Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight
This could be the end of everything.
I hated that he did this to himself. I hated that he always knew he could depend on me being there for him, so he just kept doing it, knowing I'd never leave him to fend for himself. I hated that he thinks it's okay for him to be doing this. He wasn't thinking of the fact that this could kill him, is killing him slowly. I hated that he seemed to take me for granted. Hated that he never said thank you. Hated when I didn't have to take care of him because he was off with some whore guy that he didn't even know.
But what I hated most of all was that I couldn't hate him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate Chretion. And as much as I tried to deny it, I knew why. I loved him too much, was too in love with him to hate him.
Falling in love with Chretion definitely wasn't part of the plan. I don't even know how or when it happened, but somewhere, in the midst of all the drunken conversations and phone calls, the vomit, the cravings, the withdrawal and the water and headache tablets in the morning, I'd fallen in love with my best friend.
Yeah, even though he does all the shit he does, he's still my best friend.
When he's not drunk or high or hungover, he's the only person who knew me better than anyone else, who understood what I was trying to say before I'd even gotten the words out. He could read me like a book, well, when it came to everything but one. He'll never be able to tell that I love him. I try and keep it hidden, make sure he wont' notice, but it's getting harder and harder.
I can't just watch while the person I love is slowly killing himself, and my love for Chretion tends to show the most when I'm taking care of him after a party. Luckily, he's drunk or high pretty much every time I'm in intense-worry-mode, so he doesn't notice.
But I'm scared. He's starting to lose himself to the drugs and alcohol and once he does, he'll never be back to who he was before. I don't want to lose him... and that's why I can't ask him to stop. I'm worried he'd pick the pills and the booze over me...
... and then I'd be all alone.
But what I hated most of all was that I couldn't hate him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate Chretion. And as much as I tried to deny it, I knew why. I loved him too much, was too in love with him to hate him.
Falling in love with Chretion definitely wasn't part of the plan. I don't even know how or when it happened, but somewhere, in the midst of all the drunken conversations and phone calls, the vomit, the cravings, the withdrawal and the water and headache tablets in the morning, I'd fallen in love with my best friend.
Yeah, even though he does all the shit he does, he's still my best friend.
When he's not drunk or high or hungover, he's the only person who knew me better than anyone else, who understood what I was trying to say before I'd even gotten the words out. He could read me like a book, well, when it came to everything but one. He'll never be able to tell that I love him. I try and keep it hidden, make sure he wont' notice, but it's getting harder and harder.
I can't just watch while the person I love is slowly killing himself, and my love for Chretion tends to show the most when I'm taking care of him after a party. Luckily, he's drunk or high pretty much every time I'm in intense-worry-mode, so he doesn't notice.
But I'm scared. He's starting to lose himself to the drugs and alcohol and once he does, he'll never be back to who he was before. I don't want to lose him... and that's why I can't ask him to stop. I'm worried he'd pick the pills and the booze over me...
... and then I'd be all alone.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry this is late! It accidentally got deleted from my computer, but Nicole, being the amazing person she is, was able to salvage it :)Lyrics from Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
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We're both really excited for this story and it's going really well so far!
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unicorndreams
eric halvorsen
IntentToStartAFire
sacrilegiousx
and to the rest of you for reading!
<3 Casey