Four Years

Rachel's POV

Tuesday May 19th, 2009. 8:32AM.

The doorbell was ringing. It was only eight thirty in the goddamn morning on a goddamn Tuesday. Whoever it was was going to get it.

I put on my best angry, "I'm going to stab you" face and answered the door, ready to chew the fuckers head off.

"Look, I don't fucking want whatever you're sel - " I immediately stopped and froze, my eyes widening just a bit.

Alex was standing there, clutching a duffel bag tightly in his hands, a tiny grin adorning his face. "Hey, Rae..." He said slowly, that damn grin growing wider.

Why was he at my house? Well...technically it was Pete's house. He paid for it and whatnot. I just lived here. I was getting ready to move back in with my mom. Pete was supposed to come back home Thursday.

I finally snapped out of my daze and slammed the door on him. I sighed, turning to walk back into the kitchen to get some damn Tylenol for the growing headache when the doorbell rang again.

"Go away, fucker!" I yelled, going through the medicine cabinet. Yes, Pete and I had a medicine cabinet in the kitchen. It was the little cabinets above the sink. Held everything we needed. I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and popped the cap open.

"We need to talk," Alex's voice came from the hallway, startling me. I dropped the bottle of Tylenol, the pills spilling everywhere. He fucking walked on in like that? Who the fuck does that!? "Oh, uh...shit. Sorry!"

"Help me pick them up," I growled, bending down to get the tiny white pills that scattered around the kitchen floor. He ran over and did as he was told, gathering the tiny pills in his hands. He took the bottle from me and put them in there. I ran a hand through my hair. "What the fuck are you doing here, Alex?"

"I said we need to talk," He said, handing me two pills before shutting the cap and setting the bottle on the counter. "And, no, I couldn't have called because you would not have picked up. Face to face is the only way I can assure you that I am sorry as fuck."

"I don't think that's necessarily true," I muttered, popping the pills into my mouth. I opened the bottle of JD that was sitting on the counter behind me and drank some straight from the bottle to wash down the pills.

"That is not a good idea, Rae," Alex warned, snatching the bottle out of my hands. "God, have you been doing this all week? You're fucking falling apart!"

"Alex, I'm twenty-one goddamn years old. I can do whatever the fuck I want!" I yelled, grabbing the bottle out of his hands. I shot him a glare before drinking more. "It's not like you give a fuck anyway."

"I don't give a fuck? Rachel Marie Woods, I came all the way to LA just to fucking apologize for what I did to you! Do not tell me I don't give a fuck," He stated sternly, pointing a finger at me.

I swatted the finger out of my face, "God, shut up, Alex. You're just here to try to sleep with me. I'm not gonna do that, you fucktard. So you can get the fuck out of my house!"

"Excuse me? I am not here to sleep with you! I fucking told you what I'm here for!" He yelled, frustration showing on his face. Okay, so maybe he wasn't here to sleep with me. "I just wanna talk. I wanna say I'm sorry. I want you to see how sorry I am."

"How the fuck am I supposed to see how sorry you are?" I asked, glaring at him. Was I being a harsh bitch? I didn't give a fuck. This boy destroyed my relationship with Pete. That fucker...

"I...uh, I wrote a couple songs...and, I even talked to Pete. We actually had a nice talk in the bathroom and...on the way to the hospital," He said softly, taking a seat on the floor.

My jaw dropped a bit, "Pete...hospital...what?"

"Nothing serious. He just punched a mirror and his knuckles got all bloody and shit. I took him to the hospital. We talked there, too," He shrugged as if it was nothing big. It was something big, though. He pat the floor next to him, telling me to sit down.

I sighed and did as he requested. I sat opposite him instead of next to him like he wanted though. "Tell me why Pete punched the mirror," I said, staring him straight in the eyes. I felt like I was staring into his soul.

"Oh, you," He immediately responded, nodding a bit. Well, that made me feel fantastic. "He's really fucking torn up over the fact you won't tell him you love him."

"What?" I asked, a little shocked.

"Yeah...it's kinda sad seeing him in that state. You know...crying in a bathroom with blood dripping down his hand like that. I apologized to him. We talked. He said you were going back home? Where is home? Isn't home where Pete is?" Alex asked softly, glancing up at me with soft brown eyes. "I reassured him that you still loved him. I'm trying to fix this. Please, help. Forgive me and Pete."

"God, it sounds like you two cheated on me with each other," I laughed weakly, shaking my head. "Is he okay?"

