‹ Prequel: My Saving Grace
Status: INDEFINITE HIATUS

Four Years

18.

Rachel's POV

April 17th, 2009. Nokia - Dallas, TX.

Today was the seventeenth. I sighed and got out of the bed, careful not to wake Pete. I went over to the dresser and pulled out everything I put in there a few days ago. I stuffed them into my suitcases, occasionally glancing over my shoulder to see if Pete moved at all. If his foot twitched, I would stop and stare like a deer caught in the headlights.

I picked up my suitcase and left the room, going to put my stuff in the buses for later. I purchased my ticket to LA last night and scrambled to hide it from Pete. It was way more difficult than it seems.

"Rae?"

My eyes went wide as I stopped dead in my tracks. Motherfucker. I turned around slowly, "Hey, Jess. What the hell are you doing up?"

"I should be asking you that same thing, considering I heard you and Pete at four in the morning havi - "

"Shut up, okay?" I groaned, running my hand through my hair.

"What the hell bit you in the ass?" She smirked, stepping on the elevator with me. "Where the hell are you going, by the way?"

"Home. I can't handle being on tour with Jack anymore. He keeps like, trying to sleep with me. He's succeeded twice," I sighed, banging my head on the elevator wall. I couldn't believe I was telling Jess this. I couldn't believe I was actually going to run away from Jack Barakat for a second time in my life.

"What the fuck, no you are not!" She yelled, grabbing my bag out of my hands.

I yanked it back and glared at her, "Yes, I fucking am. I'm leaving at one fifteen."

"God dammit, Rae. Why? Why can't you stay and face your problems? Why do you have to run away from everything?" She exclaimed, waving her hands in the air like a madwoman. People stared as the elevator doors slid open. We stepped out and she was still screaming at me. I just decided to tune her out.

"Shut up, Jess. Just shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear it. It's my life. I'll run away from whoever whenever. Keep your mouth shut. Don't tell Patrick. Don't tell Joe. Don't tell Andy. Don't tell the merch guy filling in for Vinny tonight. Don't tell anyone," I growled, leaving the hotel angrily. She just stood there with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open.

***

I knocked on the dressing room door slowly, my hands shaking badly. I don't know why I was so afraid to tell Pete I was gonna leave tour to get my thoughts straight. I didn't want to stay on tour and just cheat on him anymore.

"Pete, can I come in?" I asked softly.

The door opened to reveal a happy, shirtless Pete. Dammit. This was going to be difficult. "Of course. Why would you even ask?" He smiled.

I forced a giant smile and walked into the room. I went and sat on the couch, playing with the rings on my fingers nervously. Pete noticed me fidgeting with my rings and such. He knew I only did this when I was upset and/or nervous. He came and sat next to me, asking, "What's wrong, babe?"

I sighed and looked at him right in the eyes. Bad fucking idea. I shook my head and looked down at my hands again. "I can't do this, Pete. I just can't."

"Can't do...what?" He asked slowly.

I looked back up at him, hurt rushing through my body at the sight of his beautiful hazel eyes, "I can't stay on this tour. I can't do it anymore. I - I can't be here anymore, Pete."

"What? Did I do something wrong? I'm so sorry for whatever I did, I swear. Please, don't leave me," He pleaded, looking scared. He was afraid of losing me.

"You're not losing me. I'm just...I'm just gonna go back home for awhile. I can't stay here. I can't be in the same place as Jack anymore. My feelings...I thought I could push those feelings away. I fucking can't, Pete. Let's face it, I still have feelings for Jack. I can't stand them. I want them gone, but, I just...if I stay any longer, I'm afraid I'll do something. I'll end up hurting us both, Pete," I said, my voice cracking and shaking in places. I was looking down at my feet and hands the whole time I spoke. I didn't want to see the look on his face. I was afraid of the look he'd be giving me. I'd want to stay. I'd never want to leave his side. But I had to. Before I hurt anyone. Before he found out that I actually did do something with Jack.

"Rachel, please, don't go. I need you. So much. I'll - "

I got up and walked to the door. "I'm sorry, Pete. I'll see you when you get home, okay?" I whispered, closing the door behind me as I walked out. I felt like I was walking out of his life. I wasn't. I was just leaving for awhile to get my head straight. I just had to keep telling myself that.

***

Pete's POV

I watched helplessly from my spot on the couch as she shut the door behind her. I wanted to get up and run after her, but I was frozen. I was stuck to the couch. My legs wouldn't work. Soon, my body started becoming numb.

How could she just get up and leave like that? No goodbye hug, kiss...not even a real goodbye. Just a "see you when you get home".

She left me. Even though she said she wasn't leaving me...I knew she was. She was leaving me for Jack. That fucking douchebag Jack.

