Four Years

Rachel's POV

Today had been one hell of a day. I watched from the side of the stage as All Time Low played. It was weird as fuck earlier at lunch when Alex walked in. Jack called him over to sit with us and I immediately felt awkward. I had Brendon sit next to me, and Pete sit across from me. My mom sat on the other side while Pete's parents sat on either side of him. I made sure there was a barrier between Alex and I.

Jack tried making us talk, but it just wasn't happening. I couldn't let it happen. Brendon was suspicious. And he had every reason to be. I had a feeling that I would be explaining myself to Brendon tonight during Cobra's set. I didn't want to explain anything to Brendon. I just wanted to block it all out of my mind.

But, of course, that's not how my life works at all. Whoever is in control of my life just likes to bring up my mistakes and toss them right back in my face.

A tap on my shoulder startled me out of my thoughts. I turned halfway around and saw Brendon standing there with that stupid fucking look on his face. Fucking Brendon.

He grabbed my hand and led me back to an empty dressing room. He locked the door behind us and told me to sit. I did as I was told and sat. He stood at the door, his arms folded across his chest, "What happened?"

"Um, what do you mean what happened?" I asked, staring directly at him. Hopefully this tactic would work and he'd think nothing happened. Didn't work.

"What the hell happened between you and Alex? Why should he feel sorry?" He asked, coming over and sitting next to me. "You can't tell me nothing happened because the air between you two is so fucking awkward, I can taste it."

"You can taste awkward?" I thought aloud, cocking my head to the side. I grinned a bit, causing Brendon's painfully straight mouth to turn into a happy little curve.

"Rachel, come on. Just tell me. You know I won't go tell Pete," He said softly, his happy little curved smile still on his face. Oh, how could I resist that face?

I cracked. It was the smile. "Dammit, Brendon. Alex and I slept together," I sighed, getting up off the couch. I walked over to the door, shaking my head. I wanted to run out and leave. I was going to run out and leave. I didn't want to see the look on Brendon's face. I didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. I didn't want to deal with any of this.

"You back away from that door right now," He said sternly. That scared me. Brendon was rarely...stern? "Get over here."

I sighed, hung my head, and turned back around, dragging my pathetic self back over to the couch. I huffed and plopped down next to him. I grabbed a pillow and tried smothering myself. It was working until Brendon had to go and grab the pillow out of my hands and off my face.

"Hey, look at me," He said, this time his voice was much softer. Weird. I glanced up at him. Yep. There was the disappointment I didn't want to see. Fucking disappointment. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"I don't know," I whined, trying to grab the pillow out of his hands for a second attempt at smothering myself. He held it behind him. I dove across him, desperately trying to get that damn pillow. He shoved me away. He literally had his hand on my face and shoved me away. What a douchebag.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, deciding to tell him the truth, "Alright, fine. He said he wanted sympathy in the form of crawling into bed with him. And, I just wanted my friendship with Alex back. And...Christ, I know I messed up, Bren. You don't need to tell me. But, you do need to give me that pillow so I can kill myself."

"He really quoted Dance, Dance? And you really fucking fell for it? Holy shit," He breathed out, shaking his head in that fucking disappointment. I really just wanted to die right now. He was making my guilt rise even higher. Earlier, my guilt was sitting in my stomach. Now, my guilt was threatening to choke me. It was rising higher and higher up my throat. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Rae, I don't get it. Why don't you just say no? Why do you let this shit happen? It doesn't make sense. You say you love Pete, then you go behind his back like this? I just don't fucking get it," He ranted, his voice growing harsher and harsher with each word that dripped off his tongue. I could feel the venom attached to each, too.

I sat there in silence, my head facing down towards my shoes. I felt like a child being lectured by a parent.

"God, I have half a mind to just beat the shit out of - "

"Me?" I squeaked, looking up at him.

"Alex, Rachel. He fucking took advantage of you. You know, I thought I joined this tour to watch Jack, not Alex. Or, is it both? What am I even watching out for? You just go behind my back anyways," He spat, throwing his arms up in the air. He got up off the couch and began pacing around the room. "Like, what the hell is the point of me being here if you're just gonna go ahead and sleep with everyone? Hmm?"

"What the fuck? I'm not sleeping with everyone!" I screamed, finally getting fed up with the bullshit that was spewing out of his fucking mouth.