"No...not really. I mean, he's doing better since we talked. But, he's still pretty...upset? Yeah, I guess upset is the right word," He sighed, leaning against the cabinets.

"Oh," Was all I could say.

"Yup. I'm sorry I did what I did. I talked to Brendon while I was waiting for Pete to get all bandaged up and shit. He's cool..er than he was. I smoothed things over a bit with Jess. She still kinda wants to kill me, but only a little bit. Patrick, Joe, and Andy...they're okay. And, uh, everyone else is all good," He explained softly, playing with the ring on his right hand. I recognized that ring. Junior year.

Mine was on my necklace that was tucked inside my shirt.

"You're wearing your ring," I pointed out, my voice cracking a bit.

He looked up at me and gave a weak, halfhearted smile, "Yeah. I found it in my suitcase the other day. It's been in there forever."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. I took it off after you ran, then when I started going on tour, I started wearing it again. I stopped wearing it...damn, which tour was it? I think it was the AP tour. Yeah, I stopped wearing it that tour. I tucked it inside that suitcase," He sighed, a sad smile on his face. "It's funny, you know, how many memories this thing holds."

I reached up and pulled the necklace out from under my shirt. I held the small ring attached to the chain around my neck. "Yeah, this holds a lot too. I found it in my room when I got back to LA. Well, actually, Bren found it under the bed," I laughed a bit, remembering it. "I dropped a bottle of water and it rolled under the bed. Brendon said he'd get it, and found this. He asked if Pete gave it to me. I said no, you did. He just frowned and left to go get my other suitcase."

"So, we started wearing them again at the same time, huh?" He asked with what looked like an amused smile adorning his face.

I couldn't help but to grin a bit, "I guess we did. Weird."

"Weird," He repeated, nodding slowly. "So, I'm gonna say this again - I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I felt fucking horrible. I still do, y'know, seeing Pete and you in this kind of pain. Knowing I caused this pain absolutely kills me inside. I'm trying to fix things. I really, really am."

"Why did you do it? Why did you post that picture and tell Pete that...that lie?"

"I love you," He spoke softly, looking straight at me. "That's why. I wanted you for myself. I wanted that perfect relationship you had with Pete. I wanted you so badly. Fuck, I still want you. I can't have you though. You and Pete obviously belong together. You make each other happy as hell. I accepted that fact when I was locked away in my hotel room one night. I'm sucking it up and moving on with my life. I'm going to move past you. No matter how hard I hurt, I'm moving on."

"Alex - "

"If you love someone, you should set them free. If you're happy, I'm happy. Please call Pete, get back together, be happy. For me?"

I just sat there in complete shock. I knew Alex loved me. I knew all of that. But he was letting me go. Just like that. That...that took a lot of strength. I felt like crying.

Shit, I was crying. A couple tears fell down my cheek, and I was quick to wipe them away.

"Rae, are you - are you crying? Don't cry! It's okay," Alex said quickly, scooting across the kitchen floor to hug me. I wrapped my arms around him and cried on his shoulder. "I've suppressed feelings for you for four years. I can do it again."

"Shut up, Alex. You're making me cry even more," I laughed lightly, slapping the back of his head softly. "You're amazing."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"Yes," I nodded, squeezing him tighter. "Reach up on that counter and get the phone."

***

It was three in the afternoon. Alex and I were still on the kitchen floor, talking and waiting.

"Really, Alex, I'm hungry," I groaned, slumping over. My stomach growled and I pet it softly, shushing it. "See. Hungry Rachel is hungry."

"Well...we could go get food and risk missing the greatest homecoming ever. Or, we could order pizza," He wiggled his eyebrows after suggesting pizza. He wanted pizza. I could just tell.

I grinned, "Okay, we'll order pizza. But that means one of us has to get up to get the door when it gets here."

He scrunched up his face, "Ugh. Why is everything so complicated? We could just...tell the dude to come on in and leave it on the counter?"

"Seriously?" I laughed, kicking him slightly with my foot. I felt like I was in high school again. Alex and I used to sit on the floor and waste entire Saturdays like this. Pete and I did it a lot too.

I decided that Alex and Pete were similar in so many ways. They were both charming, funny, cute. They both knew me like the back of their hand. They knew what pissed me off and what made me piss my pants. They both knew that I didn't like being alone.

"Jack and I did it once," He grinned, breaking my thoughts. "We were drunk as hell. Rian was at Kara's. Lisa and I weren't together at the time. So it was just me and Jack. Neither one of us wanted to...or, no, we couldn't get off the damn couch. We just told the dude to come on in. He did. He ended up eating pizza with us."

