Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

I wake up unacceptably  early the next morning. The sun hasn't even risen, yet I'm wide awake. I quickly contemplate opening Killians letter early but push the thought from my head. I much prefer to read it when the sun goes down. That way he's the last thing I have to think about at night rather than the fact that I'm stuck here suffering.

Instead, I wrap my blanket around me tightly and relocate to the comfy armchair, pulling it up close to the window and curling up quietly. I never did find out why the windows open from the top but I really couldn't care less. I don't need to open it anyway. It's too goddamn cold in here.

I try my hardest to ignore the shaking my legs insist on doing and the twitches that plague my arms and focus on the glowing sunrise. Killian would love this. God, I wish he were here. His face would light up and then the sunrise would be irrelevant.

I smile at the purples and oranges that spill over the sky. It's so fucking gorgeous. 

Before long the sun is shining proudly in the sky and I watch as the campus comes to life. I catch sight of several morning volunteers arriving and the guy who cuts the grass setting up for his yard work. 

A soft knock sounds on my door and I turn to watch as Jonan peeks his head in. "Morning Chretion. How's it going?" 

I turn back to the window. "Better than yesterday." 

"Good. That's good." 

"Yeah, I guess." I grumble, not in the mood to talk to him or anyone else for that matter. Except for the only person who ever actually made anything better.

"Breakfast starts in ten minutes. Care to join me?" He asks patiently.

"No." I snap. "I don't want to go anywhere." 

"Hey now. C'mon. As far as I can tell you haven't eaten in a while. I know you're hungry. We don't have to talk or anything." He suggests.

Now that he mentions it, I am kind of starving. And the food here is fucking amazing. It's like they have Bobby Flay back there or something. 

I rise reluctantly and fall into step with him quietly. He doesn't ask any annoying questions and I praise him silently in my head. He keeps his promise of not talking, even when we sit down at one of the two long tables in the dining room. Overall, there's only about 40 men here which makes this a very open and accepting facility. 

Breakfast is served by several volunteers and my mouth almost literally waters when the plate of bacon, eggs and French toast is set in front of me. I waste absolutely no time in devouring the amazing food and I'm done before almost anyone else. Jonan excuses me from the table and I disappear back upstairs. 

One advantage of finishing early is that I don't have to wait for the showers. I put my name on the list quickly and run to gather my things. Before long someone knocks on my door letting me know that it's my time.

The shower doesn't take long and does little to warm me up from the coldness that blankets my very core. 

I dress quickly and decide to see if I can get my mind off everything. Killian packed some of my favorite books so I cuddle up with my blanket and my copy of Harry Potter for a few hours.

The only thing that compels me to stop reading is my body's need to stretch. Then the overwhelming need to piss rolls trough me and I can't suppress it.

After I relieve myself I notice that the common room is empty and an idea pops into my head. I find a counselor quickly and ask if I can turn on the TV. He eagerly gives his permission and I sink down onto an overstuffed couch, pulling one of the throws around my shoulders tightly. 

I flick through the unblocked channels quickly and quietly before settling on a rerun of Power Rangers. This show never gets old and I have a feeling it never will. I'll be 76 and eagerly awaiting new episodes.

The blue ranger drops a particularly cheesy line and I chuckle quietly, jumping slightly when I hear someone laughing with me. That's when I notice someone sitting less than three feet away from me. I stare at him, wondering where he came from and when he got there. 

His eyes stay trained on the TV, seemingly entertained. I can't stop staring at him and it kind of bothers me. He's certainly not unattractive with brown hair that comes past his ears and blue eyes that light up with laughter. But that's not the reason. It's slightly unsettling.

He must notice me staring because suddenly his head turns in my direction and he stares back, smiling. I'm careful to keep my face expressionless. 

He breaks the silence first. "I'm Casey." 

The name rings a bell and I realize that he's the guy those two jackasses were talking about the other day. "Chretion." 

He nods and turns his attention back to the screen. I decide that he'll be okay in my book and turn back to the screen as well. With only one word, I may have just made my first friend here. Killian will be so proud.

The show ends shortly after our brief exchange and Casey turns back to me, full body facing me. "So, what's up?" 

"Nothing much." I mumble moodily.

"Is it really that bad?" He asks sympathetically.

I glare at him. "I don't wanna talk about it."

He shrugs and smiles. "Fair enough. Wanna talk about something else?" 

I give him a curious look. "Like what?" 

Casey shrugs once again and starts bouncing slightly. "Power Rangers." He decides. "Which ones your favorite? Red's always been my favorite color but in this season I like the blue one better. He just seems more likable, you know?" 

I crack a grin at him and nod. Yeah, this kid is definitely one to keep around.

**********

Casey invites me to watch the newest Transformers movie with him and we bond over cheesy one liners. Only half an hour passes before I realize just what it is about Casey that seemed so familiar. He reminds me so much of Killian that I can hardly stand it. I have nothing against Casey but part of me wishes he wasn't here. He just reminds me that I don't have my best friend. But, honestly, he's better than nothing. 

Casey asks me to sit with him at dinner and we part ways after that. I shower quickly and curl up on my chair once again, Killians letter securely in my hands.