Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

Killian smiles at me over his shoulder and steps through a line of trees, beaconing me to follow. I waste no time in grabbing his outstretched hand and allowing him to pull me through the greens and yellows and reds and browns of the unfamiliar woods. His laughter rings through the air and he starts running, dropping my hand but still calling for me to follow. I run after him laughing and smiling with my best friend. I freeze when the ground beneath me changes. I take a careful step forward and feel my body sway recklessly. Killian screams my name and my eyes shoot to find him. Tears stream down his face as he begs me to be careful. That's when I notice that I'm on the most poorly constructed rope bridge in history. I swallow hard and take a tentative step forward. The bridge sways dangerously and I freeze once again, calling out to Killian that I can't do it. It's too dangerous. He screams and begs me to try. To come to him and I can't deny that it's the only thing that I want. To go to him. I feel one side of the bridge give out and Killian screams again in absolute horror. I try. I really do but it's no use. I'm already falling.

I awake in a tangled sweaty mess on the floor. My breathing is shallow yet my hearts racing. It feels as if a whale is sitting on my chest and I'm so fucking cold yet I can't stop sweating. I sit up to the best of my ability but it's really hard. My body won't stop shaking. 

I check the clock and see that it's 3:18AM. I've only been asleep for 45 minutes. 

Somethings wrong. 

I try to stand but my legs give out on me. Oh yeah. Somethings seriously wrong. 

Crawling is my best option at the moment so I move forward slowly, making it out of my doom and halfway down the hall before having to stop. My stomach churns and, as hard as I try not to, I puke last nights dinner all over the floor.

My arms shake more violently and I curl on my side, not able to move forward anymore. My arms stay tight against my chest as the tremors roll through my body. 

Why is this happening? 

My throat closes up and I know that I'm about to cry. There's no stopping it as the choked sobs echo off the empty walls of the hallway. Suddenly I hear soft tentative footsteps before they get louder and and more frantic. 

"Oh, my god." It's a woman. She drops to her knees beside me and I look up at her. "Oh, god. Are you okay dear?" 

"Does it look like I'm okay?" I croak. 

Her eyes widen and her mouth opens in a silent 'O'. "Oh, god. It's worse than I thought. Let me go get someone. Will you be okay on your own here?" 

"Just go!" I cry, not wanting to feel this horrible anymore. If there's someone who can help then why didn't she go get them in the first place?

Not two minutes later I hear more rushed footsteps. Three or four people crowd around me. One is the woman from earlier, one is Jonan and I have no clue who the other two are but they look too goddamn calm. 

"Chretion, can you hear me?" Jonan questions. I nod slowly, too exhausted to form words. "Can you walk?" I shake my head and he looks at the two unidentifiable men. Jonan nods once and I feel myself being lifted onto a rolly bed. 

The taller of the two men sets a briefcase like carrier next to my legs and pulls out a syringe. "Okay, Chretion. I need you to stay calm for me. Don't move and everything will be okay." 

Of course as soon as I saw the needle I started freaking out. My experience with needles has been of the negative variety. Killian wants me to get better. Needles won't help me do that! 

I squirm around, almost falling flat on my ass. Jonan pins down my legs as the other man detains my arms. The woman cleans my arm with alcohol and the man slides the needle in. 

I stop shaking almost immediately and my body goes limp. Sleep sounds so good right now.

***************

I wake up in a room that's too cold with a blanket that's too itchy. I roll my head and open my eyes slowly. The lids feel too heavy and my body feels too groggy. I think I need to sleep more but more than that, I need to find out what the fuck happened. 

"Oh, you're awake." My head snaps to the right where Jonan has just walked through the door. 

"What happened? And why is it so fucking cold in here?" I question. 

He gives me a strange look and comes over to feel my forehead. "It's 75 degrees in this room. It's not supposed to be cold." 

"Can you just explain to me what happened? I'm kinda freaking out here." I say nervously, sitting up and resting my back against the headboard. 

Jonan sighs and sits on the edge next to me. "Well, when someone stops using drugs that their body was once dependent on that person goes through withdrawals." 

"I know what withdrawals are. Stop treating me like I'm fucking five." I snap.

He waits for me to calm down before continuing. "Generally for people with both alcohol and drug addictions the withdrawals don't start up for three to four days and even then it's just irritability, insomnia, anxiety. Stuff like that. The things like tremors and nausea, that isn't supposed start for a week or so. It's also extremely dangerous for people to stop using drugs cold turkey because the repercussions could be fatal. We have a medication regimen but you weren't due to start yours until tomorrow evening. Your body's reaction to the lack of your dependent drug was way more than anyone could have anticipated." 

I take a while to digest this information. "So, am I going to be okay?" 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. You'll be fine. I mean, even with the medication, you're going to be in pain but that's just something that you have to deal with." He shrugs. 

"So what's the point of the medicine if I'm still going to be in pain?" I ask irritably. 

"The medicine is to wean your body off the drugs slowly. It doesn't stop them from affecting you or stop the withdrawals. It's to make them more bearable. If not, you'd be suffering just as much as you we're last night, maybe even more. In severe cases like yourself, people have been known to have seizures or even die." Jonan explains. 

"You mean I could die?" I ask, suddenly afraid.

"No, not if you take the medicine." He soothes. "I was coming in here to ask if you'd like me to contact anyone for you. Maybe your parents or your friend Killian?"

I think about his offer for a split second only before shaking my head. My parents won't really care and I don't want Killian to worry more than he probably already is. 

"Well, you're excused from all mandatory activities today and I can come to your room for counseling today if you'd like. Other than that you're free to go back to your room or you can stay here. Whichever you'd prefer." Jonan stands and waits patiently for my decision.

"I'll go back." I say, pulling back the blanket and swinging my legs over the side. Jonan grabs onto my upper arm for support and helps me down the hallway and into the elevator thats usually off limits for patients. 

We get back to my room and he makes sure I'm securely in bed before turning to leave. "Theres gonna be a doctor in here later to check to make sure everything is fine. Other than him and me, you should be left alone for the day. If you want some company, there's a walkie talkie thing in the nightstand." 

"Thank you, Jonan." I say, meaning the words in every way possible. 

He smiles and closes the door behind himself. I'm bored almost immediately. My legs do a dance of their own and my fingers come to life by themselves. I decide to test out my legs and stand carefully, making sure not to go to fast. My head starts to whirl and I sit back down for a few minutes to regain my balance. 

When I finally gather myself I stand and make my way back over to my dresser. Killian might not be here to make me feel better but his letter would sure as hell help.