Just Come Running

“I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back in a few days. Eat something?” Max sighed, leaning against my doorframe.

“Fuck you,” I spat back.

Max rolled his eyes before leaving my bedroom. Yeah, Max and I aren’t on the best of terms right now. It probably has something to do with how he spent all of Christmas Day criticising me about messing up my relationship with Andrew. I know I messed up, Max! I don’t need you telling me that! And it didn’t help that I found a sweetly-written Christmas card from Andrew from last year under my bed just after Max criticised me. Fuck this.

And do you know what the cherry on top of my cake-of-crap is? Erin and Chloe left town. As soon as Chloe graduated and turned 18, they packed up all their stuff and moved to New York. Something about Chloe’s father being a complete twat. I don’t know. Erin left me a fucking letter to tell me all of this, not even waiting to tell me in person. So much for friendship.

But yeah, basically I’m completely on my own this Winter break. Completely and utterly alone apart from Max’s visits, which aren’t all that fucking fun anyway. Without Andrew, I really have no-one I particularly want to talk to. I would ask Lee to come and stay for the holiday, but he’s staying around Hayley’s, and I don’t want to party all the time, so inviting both of them is a no-go. Fuck this.

All I have are the memories of Andrew and I running about in my head. Us laughing. Us arguing. Us fucking. Us making love. Us just spending time in each other’s company. And I can’t escape it. I have no other distraction. All I can think about is Andrew and it’s driving me crazy. Why can’t I have a fucking break for once?!

I need to get out of this madhouse. If I don’t, I know I’ll go insane. Fuck Erin and Chloe for leaving alone to deal with all of this bullshit. I grabbed my cellphone and cigarettes off my bedside table before shoving on a pair of shoes and my winter parka. It’s fucking freezing outside, I don’t want to freeze. Jogging downstairs, I saw my mom and dad sitting in the living room, each reading a magazine. How productive.

“I’m going for a walk. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” I muttered.

My mother nodded absentmindedly. My dad didn’t even respond. Great. With a scowl I grabbed my house keys off the side and walked out the front door, slamming it behind me. Fuck them. I immediately lit up a cigarette and took a drag before starting to walk down the road away from my house, heading for the city. It only took me half an hour to reach the small city, but I’d calmed down a lot by the time I got there, which is always good. I stopped to light another cigarette, not raising my head until I’d taken a deep drag.

Then I froze as a familiar person came into my eyeline. Andrew. Fuck, he looks good. Well, he’s coming out of a gym, of course he looks good. Skin lightly flushed with endorphins, a big smile on his lips, his hair slightly damp with sweat…he looks good. Like our break-up isn’t affecting him anymore. That’s…good. I should call him. Just to catch up, especially now I know he’s home for the winter too. What’s one phone call? It couldn’t hurt, right?

Then something made me scowl. A guy came out of the gym and walked straight over to Andrew, making Andrew smile even more. He’s…he’s got a new guy in his life. How could I be so stupid? Of course Andrew’s met someone new. I wouldn’t expect him not too. He’s beautiful, inside and out. Fuck. This doesn’t stop me from hating the new guy though. Deep blood-boiling hate that makes me want to rip his fucking head off.

But this new guy…he looks a bit older. His Aunt’s age even. Maybe one of his Aunt’s friends? Fuck, he’s gorgeous. Broad shoulders, shortish light brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin, chiselled cheekbones…and his body is ripped. Fuck, this guy is the complete opposite of me. Is that why Andrew went for him? Because he’s nothing like me? Because he won’t remind Andrew of me? Fuck, I hate this. I hate that just seeing him with another guy is making me feel like this. It isn’t fair. Then again, at least I know now what I have to do.

If Andrew is going to move on, so will I.