Four Years

April 14, 2009 - Fillmore - Denver, CO.

Rachel's POV

"Pete!" I whined, jumping on my sleeping boyfriend. He passed out on the floor last night because I asked him if I could have the bunk all to myself. I needed my thinking time. He, of course, said sure. But, he fell asleep in the bunk hallway, right by the bunk. It wasn't necessarily better, but whatever. "Wake up! Tour breakfast in twenty minutes!"

"Ugh, Rae, go away. I want the hallway all to myself," He mumbled shoving me away from him with his leg. His short leg that didn't really push me back that far. I giggled and jumped on him again. He groaned. "Hemingway! Get her!"

"We've been over this, Peetard. He likes me. He's not going to attack," I smirked, laying on top of the small bassist.

"Shut up and let me sleep," He said, rolling over, causing me to roll over with him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and smiled sleepily. "I'll get up in ten minutes, okay?"

"Promise?" I smiled.

"Promise," He replied, kissing me softly on the lips.

"Awesome," I laughed, standing up. "Now, if I come back in ten minutes and you're not up, I'm going to shoot you."

"With?"

"I'll figure that out," I smirked, walking away.

Ten minutes later and he was still laying on the floor, the blanket half off his body, exposing his tattooed torso.

"Pete..."

He groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes roughly, "Jesus Christ, I'm up. Leave me alone."

Oh, my sweet, wonderful, cheerful little boyfriend.

*

I sat sandwiched between Pete and Alex in this booth. Jack, Patrick, and Jess were sat across from us. The little restaurant couldn't fit us all at one table, so they had to fit us in like, five different tables. It was interesting.

"So, Alex, Jack, how'd you and Rae meet?" Pete smirked, shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth. I turned and glared at him, wanting to smack him upside the head.

Jack and Alex both chuckled. Alex was the first to answer because Jack had french toast in his mouth. And, it kinda made sense that Alex would speak first because I met Alex first, then Jack. "Well, Rae moved to Maryland at ten, right? Yeah, so, she came into my fifth grade classroom all shy and shit. She sat across from me and that was when we became best friends."

"Yeah, and we met in middle school. Alex went to some fancy private school for middle school, so Rae needed a new sexy best friend. I stepped in. What class did we meet in?" Jack laughed.

"Gym. Mr. Reader's fourth period gym class," I sighed, rubbing my temples. This conversation was gonna give me a headache. Just being seated across from him was giving me a headache. He was pulling the same shit he did the day in 2005 when we went to that IHOP. He kept staring at me and making small sexual gestures. I wanted to take my fork and stab him in the neck with it.

"Ew, so you guys met when you were sweaty and shit? Nice," Pete laughed.

I turned and glared at him, also wanting to shove the fork into his shoulder. He was so stupid.

"That was true. She was sweaty. But, hey, she was still really attractive - in a sixth grade way," Jack said, causing everyone at the table - but me - to burst into laughter. "I mean, dude, she had her shirt rolled up a bit, exposing her tan little tummy. And, jeez, she was so cute."

"Wow, Jack, shut up," I growled, glaring across the table at him.

"What? I can't recall how adorable that little blue shirt looked on you? And how amazing your legs looked in those shorts that - " He asked, innocently batting his eyes at me.

"Can I talk to you outside, Jack?" I snapped, throwing my napkin down on the table.

Alex looked concerned as he got out of the booth. As I started to walk to the door, Alex grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him, and whispered, "I'm really sorry, Rae. Don't hurt him too bad. I'll have Zack do that later."

"Thanks, Lex."

Jack followed me outside like a little puppy, "What's up, Rae?"

"Stop flirting with me in front of Pete. Okay, yesterday, you kissed me. Pete could've seen you. Today, you start by bringing up how you found me cute in sixth grade. Next you're gonna bring up how 'fun I am in bed'," I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"I'm sorry?"

"Ugh, Jack, just...just stop being you. I'm not yours anymore. What happened that night between us...it meant nothing to me. You were just a cheap, casual fuck that I needed to get out of my system," I said, letting everything just start to come out. It's like a dam just burst. I couldn't hold anything back any longer.

"So, you're saying I mean nothing to you?" He asked, looking a little hurt.

"Yes - I mean, no. I mean - Dammit, Jack. You do mean something to me. You just don't mean the same thing you did to me when we were in school. I've changed. I fell in love," I said softly.

"What do you mean you fell in love? Weren't you in love with me?" His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

God, I felt so bad. I wanted to rebuild that dam right now.

"Well...no. I wasn't, Jack. I was never in love with you, or Alex, or anyone for that matter. I was in some sort of dumb, teenage, lust with you. Our entire fucked up relationship was physical. We weren't, like, best friends like Pete and I are. You know, Pete's the first person I fell in love with. We're best friends. We love each other," I spilled. It felt kinda good to let all of this out to him. But at the same time, with the way he looked, I wanted to hit a rewind button and hold all of this in.

"Well, um...I...I'm just gonna, uh, I'm just gonna go eat..." He muttered, turning and going back into the restaurant. What the hell did I just do?

I groaned and kicked the potted plant next to the door. I yelped. That fucking hurt. Heels and potted plants don't go together.

Sighing, I turned and went back into the restaurant after receiving some weird looks from people leaving/arriving to the restaurant.

I awkwardly sat back in the booth, pressed between Pete and Alex, right across from Jack. Jack just shook his head and grabbed his plate as he got up and left the booth. I watched him go and sit next to Gabe two tables over from ours. His smile was weak as Gabe greeted him. He poked his fork at his eggs. I felt so goddamn bad.

"What happened?" Pete asked, looking and sounding genuinely concerned.

