Don't Fall Apart On Me Tonight

I have to admit, I'm a little anxious.

I mean, I haven't seen Chretion in so long and those letters were... well, I just hope he doesn't realize the reality behind them. I was going to tell him how I feel in the last one, but... I chickened out. I keep telling myself that it's because I didn't want to give him one more thing to worry about, which is true, but the real reason I didn't tell him is that I was scared. I don't want to see his reaction. As long as I don't tell him how I feel, he can't reject me.

"Hey, Killian." Jonan said. "He's waiting for you. Actually, he has been all week, so you might want to get in there."

"Thank you." I said. "For everything. Especially answering my calls all week. I just needed to know how he was doing."

"No problem." he said, smiling. "And before you ask, no, I haven't told him. Even though I disagree with you. I think that if he knew you were calling to check up on him, he'd be a lot happier."

"Nah. I mean, he would, in a way, but then he'd just feel bad for making me worry and he'd be sad or he might think I'm treating him like a baby and he'd be angry. Trust me, it's better this way."

"All right, whatever you say." Jonan said. "I'll see you later. Remember- 4 hours max, stick to the common rooms."

"Gotcha. Thanks again."

Jonan smiled and shook my hand. "You really do make him happy, you know. Those letters made his week so much better. So, thanks, for making my job easier."

"I'm just glad that I could be there for him, at least, in spirit."

I went through the door after Jonan and into the back of the rehab center, my heart racing and my hands starting to shake.

I thought a lot about this moment in all my new found free time. Would Chresh look any different? Would the dark circles be one? Or would they be worse because of all the withdrawals? Would he have gained a little weight now that he was eating instead of drinking all of his calories?

And most of all, would he be happy to see me?

I mean, Jonan said he missed me a lot and that he'd ask for me when he was feeling sick, but I couldn't help but be anxious. If he wasn't happy to see me, I would be so devastated.

Jonan and I turned a corner and all of a sudden, Chretion was standing in front of me, smiling and looking happier and healthier than I'd seen him in a long time. His cheeks were more filled-out, making him look less like a skeleton , but he still had those cheek bones that were to die for. His eyes were wide and there was a life within them that hadn't been there since he'd started drinking. His hair is straightened and it looks amazing. I haven't seen him put this much effort into his appearance since.. well, ever. He looked so beautiful...
I only then noticed that I had stopped in the hallway, just staring and smiling at Chretion, who was smiling right back at me. We were together again and it was so nice to have him back.

He was the first to make a move, practically running to me and hugging me tightly. I was taken aback slightly, but then wrapped my arms around his neck, taking in his scent and holding him tightly. I was vaguely aware of Jonan saying something, but I didn't care. I had Chretion in my arms for the first time in far too long.

"I missed you, Kil."

I smiled at the sound of his soft voice against my shoulder and pulled away, but didn't let go."I missed you, too. You look so good." I said and I meant it. His eyes have warmth and his face is full of life again.

I turned my eyes from Chretion and looked over at Jonan, who had the "proud mama" face on and was smiling at Chresh and I.

Chretion smiled at him before taking my hand in his, interlocking our fingers, dragging me down the hallway and into the common room to a couch.

We sat down facing each other, my hand still in his.

"It's so good to see you." he said, smiling, his eyes showing how truly happy he was.

"You, too. Did you get my letters?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"I did. Thank you so much. They really helped. It was nice having you with me."

"I'm glad." I said, his infectious smile causing one of my own to spread across my face.

He looked so alive and happy. His mind wasn't clouded by drugs or alcohol and he was just 100% Chretion. I could tell that it would still be a while before he was back to how he was before everything, but he was still so much better already.

And that just made him even more attractive.

I mean, seriously. He was fucking glowing and smiling and it looked so good on him. All I wanted to do was to just wrap tackle him and kiss him for the entire 4 hours of my visit.

We were still sitting on the couch, facing each other and still holding hands, just enjoying being able to be in the same room again.

As Chretion told me about his sessions with Jonan, all I could do was stare at him, realizing that I almost had my Chresh back.

"Kil? You okay?"

I shook myself out of it and looked into his eyes, smiling. "Yeah, I just... I'm so happy to be here. I didn't realize 7 days could seem so long."

"I bet you won't believe 4 hours can go so quickly, either." Jonan said, walking into the room. "I hate to say it, but Killian, it's time for you to go. I'll let you guys say goodbye in private, but I expect Killian to be signing out in no more than 10 minutes."

I smiled sadly at Chretion and squeezed his hand. It only just dawned on me that we'd been sitting so close and holding hands for 4 straight hours. I mean, I know we're close and everything, but our dynamic has completely changed.

Is it just me, or are we acting like... a couple?

"Do you really have to go?" Chretion said, giving me puppy eyes.

"I wish I didn't, but I want to be able to come back tomorrow."

"All right. As long as you promise me that you'll be here tomorrow."

I smiled and hugged him close, loving the way he seemed to melt in my arms.

"I promise." I whispered.

Chretion pulled away and smiled. "And tomorrow, you can meet Casey!" he said, excitedly.

"Casey?" I asked, not liking the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned the name.

"Yeah, he's my new friend that lives here with me. He's been helping me get through everything."

"Oh." I said.

"Well, you'd better go." he said. "I'll miss you. But I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Right." I said, hugging him one last time before saying goodbye.

As I left, one phrase rang out in my head over and over...

New friend?