I knew he'd been trying to get with her. He knew we were together. He didn't care. He still tried fucking sleeping with her. He didn't care about her feelings. All he cared about was a quick fuck. That's all he ever cared about with her.

The numbness quickly subsided. Now, rage was bubbling up inside of me. Rachel left because Jack pressured her. She wouldn't have left me if he hadn't have pushed her.

I stormed out of the room, going to find Jack. That motherfucker was gonna pay for what he did to me and Rachel.

I knew they had soundcheck at about this time, so I went to the stage. Sure enough, there they were. I stormed across the stage to Jack. He smiled at me and waved.

That fucking asshole was gonna get what he deserved. Sure he was 6'1 and I was 5'8, but I really didn't give a fuck.

I shoved him as I hard as I could. He stumbled back and hit his amp, dropping his guitar. The guitar's neck broke as it collided with the stage floor.

"What the fuck was that for, bro!?" Jack yelled, shoving me back.

"For Rachel leaving me!" I screamed, shoving him again. He tripped over his broken guitar and fell straight to the ground.

"She left you?" I heard Alex say from behind me.

"All because of this fucker right here," I seethed, balling up my fists.

Jack noticed and immediately back up, pleading, "Wait, bro, can't we just talk about this?"

"No, Jack, we fucking can't," I yelled, punching him right in the face. I kept swinging at him, letting out all my anger. Rae left me. Because of this fuck. He didn't respect her. He used her. He used her in high school, and was gonna use her again now. That wasn't gonna fucking happen. She wasn't a fucking toy. She was a beautiful person. Who deserved to be loved. Not used.

"Pete, stop it!" Jess screamed. Where the fuck did she come from?

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and drag me away from Jack. Alex picked Jack up and helped him over to the other side of the stage, far away from me. Fucking good.

"I want you off this tour!" I shouted, trying to get out of - I turned my head to see was holding me - Zack's grip. It was useless. He was too fucking strong.

"Wait, Pete, what? Off the tour?" Alex asked, staring at me in shock.

"I want you fucking gone!" I shouted, kicking blindly behind me. I needed to be released from his killer grip. "Get the fuck off of my tour!"

"Pete, this is not your tour. It's our tour. And, as much as I hate Jack right now, I want them on. I'm pretty sure Andy and Joe want them on this tour as well," Patrick said, appearing out of thin air. He grabbed my face to make me look at him. I stared in his green eyes. His pretty green eyes...

"Pete, you can't kick them off tour all because Rae left. She left tour, not you. You have to understand that. Yes, Jack drove her to leave. No, you do not need to beat the shit out of him to make things better. Fighting solves nothing. Please, just...go to the bus and write, okay? Let it all out on paper, not on Jack," Patrick said softly. He was the voice of reason. He knew how to calm me down. That's why he was my best friend.

I nodded slowly, still staring at him. He was right. As soon as Zack let me go, I would head straight for the bus.

"Zack, let him go," Patrick sighed.

Zack's grip on me loosened. I shrugged his arms off of me and walked straight ahead. Jack was sitting on the ground, holding a towel over his nose. Did I break that? I hope I fucking did.

He flinched as I walked by. I smirked. Good. He better be afraid of me.

"If you ever get near Rachel again, I will fucking kill you," I growled.

*

I groaned loudly and deleted everything I just wrote. I was trying to write a new song, poem, something, anything, but nothing was sounding right. I hated everything I wrote. It all sounded like complete shit.

Maybe I was trying too hard to make something sound poetic or memorable. Maybe all I needed to do was just not try.

"early morning you sneak in. i love your face on my skin. you tried to make me the softest. the paradox of it all is you take what hurts the most and make it so much worse. but if it were up to me- youd never leave me be. sometimes i think i need you more than i should. i hope we never end. even when the storm begins. you make me glow brighter than the biggest city. truefuckinglove."

Tears rolled down my face and dripped down onto the laptop. I clicked submit, sending what I just wrote to my blog. I hoped Rae would see this. Maybe she would come back.

"Pete, we gotta go get ready to get on stage," Andy's soft voice floated through the bus to my bunk.

Wow, it had been that long already? It seemed like only five minutes ago I was beating the shit out of Jack. Three hours really passed? I pulled the curtain back and poked my head out, "I can't do it, Andy."

"Yes you can, Pete. Do it for Rae," He sighed, begging me to come out of this dark tomb of a bunk.

I dragged myself out of my bunk and pulled on a hoodie, following Andy to the venue to get ready for the show I was dreading.
♠ ♠ ♠
lalalaaaaaaaaaaaa. ello.

it's 4am. i'm tired. so pardon me if some of this is shit.

yeah. keepin' this authors note short. i wrote pete's blog post using lyrics from black cards' song paradox and some bits from his old blog posts, only i edited them a bit. bleh. original much~

thank you & i love you!
jaaaas
rivals are insane
gcchic7484
Hell's.Angel

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