Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

Jonan wasn't lying when he's said that the rules would be hard to learn. Wake up at seven (as if that wasn't hard enough) and then breakfast. There's morning and afternoon showers and you have to put your name on the list accordingly. 

Patients have to check before they can go anywhere and for some godforsaken reason shoes have to be worn everywhere. Do you know how much I hate wearing shoes when I'm inside? Almost as much as I hate wearing pants when I sleep. Which is also mandatory. 

God, I hate this place.

After showers there's almost literally nothing else to do but go out to the common room. I figure now is as good a time as any to make some friends here. It couldn't hurt.

When I walk into the homey room two boys notice me and flag me down as if I'm the last taxi in New York and their flight is leaving in ten minutes. I recognize them as the boys I talked to when Killian brought me on the tour. Jack and Elliot. 

"Hey guys." I smile, sitting in the chair opposite them. 

"Hey man," Jack greets, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "How you like it here so far?" 

I shrug and relax back into the surprisingly comfortable armchair. "Fine, I guess."

Elliot gives me a knowing look and smiles. "You don't have to lie to us, bro. We know it sucks."

I sigh heavily and sink further into the chair. "Fuck, it sucks so hard. How do you survive?" 

"Well, it's real bad the first week," Jack says slowly. "There's the cravings and shit and you're pretty much always being told what to do but once you get past that you fall into the routine and it's easy. You get so comfortable here that it's hard to remember what it used to be like."

"Yeah, that's kinda the point." Elliot pipes in.

I digest this little piece of advice, my mind churning with so many questions. I decide to go with the easiest first.  "So what are you guys in here for anyway?"

They exchange tentative glances before looking back at me. "Meth and Ketamine." Jack admits. "Good for a while but it got bad real fast." 

"Yeah, I got hooked on Special K too. And Blow and Oxy." Elliot says. "Not exactly inexpensive. My mom noticed the overdue rent bills when she came to my apartment one day and it was just over when she found out. That's how I landed here."

I blink at them slowly, mind whirling with this new information. "You guys don't look like the type."

"Well, you don't either, man." Jack laughs. "Nobody ever does."

"Yeah, I guess." I nod. "So is it the same story for everyone here? Drugs and partying?" 

"Nah," Elliot corrects. "There are a few kids here for eating disorders and some are here for self harm. A guy came in just the other week straight from the hospital. He tried to overdose on Tylenol and sleeping pills." 

"Oh shit. Is he okay?" I ask, interest peaked. 

Jack shrugs. "Yeah, he's fine now. It's cool to watch his progress though. The first few days he wouldn't even come out of his room and now he's really outgoing. He'll probably come say hi to you. Casey's his name."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks." 

"Yeah, so what about you?" Elliot asks. "Why are you here?"

"Mostly Heroin and Blow. And alcohol, apparently." 

"Apparently?" Jack questions.

"Yeah. Killian said it was a problem but I don't think I was any worse than anyone else I hung out with." I shrug.

"Wait. Is Killian that guy you came in here with that first time?" Jack asks.

"Yeah. He's the one who wanted me to come here." I explain.

Elliot cocks an eyebrow, a smirk settling on his lips. "So are you two an item?"

"An item?" I ask, not quite understanding. 

Jack smiles and flashes his teeth. "Yeah, like, dating. Going out. Boyfriends. Fuck buddies. Whatever you wanna call it. I mean, he's fucking hot. I wouldn't mind having a piece of-" 

"Don't talk about him like that." I say sharply. "He's my best friend and, yeah, he's...'fucking hot' but don't you dare even think about thinking about him."

"Oooooh, someones getting a little territorial." Elliot laughs. 

I glare at him and stand, straightening out my clothes before walking away. 

"Oh, Chretion c'mon," Jack calls. "We were only kidding!" 

I ignore them and don't stop walking until I get all the way to my room. What the fuck were they thinking? Where do they get off talking about Kil that way?

And why the hell am I so fucking angry? 

Maybe it's that I don't have the comfort of my best friend. Maybe it's that I haven't had a drink in over twenty-four hours. 

Either way I'm beginning to question weather this was a good idea after all.

I sink down onto the bed and run my hand over my face, contemplate calling Killian and making him come pick me up, scratch the idea and yank on my hair.

I stand up and start to pace before deciding that now is as good as ever to read Killian's second letter. I reach into the back of my top left dresser drawer and pull out my blankie, carefully unfolding it and gently taking the second letter out of the rubber band and rehiring the stack. 

I settle back into the chair that I've grown to love and slowly open the envelope.