I laughed loudly, "You're kidding. That's so insane."

"It's not insane! It's genius!"

Another thing. They were both insanely stupid.

What made me feel so different about them, then? I just looked at Alex as a friend, nothing more, nothing less. He complicated things with us when he asked me out. Well, he asked me to prom, but that snowballed into us going out. He had his quirks that I didn't like at all. He drank and partied way too much. He always had. Alex never let me what he wrote. I think, at the time, he felt insecure about it all. When I was upset, he didn't know what to do. So he just sat there.

Pete didn't drink that much. He wrote me little poems. He comforted me when I was upset. He was the only constant thing in my life. He understood me.

Alex didn't understand some things about me. Like, I would open up and tell him something that he had never gone through. He would tell me to come to the party someone was throwing. He told me that it would take my mind off of things.

Pete showed me the world.

Okay, that was unfair. Alex couldn't have shown me the world because we were still in high school. So, scratch that one out.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked, shattering my thoughts once again.

I snapped out of my daze and looked at him, "Nothing. Call for pizza. I don't feel like moving."

"Slide me the phone, baby girl," He said, pointing to the phone by my feet. "Are you excited for later?"

"Yeah," I smiled, kicking the phone over to him. "Thank you so much, Alex. For...fixing everything. Even though you destroyed it all, you helped pick up the pieces."

"Well, you know, what can I say? I'm just that amazing," He laughed, picking the phone up off the floor. I could still see the pain behind his eyes. This had to be so hard for him. Just remaining friends with someone even though you were in love with them.

I could only imagine that feeling. It sucked just imagining it. I wouldn't want to feel it.

"Wait, we have a slight flaw in our plan. I have no idea where to get pizza from. And if I did, I don't know their number," He said, setting the phone down on his knee.

I groaned and rolled onto my stomach, "Everything is so damn complicated!"

"That's what I said!" He whined, throwing himself onto his stomach next to me. "Should we just get up?"

"I don't wanna get back to life. I just wanna sit on the floor all day with you," I admitted, smiling over at him. "Reminds me of high school. Freshman and sophomore year."

"Ahh, yes, the good old days. I'd like to stay on the floor with you too," He grinned, resting an arm across my back. He slide me over to him and planted a sloppy kiss on the side of my head. "You know, I still consider you my best friend."

"Seriously? Even after I did what I did to you? And vice versa?"

"Mhmm. Don't tell Jack, though. He's a jealous bastard."

I mirrored the grin on his face, and draped an arm across his back, "I won't tell him."

"Good, good. Hey, you know what we can do?"

"What?"

"I dunno. I was hoping you'd suggest something," He laughed, causing me to roll my eyes and giggle. "God, the floor is nice and cool."

"Isn't it just? I've spent days down here, just thinking," I thought aloud. "Seriously, there's something about the floor that just makes me think. I lay here and I stare at the ceiling and think."

"What've you thought about?" He asked softly.

"Life, Pete, tour, you..." I admitted sheepishly. "Honestly, I thought a lot about you guys. I wondered where you were and what you were doing constantly. I broke up with Pete once just because I didn't like being in the spotlight. I thought you guys would pick up a magazine, or go online and just see me with Pete. It was weird."

"Weird. I thought about where you were and what you were doing constantly, too. I always pictured you with a kid. I was way off," He chuckled. His stomach rumbled and we both looked down towards it. "Well, that was awkward. Let's go get some food."

"But I don't wanna get up!"

Suddenly, I heard the front door click open. Alex and I locked eyes. We both scrambled to our feet, running to the hallway.

And there he was, shutting the door behind him, his suitcases in the hallway in front of him.

"Pete," I breathed out, running to him. He caught me in his open arms. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him so close to me. His arms wrapped around my waist. He ended up picking me up. Totally cliche. It was cute.

He set me down and pressed his lips to mine softly. All of the worries and fights and evil things in our relationship flooded out of my mind and the house the moment our lips met.

We pulled apart.

I rested my forehead against his. Our noses were touching. Our lips were only centimeters apart. His hands were on my hips. My arms were around his neck. The world didn't exist. Only Pete and I did.

"I love you," I said after a moment of silence.

Pete stopped breathing, I could hear it. He captured my lips in a kiss. His hands moved from my hips to cup my face as we stood there, kissing.

He pulled away, rubbing my face lightly with his thumb, "God, I love you, too. I'm so sorry. I fucking love you."