"Oh, you're not? You're not sleeping with everyone?" He laughed bitterly, stopping in his tracks. He stared at me with a stupid little grin on his face. That was a mocking grin. He was making fun of me. "Let's count who you've slept with, shall we?"

"Just shut up, Brendon! Shut up!" I screamed again, feeling my voice practically blow out. Oh, God. That fucking hurt my throat. "Just, stop it. I know I fucking messed up. You don't need to fucking remind me."

"Oh, I don't? Who the fuck is going to remind you, then? Who's going to bring it up and make you feel bad about it? Your conscience seems to be broken, out on vacation, whatever it may be, it's not in there. So, here I am. I'm your fucking conscience," He snapped, pointing to himself. His face was red, and I could see the veins in his forehead and neck sorta popping out. "I'm your fucking voice of reason. If it weren't for me, you'd probably...I don't know, anymore. I'm done trying to fix you."

The tears were welling up in my eyes. I was staring at him through blurry eyes. One tear fell over and rolled down my cheek. I didn't bother wiping it away.

"Now, you're going to listen to me. I'm going to leave if you mess up one more time. I can't do this. I've got other things to worry about. I've got to prep for the Blink tour this summer. You either make the rest of the tour flawless, or I'm leaving," He said with little to no emotion apparent in voice. "Do you understand?"

I broke down. I literally fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands. I felt so fucking bad about all of this. I wanted to die so badly right now.

I felt Brendon's hand on my back. I looked up a bit and saw him kneeling down by me. I quickly wrapped my arms around him and started crying into his chest.

"I'm so-so-sorry, Brendon," I sobbed, holding him even tighter to me. "Pleas-Pl-Please don-don't lea-le-leave m-me."

"I won't. I'll be right here whenever you need me," He whispered, petting my hair softly.

***

"Hey, where were you?" Pete asked as I walked over to him.

I wordlessly wrapped my arms around him. He slowly wrapped his arms around my waist, barely touching me. I pulled away just a tiny bit and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you," I whispered.

"Hey, Pete, c'mon, dude," Joe said softly, lightly touching Pete on the shoulder.

"I-I love you, too," Pete said, kissing me before grabbing his bass and running off on stage. I watched as his lips tugged into a smile upon seeing the crowd.

"Hey," A male voice said behind me. I knew that voice. I turned around and saw Alex standing there, his hands shoved into his pants pockets. He had a crooked grin on his face. I wanted to smack it off. "Uh - "

"Don't talk to me," I muttered, turning back around to watch Pete play his heart out. I found myself mouthing the words to the song.

"Rae, I - " He began. I turned back around, ready to chew his fucking head off.

"She said don't talk to her," Brendon said through clenched teeth. He was standing right behind Alex. "Now, if she doesn't want to be talked to, I think you should respect that and leave her alone."

"She can talk for herself, can't she?" Alex asked, a little venom coming off in his words. Oh, God, not now. Not while the parents were here. No. I wasn't going to let this happen. Not in Chicago. Not in the city that's always been so good to me. This wasn't Maryland. I wasn't going to let anything bad happen.

"Whoa, you two, break it up," I said, standing between the two. I turned and faced Brendon, placing a hand on his chest to hold him back just a bit.

"C'mon, Rae, don't defend him," He growled, staring at Alex. Well, it was more of a glare. Fucking glare.

"No, Bren, not now. This is Fall Out Boy's night. Their parents are here. Christ, my mom is here. Don't cause a scene," I whispered in his ear.

He took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly, then turned and walked over to Gabe, striking up a conversation with him.

I let out a sigh of relief, then turned back around. I had forgotten about this problem. "Alex, Alex, Alex, when will you realize you mean nothing to me?"

"Excuse me?" He breathed out, staring at me with his big, brown eyes.

"You were nothing more than a casual fuck," I shrugged, walking back over to the side of the stage. Pete glanced over and smiled at me. I smiled back and waved.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and decided to check Twitter. I scrolled through the tweets, quickly becoming bored. No one tweeted anything interesting. The only thing remotely interesting was Gabe tweeting about how fucked up he was gonna get tonight.

"So, this song is about finding that special someone, and, how, uh, we will never part, til the day we fucking die," Pete explained, ripping my attention away from my small Blackberry in my hands.

I felt a little smile tug at my lips. I knew what was coming next.

"And, I just wanna say, Patrick, here, has found that special someone. He proposed to his girlfriend of eight years earlier today," He smiled, causing the crowd to go insane. There was cheering and screaming and mass chaos going on out in that crowd. "Jess, get the fuck out here!"

