spray painted in green on the side.

"Why'd you run, Rae?" Again. That stupid question. Ugh. I hated Alex. I just wanted to punch him and walk away.

"I explained it to you in a letter, dude. I know you got it, too. You used lines from it in your stupid song," I sighed, placing my head in my hands. I didn't even want to look him.

"All because you were pregnant? I would've helped you, Rachel. Don't say I wouldn't have, either!"

I snorted and looked up at him, "Oh, Alex, Alex, Alex...listen to me. I ran away because I was so fucking sick of Maryland. That child helped me get out of that dumbfuck state."

"I thought you liked Maryland...you had everything. Perfect friends, perfect family, per - "

"Ha! I didn't have perfect friends or family! Jack used me for sex! You were always feeling sorry for me! My parents always fought! Dammit, when I ran away to Chicago, I finally felt peace. I finally felt free of bullshit! God, I finally lived for the first time!"

And, I felt the lowest I've ever felt.

He looked at me with pain and sorrow written all over his face. He spoke after an ear piercing silence, "I loved you, Rae. I didn't feel sorry for you. Well, actually, I did. I didn't think you were being treated right. Jack just used you like a toy...I loved you, Rae. And when you left, I was heartbroken. You crushed my heart, Rae. I...I had to move on. I had to go on without you. Do you know how hard that was?"

"Uh-huh, whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. He was pissing me off. I didn't care if he had to move on. Jesus, I had to move on from all of them Even though it wasn't that hard. But, if anyone is complaining, it should be me. "Lex, listen to me, I had to run. I had to get out of that state. I just had to. I'm sorry I broke your heart. Whatever. I would've held you back if I did stay. And...I would've honestly been miserable with you. I didn't love you, Alex. I fell in love for the first time when I ran. Pete showed me love."

He sighed and ran his shaky hands through his brown hair, tugging it, "What happened to our kid, Rae?"

I felt my heart stop beating. I stopped breathing. My world just stopped.