The Aftermath

We ended up all mostly sleeping on the roof in heavy bundles of blankets. One thing about a zombie apocalypse that could absolutely captivate a person was the sky. With all the light pollution not eating away at it, it was glittering snow globe shining above. Every time it shook, something more amazing than the last was felt.

I nestled my head back into my hands as I lay on my back. Lion, my dad, and Uncle Trevor could be heard whispering a few feet away in the night’s sleep.

“But do you really think it could be what you’re theorizing?” My father whispered.

“I don’t know. It’s a slim theory, but the strains that Rodney told me about seem pretty reliable. You should possibly tell her.” Lion responded.

“No.” My uncle interrupted. “We’re not telling her. Things are just getting completely insane and you want to drop this load on her? She’ll crack under pressure.”

“Well then it’ll make her no different than my son. Wouldn’t you rather have them survive then us? We’re old. We’ve done all that we can do. They have the world’s possibilities. They can stop this entire virus.”

Uncle Trevor chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’re getting soft now, Lion? What is you’re not telling us?”

My mind went to the mention of the sickness in the car. I just looked up at all the universe’s constellations. Lion sighed.

“Nothing is up. I’m not hiding anything. I’m just saying that our purpose has burned up. Look at how Rodney’s leading this trip, we’re just accessories in the big scheme of things.”

“No.” Uncle Trevor said. “I refuse to believe that.”

A long silence followed. I wondered why I was listening so closely. People were whispering all around and I just happened to have zeroed in on these voices that I knew.

“What’s going through your mind?” Lion asked someone.

Someone exhaled deeply and just breathed.

“I guess I just can’t imagine a world without my daughter, even if I’m dead. It already killed me to be away from her for so long.”

“Why say something like that? We’re going to make it.”

My father must not have bought his brother’s words.

“Then why are talking about this? Why are there mostly young people in this group? Why aren’t there more adults?”

“That’s a question you have to ask them.”

I turned to my other side and nestled my cheek into my hands. Cece and Kyle were a few meters away, sleeping soundly next to each other and almost cuddled. They seemed to find peace in one another so easily. Ryant slept calmly next to his brother and I smiled at that as well.

“Jasmine, are you up?”

The body lying next to me whispered firmly. His back was turned, but I knew the voice. It was Rodney. Nights always seemed to be the moments of reflection, the time that those dizzying thoughts in your mind had the time to project themselves. I sensed that in Rodney’s voice.

“Yeah Rodney.”

“Do you think I’m like my father?” It ached my heart then so much that it froze me. He sounded so different then, his usual cut dry demeanor. He sounded so vulnerable. “Do I remind you of him?”

I tried to answer honestly. “I don’t know, Rodney. Your father was an emotionless man. He was bent on power and control. Do you feel that way on the inside?”

It took him a while to speak again.

“Sometimes I think I am. Like I look around and see all the shit that he caused, all the death and pain and I just feel like I need to fix it, like it’s my job for not stopping him before.”

“But, you killed, Rodney. You did stop him.” How could Rodney even think that, blame himself? “And you were just a kid. We were all kids until this happened. We’ve all killed.”

“You never killed an actual person though, a parent.”

My mind went back to that fateful moment in that bedroom after Ryant, Jesse, Jessica, and I’s escape from the school. I remembered the crack of the bat in my hands as it collided into Jessica’s head. I also remembered the bullet hole in her head the day she was murdered.

“Maybe I haven’t, but I’ve seen death, nearly touched it.”

“But you’re not standing knee deep in guilt are you? You don’t feel like the bad guy. If any of these people found out why we’re really here or what we’re doing, they’ll want to take us down, blame us. Then that’d all be my fault.”

An involuntary jerk took my heart. I’d never even considered that factor. I probably should have after Riley threatened me earlier.

“Then we’ll kick some asses and high tail out of here.” I said. “We’ve got your back.”

“Only you do. The rest of them could care less about me.” At this point, I realized I was still talking to his back and I could have sworn I heard him crying, trying to cry himself to sleep and the saddest part was that I couldn’t even argue. “It’s what Ryant told me, that you guys could care less that I’m using you. I tried to talk to him, but he said I was just like my dad. He said I was a murderer.”

Tears slid down my temples then and I scooted forward, wrapping my left arm around Rodney’s chest. For some reason this moment was ripping me from the inside out. It could have been the idea that Rodney thought the fact to be so true that he was crying or the fact that Ryant had been capable of saying such cruel words.

“Listen to me.” My voice choked. “You are a good person. You’re not a murderer and if it takes everything I have, I’ll make sure the others treat you right. You are nothing like your father. You have a heart.”

Then I pressed my forehead against his quivering back and we fell asleep that way.