Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

I woke up the next morning, half expecting Chretion to still be lying in bed with me. We’d fallen asleep somewhere between when Anthony sings to Joanna at her window and the end of the movie, me leaning on Chretion’s shoulder. It was nice that he was letting me do that without freaking out again. I don’t know if I could deal with him being all “no, we cannot touch because we are two manly, manly men”. I mean, seriously. He’s slept with more guys than I’ve spoken to.

But it was stupid of me to think that. I mean, it’s Chretion. One really good apology does not mean he’s changed completely. He’s probably at home, sleeping in preparation for his next party. He has this cycle where he doesn’t sleep for a couple days and then he’ll sleep an entire day away without calling, which worries me to no end, and then he just goes out partying again the night after.

I groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. It was almost one in the afternoon, meaning my mom was already at work. I guess it’s pop tarts for breakfast today, ladies and gents.

I walked downstairs, stumbling every step or so, my body still trying to completely wake up from my almost 12 hour long sleep. I never sleep this long. But I guess I needed it. I’ve been up so late lately because of Chretion… Normally I get about as much sleep as he does, but without the daylong naps.

I leaned against the counter and looked out the window above the sink, smiling softly at the beautiful day that was outside. I think I’m going to get a book and read outside.

After grabbing a poptart and brewing a cup of tea, I went upstairs to change into some new clothes and grab a book and my phone. I was going to try and stay away from Chretion today, try and give myself a me day that didn’t involve holding someone’s hair back as they blew chunks into wherever they can find that isn’t my lap.

The wind was blowing slightly and I settled down in the hammock that Chretion had convinced me to buy and then “supervised” me hanging it up a couple summers ago. They were bittersweet memories, because it was back before he started drinking and it was when we were both much more innocent than we are now. It was back when it was an equal relationship between two best friends who had fun together. It was back when I fell in love with him.

So every time I sat in the hammock, all I can think about is how Chretion and I used to be. How he used to care for me and take care of me just as much as I did him.

I couldn’t throw it away though. It’s a reminder of how it used to be and how it could be again really comfortable, okay?

About an hour into reading, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Seeing a text from Chretion, I was this close to ignoring it, but I decided to at least read it to see what it was about. What if he was really in trouble? Though it is broad daylight, so he’s probably not in too much trouble.

Are you angry with me? Is that why you aren’t responding? I promise I’ll try to be less of a dick.

I read through the text a couple times, confused. What didn’t I respond to? I opened up my phone and went to his texts and saw that he’d sent one earlier and I hadn’t even noticed.

Kil- I’m sorry for heading out so early. I had a great time last night, and I’m sorry that I don’t let us do this more often. I’m taking a break from partying tonight because the ‘rents are demanding my presence at a family function. They say you can come, though. How ‘bout it?

I smiled to myself. It was almost too good to be true. Two nights with Chretion that didn’t involve alcohol, drugs, puking or carrying him up the stairs? My life was obviously turning into a fairy tale and I haven’t noticed.

I wasn’t ignoring you, I promise. I didn’t even noticed you’d texted me. I’m glad we had last night, and I guess I can come rescue you from hanging out with your family. But you owe me. You know your homophobic relatives hate me.

I didn’t have to wait long for Chresh to answer. It would seem that he was waiting for me to reply so he could know whether I’m mad at him or not. Could it be… could he be turning over a new leaf? I banished the thought from my head, knowing that if I got my hopes up, it’d just hurt more when they were proven wrong.

They hate me, too, you drama queen. And what if I promise that my grandma’s making peach cobbler?

Chretion’s grandmother was one of the few members of his family who actually supported gay rights. For this, she was a bit of an outcast, seeing as her husband had been strongly against homosexuality. They ended up divorcing, though, and his grandma became the black sheep of the family. She still made amazing peach cobbler, though, so she was invited to everything. She was always so sweet to me and she loved Chretion to bits.

I’m in, then. When have you ever known me to turn down Nana’s peach cobbler?

I texted Chretion for a while, letting him know what was going on today and when I was going to show up to his house and get my cobbler.

I’m dangerously close to getting to the point where I was starting to think that Chretion has really changed this time. I know I shouldn’t, because it definitely isn’t true, but every time he does something like this, I get hopeful, then I get crushed the next time he goes out and fucks some random guy.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this time he’s actually changed for the better and reevaluated his life. Maybe he’ll actually start to realize how much I care for him and maybe he’ll realize he feels the same.

But these were all vain hopes, and it was incredibly risky to give any importance or truth to them because they’d just get me hopeful, only to be brought back down to rock bottom…

***

I got to Chretion’s house about two hours later, waving to his mom and dad when I let myself into the backyard through the gate, seeing them for the first time in months, if not years.

“Kil!” Chretion called from where he was standing next to his grandma.

“Hey, Chresh.” I said, walking over.

“Killian! It’s been too long! You’re getting to be such a nice-looking young man. It’s easy to forget sometimes you aren’t a little boy anymore.”

“Hey, Nana.” I said, smiling and hugging her tightly. “It’s great to see you.”

“Hey, where’s my hug?” Chretion asked, pouting slightly at the prospect of me not hugging him first.

I rolled my eyes and hugged him tightly as well, loving the feeling of him pressed up against me, but let go before it got too creepy.

We talked for a while, just loving being with him in such a friendly and normal setting where no one was throwing up or doing drugs or drinking and it was just… nice.

After a bit, Chretion’s mom called him over to talk to one of his relatives that haven’t seen him in forever.

“So.” Nana said, looking almost accusatory. “How long have you loved my grandson?”

“W-what?” I asked, trying to cover up my shock.

“Hun, I’ve known for a while now, I just want to know how long it had been before I noticed.”

“How did you know?”

“No one cares for ‘just a friend’ like you do for Chretion. That boy would be dead by now if it wasn’t for you, and that isn’t even an understatement. He would literally not be able to function if you left him to his own devices. So, thanks for that, but also, how long?”

“A while…” I said. “Years, more.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” I said. “But seriously, you cannot tell him. He had a freak out on me the other day for cuddling into him while we were sleeping. He’d hate me if he knew.”

“Oh, Killian.” she said, shaking her head. “You obviously don’t realize how much that boy cares for you. He’s just too ignorant to see how much he loves you as more than a friend.”

“He doesn’t, though…” I sighed, getting depressed.

“Just wait.” she said. “Grandma knows best. If you aren’t dating by… the end of this year, then I’ll make you peach cobbler for every day of a week.”

“All right.” I said. “I’ll take that bet. I’m ready for my peach cobbler.”

“We’ll see about that.” she said, just as Chretion comes over.

“About what?” Chretion asked walking back over.

“About whether it will rain or not. News says we’re in a drought.” Nana said, thinking on her feet and being more devious than I could ever be, no matter how hard I tried.

I guess Grandmas are just that much more stealthy than I am.