Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

Today is the day. In just two short hours Killian will be here and I honestly couldn't be more excited.... and nervous. 

It's been a week and I'm on meds that make me feel like I'm not myself sometimes. So much has changed in the past seven days and I'm hoping that it's for the better but there's always that what if. 

What if things don't go back to normal? What if we grow further apart rather than snapping back to how we were before I tried that first hit of acid?

Okay, stop it Chresh. You know that isn't true. Things will go back to normal, maybe even better than that. Maybe this experience will make us stronger and bring us closer together. I can only hope.

Killian's last letter really brought things into perspective for me. He says I complete him, that I'm his other half. Well, that's just it. That pretty much sums up our entire relationship. We're soul mates. Maybe not in the romantic way even if I want it to be but in the way that means that one would never truly be complete without the other. 

I've been complete for so long that I find it hard to imagine what life would be if half of me, Killian, suddenly wasn't part of my life anymore. That's probably why this past week has been so hard. I feel like half of a man.

But my other half will be here soon.

And yeah, that's probably the cheesiest analogy in the history of analogies but it's true. It really is.

"Casey! I need more help!" I call after my friend who just left two seconds ago.

He appears back at my doorway with a raised eyebrow. "With what?" He whines. "It's time for breakfast and all that bacon is not going to eat itself."

"What shirt should I-"

"We'll figure it out when my stomach isn't eating itself! We've got two hours! Let's go!" He stomps away and I follow reluctantly.

Casey forces me to eat even though I don't want to but apparently he knows best because my nerves calm after the meal. Jonan then sends me to Roger, the live-in medic, for my meds which calms me down almost to a point of sedation. I think Casey is on the same pills as me considering our behavior mirrors each other when we take our meds at the same time.

The guys let me take a first round shower since they know all too well about my visit today. They really are supportive. This place almost feels like home. Almost.

Once we've both had showers Casey pulls up a chair to my doorway, his own clever way of getting around the 'patients aren't allowed into each others rooms' rule.

"So, what do you need help with?" He asks, folding his legs under him.

"Okay, so, I've decided that I'm going to go with the dark wash jeans and my blue Sparrows-"

"No. Nonono." Casey interrupts. "That's a terrible combination. If you wear the dark wash jeans you have to wear the white Adidas' and the white and purple polo you wore on the day we watched the final episode of Star Trek."

I wrinkle my nose. "I hate those shoes."

"Which is why I've only seen you wear them for an hour. I get it, but do you want to look good for the guy you're in love with or don't you." Casey questions.

I feel a blush creep up my neck. "I'm not in love with him."

"Don't give me that shit. I notice the way your eyes light up when you talk about him. And we wouldn't be going through this right now if you weren't. Now, I'll go and heat up the straightener and leave you to get dressed." 

"Case, I'm not letting you straighten my hair!" I call after him. 

"We'll see about that!" And with that he's down the hallway and out of sight.

I roll my eyes and get dressed in the outfit he picked out for me. And then I notice the time. Just half an hour to go. I grab my toothbrush and head to the bathroom to scrub the bacon taste into minty freshness. Casey was there and attacked my head with the flat iron of doom as I was cleaning my pearly whites to clean perfection. 

"Casey, you're going to burn all my hair off."

"Stop being such a drama queen. A little heat never hurt anybody." He dismisses, clamping another section of hair between the hot plates. Casey pushes me into a chair for easy reach and finishes quickly. 

Once he gives me the all clear to check it out, I do. "I dunno, man. I don't think Kil will like it." 

"Shut up. It looks hot." He rolls his eyes and wraps the cord around the straightener.

"Where did you get that anyway? I thought those weren't allowed." I ask, eyebrow raised, ignoring his comment about my hair being 'hot'.

"I have my ways." He winks. "Now, cmon. If it's five of."

"Oh my god. How do I look?" I panic.

"Like a God. You sure are antsy about a boy who you're supposedly not in love with." 

I am in love with him. But Casey can't know that. Not yet at least. 

"Shut up. Are you coming or not?" 

"Nah, I think I'll leave you to your lover." He grins. "Tell him I say hi though. Maybe we can meet tomorrow or something."

I smile at him briefly before turning and making my way down to the common room. It's mostly empty because a lot of the guys either went to The Y or to the pool. The two that're here are waiting for visits too.

I'm here for all of two minutes (which feels like ages, honestly) before Jonan walks in with a grin on his face. "Chretion, visitor." 

My heart starts beating out of my chest as soon as I hear those two words and I follow him down a short hallway. 

"Okay, remember what I said about staying in the common room for the first few visits since, technically, he's not suppose to be allowed to see you." 

"Yes sir. No problem." I say quickly.

"Good." He stops at the end of the hallway, me stopping along with him. "I'll bring him around. And Chretion, I know it's only been a week but I'm really proud of the progress you've made." 

I smile at him and wring my hands together. "Thanks, man. And thanks for helping me."

He shrugs and disappears around the corner and I'm left standing there nervously. Seconds tick by before Jonan is rounding the corner again, a familiar set of blue eyes following behind him. 

Killian stops short when he sees me and those green eyes widen in happiness and surprise before I step forward and crush him in a hug. Slowly, Killian wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes back tightly, not letting go even when Jonan says we have to move our little party. I don't let go either, clutching onto my best friend even tighter.

"I missed you, Kil." I murmur into his shoulder, breathing in his all too familiar scent of mangos and sugar.

"I missed you too. You look so good." Killian replies, pulling back just enough to see my face. He doesn't look much different, though I'm not sure why I expected him to. His hair is slightly longer and there's just a slight hint of stubble along his jaw and it really looks cute on him.

I use every ounce of will power not to kiss him even though I so desperately want to. Instead, Jonan reminds us that visits aren't normally held in the hallway and I pull away from Kil reluctantly, lacing our fingers together instead and leading him into the common room.

It feels so good to be whole again.