"I - I told him about Josh," I quickly lied, avoiding all eye contact. I did what Jack was doing - picking at the food on my plate. I poked the pancakes and watched as they soaked up the syrup that they were pushed in to.

"Oh."

***

"Spill," Vicky said as soon as she stepped into the dressing room. She took a seat on the table in front of me.

I set down my issue of AP next to me and stared at her. "What?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"What the hell is going on between you and Barakat? This morning was too weird," She said, getting up and sitting next to me. She threw my magazine on the table as she sat down.

"I was reading that..."

"I don't give. Tell me about what is with you and Jack. Now!" She said, smacking my arm.

"Jesus Christ, okay. I told him about his child that I lost. He got upset, and I always get upset when talking about Josh..." I whispered, lying straight through my teeth. I stared down at my hands and played with the rings on my fingers.

"Oh, that's it? I thought there'd be more to it than that with the way he was acting," She said softly, probably feeling bad about the way she'd acted.

"Yeah, I guess he really wanted to see Josh. Alex was the same way. Although, he cried. Jack didn't. Jack's never been one to cry, though," I began rambling. God dammit. I needed to not do that. Thank God I didn't see Vicky that much. If this was Jess sitting next to me, asking why Jack was acting the way he was, and I started rambling like this, she'd pick up on the lie quicker than I could snap my fingers.

"Aww, honey, I'm sorry!" She said, pulling me into a big hug. "I didn't mean to come off so, so...you know what I mean."

"It's fine, Vicky. I'm sure Jack and I will eventually talk again. I just don't know when," I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I stared blankly at the floor. I hoped we'd talk soon.

***

Jack's POV

"Alex, I don't fucking get it," I said, putting my head in my hands. I felt like complete shit. What Rae had said to me really fucking got to me. She never loved me? Then why the hell did she chase me around like that in high school? Why the hell did she tell me she loved me? It was all just a fucking lie.

"Jack, listen to me. She told me the same thing she told you, okay? Do you see me upset about it? No, you don't," Alex said, sitting down on the table across from me.

"I see you all over her, that's what I see, Alex," I spat, glaring at him.

"Excuse me? I'm just trying to get my best friend back, not my goddamn girlfriend. Unlike you, Jack, I respect the fuck outta her and Pete. They were meant for each other," He snapped right back at me, getting in my face.

I shoved him back and watched as he stumbled over the table. "Dammit, Alex, you fucking know that Rae and I were meant to be together! It was my fucking child, not yours, not Pete's. Mine!" I shouted.

"What?" He asked, getting up slowly, never once breaking eye contact with me.

"You heard me, Alex. Josh was mine. Rae lied to you. You were never going to be a dad. I fucking was."

He came and forced me down on the couch by the shoulders. Sighing, he took a seat next to me, "Jack, face it, you weren't going to be a dad. If Rae stayed, which she wouldn't have, I would've been stuck with raising that kid. Or, she would've given it away."

"Alex - "

"No, Jack. Also, just think about how if she did love you, and if she did stay, where you would be. You wouldn't be here today. You'd be back in Maryland. The band would've never taken off the way it did after she ran. I'd be struggling to support Rae and Josh, not writing songs. I wouldn't have any inspiration for my songs. You know over half of them are about her. It's good she never loved any of us the way she loves Pete," He explained, his voice barely ever going above a whisper.

He was right. I wouldn't be where I was right now. "But...wait...she was gonna go to Pete and hold him back from success?"

"No, Fall Out Boy was already on the rise. Pete had the money to help support her and a child. He was gonna buy a house in Chicago for them, until they got into a fight and she lost Josh," He said as if it was something I should've known already.

"How the hell do you know that?" I asked, laughing a bit.

He chuckled, "Pete explained this to me this morning while you and Rae were outside...uh, discussing your love life - or, lack of one."

"You're such a dick," I laughed, punching him in the arm.

"But you love me!" He exclaimed, rolling on top of me.

"Of course I do," I giggled, petting his hair lovingly. We were so fucking gay. But I honestly loved it.

"Oh, you two are having a moment. I'll just leave you be," A female voice said quickly, shutting the door as she left. I didn't catch a glimpse at her, but I'm pretty sure I knew who it was - Rae.

"She'll be back," Alex mumbled into my chest. "Three...two...one."

"Jack, I'm sorry!" Her voice echoed through the room. "Alex, get off of him. I need to hug him and tell him I'm sorry."

"No! My Jack!" He yelled, snuggling deeper into my chest. I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. "See, he likes me better."

"Dude, get off!" She whined, plopping down onto his back, adding more weight to my fucking body. My skinny body wasn't meant to hold this much weight! "Jack!"

"Rae!" I squeaked out. They both started laughing at my voice. God dammit. Why was it always cracking? "Guys, I can't breathe."

"Too bad," Alex answered.

Rae huffed and shoved Alex off of me, sending him straight to the floor. I laughed as he just laid there. Rae came and sat on my lap, cuddling into me and wrapping her arms around my neck. For someone who never loved me, she sure was acting pretty lovey.

"Hi, Jack. I'm really sorry about earlier. It's just...everyone and everything was getting on my nerves and, yeah," She mumbled, burying her face in the crook of my neck.

I giggled at the feel of her hot breath dance across my neck, "It's okay, Rae."

"Are you sure?" She asked softly, not picking up her head.

I had the strong urge to just kiss her and tell her everything was perfectly fine. Instead, I just wrapped my arms around her and laid my head on hers, "I'm positive."

"Promise?" She whispered, tracing her fingers along the flying pig design on my shirt.

"Promise," I replied, making little patterns on her back.