We Change, We Wait

I didn’t live that far from down town Phoenix, so I took the time and walked to the neighbourhood, that for ten long years had been my home, which I shared with no one but myself. I was surprised that I hadn’t gone completely mad, always in the quiet no one to talk to, but the soft mumblings I said to myself. Yes. I have completely lost the plot. This is the first time I’ve been home in months, it felt almost weird when I walked through my front door, nothing felt right anymore. I plopped down on the couch, leaning my head to rest on the back cushions, looking up at the pale white ceiling that was staring at me back. How did I let it come to this? How did the great John Cornelius O’Callaghan V end up so alone, so broken, so completely destroyed.

Looking in the mirror, I no longer recognised the person in the reflection. The once emerald green eyes, had faded. The dark circles that surround my eyes, that make me look as though I should be dead, that also added to my age. My once sun kissed skin, was now pale as a sheet. Who was the stranger that was looking back at me? It wasn’t me, not the person I was suppose to be. I should be with my family, I should be healthy, happy and have the one girl still madly in love with me, as I am still with her. I just wanted to hold her in my arms, I wanted her to help me get through this stage, I wanted to see my son. I wanted to be in a family before it’s too late. I could feel the anger boiling in my blood, then my fuse blew. The next second my fist collided with the mirror In front me, shattering to the sink. The pain in my right hand was excruciating, the blood dribbled in to the sink, blobbing on the mirror pieces, staining over the white. I needed help. I grabbed a towel from the side of the sink, before wrapping it around my hand, I needed to find Chris, I needed to explain. I needed her help.

The Arizona heat gazed over my back, burning every part of skin that was on show, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that it hurt, I didn’t care what the consequences were going to be, I just needed to get to Chris. At this point, I had no idea where I was, the houses all looked familiar, but I just couldn’t think, then I saw it. Chris’ home, our old home that we used to share. I wasn’t sure if she still lived there, wasn’t sure if she was still with Kennedy, if they were together in the first place. I didn’t hesitate when I stumbled up the porch stairs and rang the door bell. It all seemed to happen so fast, the door open softly, revealing the boy I had missed so much.

“John?” I whispered, before everything went dizzy and all I could see was black.

I never did feel my body collide with the floor.