Jess stood there, wide eyed. She looked absolutely terrified. I giggled and linked arms with her, literally having to drag her ass on to the stage. I dragged her over to Patrick. She just stood there, staring at him with wide eyes. Her face hadn't changed at all.

"What're you waiting for? Kiss her! Kiss her!" Pete started a chant. He started a fucking chant. The crowd went insane, chanting for Patrick to kiss his beautiful fiancé.

Joe soon joined in and started chanting. This was insane. I was standing there, holding on to Jess' arm. She was shaking. She was worse than me when it came to being on stage.

They finally leaned in and kissed each other. It was a simple, sweet kiss on the lips. It made my heart melt. I wanted to run over and kiss Pete, but I wasn't going to. This was Patrick and Jess' night.

The crowd cheered and Jess looked out at them, giving them a sheepish smile. God, she looked so embarrassed. She was gonna rip Pete a new one later.

I escorted her back to the side of the stage. But, not before giving Pete a little tap on the ass. He turned and winked at me. I giggled, shaking my head.

"Last year's wishes are this year's apologies. Every last time I come home, I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two. I only keep myself this sick in the head, 'cause I know how the words get you off," Patrick dove right into I'm Like A Lawyer. He glanced at Jess, smiling as he sang.

"I'm going to kill your fucking boyfriend," Jess said as she smiled back at Patrick.

"I know," I laughed. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the internet again. Why was everything so boring? Shit, man.

Just as I looked up, Alex came over, grabbed my arm, and dragged me back into a dressing room. What the actual fuck?

"What do you mean I mean nothing to you?" He asked, shutting the door behind him.

I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face and leave, and let Brendon finish him. Fuck, that's what I should be doing.

My phone came out of my back pocket for the thousandth time that night. I was scrolling through my contacts for Brendon, when Alex yanked the phone out of my hand. He shoved it in his back pocket and made me look at him.

Yes, made. He grabbed my face and made me look at him. I smacked him hard across the face. He shouldn't have fucking done that.

"Look, Alex, as I have fucking told you - I never loved you, and I never fucking will. Guys like you are so fucking overrated," I growled through gritted teeth.

"Your boyfriend's overrated?" He smirked.

"What?"

"I'm just like fucking Pete. I write songs, I'm in a band, Jesus fucking Christ, how stupid are you?" He laughed.

"While you may be in a band and have thousands of preteen girls chasing after your dick, you're still a fucking douchebag. Pete's not a douchebag," I replied, getting right in his fucking face. "Unlike you, he cares about his girlfriend."

He just stood there, staring at me, his mouth slightly open. He wanted to say something, he just didn't know what. He didn't know whether to rip my head of or just leave without saying anything.

"We're done here. Give me my fucking phone. Now," I said, holding out my hand for my phone.

He wordlessly placed the phone in the palm of my hand, still looking at me with that dumb look on his face. Good, I hope it hit a nerve. I hope I hit something in him.

With my phone in hand, I stormed out of the dressing room. Brendon was at the end of the hall, most likely looking for me. He ran up to me as soon as he spotted me.

"Where the fuck did you go?" He asked, sounding like a worried parent. It was kinda cute how worried he was. Glad someone was worried about me.

"Alex dragged me to the dressing room to talk," I muttered, walking back to the stage. "Don't worry, nothing happened. But I still want you to beat the fucking shit out of him. He's pissing me off, Bren."

"Well, what'd he say?" He pressed, wanting more out of me. I didn't know if I wanted to give him anymore. I mean, I think he had enough information to go on.

I sighed and stopped, "Look, I told him he meant nothing to me and he dragged me back here. I called him overrated, then he said something like 'well Pete's overrated', and I said at least Pete cares about his girlfriend. That was the end of that."

Brendon was silent for a moment. He then quickly grabbed me and hugged the shit out of me. He was squeezing so fucking tight. "I am so proud of you. You stood up to him," He whispered.

"Yeah, I did," I giggled, hugging him back. I laid my head in the crook of his neck, enjoying this moment. It felt good to have someone proud of me.

"C'mon, let's go watch Fall Out Boy. Jack's playing bass tonight during Saturday," Bren smiled as he pulled away.

"Oooh, yay," I grinned, linking my arm with his. We skipped - and yes, I do mean skipped - back to the stage. I was so glad Brendon was on this tour.